


Running on Empty

by Lynds



Series: The Spaces In Between [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Clint Is a Good Bro, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds
Summary: Loki has his children back, a man who loves him, and friends who care for him. Everything should be perfect. So why can't he just enjoy it? And with Thanos on his way, will he get time to enjoy his new family before the end of all things?





	1. ᛃ Jera (Harvest)

There were two small children running around naked.

Loki rubbed the bridge of his nose and let the smirk curl his lips as Narfi ran from one room to another, followed closely by his little sister, pretending to startle whenever they saw Loki. _Thump thump thump _“aaah! It’s Moðir! Run awaaaay!” _thump thump thump.___

__Loki waited until Vali followed Narfi from the guest room into his and Tony’s room, then swooped down and grabbed her around her middle, picking the squirming, shrieking little girl into her bedroom and tickling her with his chin. “Aaaah! The monster’s got me, help me, brother!”_ _

__Loki plopped her onto the bed so she bounced on the soft mattress, squealing and yelling ‘again! again!’ and drowned himself in her laughter, rather than remember another little child saying the same words a thousand years ago._ _

__“Do it again, Moðir! Drop me again!”_ _

__“I want to be dropped! Moðir, drop me too!”_ _

__“I asked first!”_ _

__Loki picked Narfi up and dropped him next to Vali, which was a lot easier said than done. The little boy immediately seemed to resist, though he’d asked to be thrown onto the bed, and curled up his body instead of lying straight. “Are you two ready for bed?”_ _

__“Yes, Moðir,” they chorused._ _

__“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow. “You are ready to climb under the sheets right now and sleep?”_ _

__Narfi gurgled with laughter and squirmed under the duvet. Vali followed soon behind, pulling the duvet over her head._ _

__“Well,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. “I suppose I don’t need these fresh pyjamas. Or this sleep nappy. Or milk or a story, if you’re both _ready_ to sleep right now.”_ _

__“Nooooooo!” Narfi made it sound like he was a few poorly timed words away from tears and Loki chuckled. Both children were exhausted after a long day of swimming and reading and running around the house chasing each other._ _

__“Well, then, put your pyjamas on.”_ _

__“I’ve got the milk,” called Tony, coming into the room with two small mugs. Vali cheered and he laughed softly, coming to sit next to her as she bounced up and down. “What book do you want tonight?”_ _

__“ _The Owl and the Pussycat!_ ” she shrieked, and ran off to find it in the crowded bookshelf. Tony took the book from her while she crawled up the bed and wiggled her little backside right next to him so she was plastered against him. He quirked a crooked grin and tucked his arm around her, handing her the cup of milk. Narfi tucked himself on Tony’s other side, jolting his arm and making him nearly spill._ _

___"The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea on a beautiful pea green boat…”_ _ _

__Loki leaned on the post of the bed and smiled at his little family, at the acceptance he never thought he’d have, and the part of his heart he’d thought lost for nearly a hundred years._ _

__Tony had moved on to reading a chapter of _Heidi_ to Narfi, who had found the box of children’s classics at a little independent bookstore in the town and refused to let it go. Tony was putting on a snooty voice for Frau Rottenmeier, a young child’s high pitch for Heidi and for some reason, a Boston twang for the servant Sebastian. _ _

__Loki’s smile turned sad, wondering what in the Nine he was going to do without Tony. How he could raise his children by himself, when Tony made everything about him _better_. He tried so hard not to think about Tony’s short mortal expectancy, measured against his own Jotun lifespan. Measured against the possibility that what Thanos had done to him made him incapable of death. He may still live to see his own children die of old age._ _

__He clamped down on the horror and forced the smile back on his face. Narfi was leaning against Tony’s shoulder, and Vali had already put herself to bed, her little body turned away from the noise, chubby arm wrapped around Hoppy the beloved rabbit Clint had given her._ _

__He could not allow the pain of the future to taint the present. If a few decades was all he would have with Tony, he would make the most of it, loving him until he lost his hair, and his motor skills, and his memory, curled around him until he breathed his last. Loki decided that the last thing Tony would feel would be his lips against his skin._ _

__And he would chase his own death no longer. His children had lost too many parents._ _

__They tucked Narfi into bed and kissed both children as they snuggled together in the big four poster, Vali’s hand tucked into Narfi’s bigger one. Loki pressed his lips against Vali’s round cheek and Narfi’s soft forehead, and dimmed the light as JARVIS started the playlist, forty minutes of music that helped to distract Narfi’s constantly flittering mind, giving him something calm to focus on and pull him into sleep. Vali was usually asleep before they’d even left the room, but the music didn’t bother her._ _

__As the door clicked shut behind them, Loki felt Tony’s rough fingers sliding along the top of his jeans, slipping into the belt hoops and pulling him back down the corridor. “Where’s Jor?” he asked, as Tony's lips ghosted on his neck._ _

__“Spending the night at the Bartons'. Apparently he wants to learn how to use a lathe.”_ _

__“And you do not have one?”_ _

__“Clint’s got this old manual wood lathe, mine’s automated and integrated into a lot of other machinery, it’s hard to get to. Why are we talking about machinery? I’ve got something much more constructive to discuss.”_ _

__Loki laughed. “Is that so? I never thought I would hear _you_ say such words.”_ _

__Tony pushed him up against their bedroom door, rubbing the tops of his hip bones with his thumbs and kissing him until they were both breathless. “Yeah, that’s so.”_ _

__“Such as?”_ _

__“Such as how you’re going to fuck me into the mattress.”_ _

__Loki laughed and cupped Tony’s cheeks with both hands, kissing him again, pulling him in close and lifting his knee slightly so it pressed against Tony’s erection, already straining against his trousers. “So hard for me already?”_ _

__“All I have to do is look at you. It’s very distracting,” he murmured, pulling Loki’s shirt off and sliding his warm fingers up his ribs. His mouth moved down Loki’s jaw, kissing his throat and running his teeth along the skin there. Loki tipped his head back, feeling a tide of electricity spreading from the warm mouth and the rough bristles of his beard._ _

__He pushed them off the wall and into their bedroom, stripping Tony’s shirt off to join his own on the floor, walking backwards until the backs of Tony’s knees hit the bed and they fell onto the covers. Loki propped himself up on his elbows and buried one hand in his hair, kissing him and moving his body so his hips dragged against Tony’s crotch. Tony moaned, his chest vibrating against Loki’s and the rush, the power, knowing he could pull these sounds from his lover, made Loki’s toes curl with lust._ _

__He ran his right hand down Tony’s solid, strong body, flicking the buttons open on his jeans and sliding the zip down slowly, so Tony could feel the jolt of every tooth popping open. He spread his hand flat on his abdomen and snaked his fingers under the waistband of his boxer shorts, curling in the coarse dark hair. Tony sucked in a breath, his eyes fluttering shut as Loki’s hands moved closer and closer to the base of his cock. Loki watched him greedily, drinking in every beautiful expression, every sound, every breath, every time he bit his lower lip sending waves of arousal through his own body._ _

__He knelt up and pulled Tony’s jeans and boxers off before pressing down over him again, kissing his face, nipping his earlobes and gently sucking on the skin beneath his jaw as he stroked up his thighs, his thumb rubbing the softer skin on the inside._ _

__He was straddling Tony’s leg, still wearing his own trousers, and Tony lifted his knee slightly so it pressed gently, tauntingly, on his cock as it strained against the material. Tony started trying to undo his buttons, and Loki pushed his hands out of the way. Tony laughed, then gasped as Loki brushed gentle fingertips against his shaft, running them up and down his length. Tony arched his back and buried his hands in Loki’s hair, pulling him close for another breathless kiss._ _

__Loki’s thumb joined the touch, his hands still just fluttering against him, teasing him, not quite circling or holding. He traced the groove under the head of his cock and slid his fingers up and over the smooth end, stroking through the bead of pre-come that was collecting at the tip and spreading it down. He could feel Tony’s abdominal muscles twitch as his pressure increased, and he dipped his head to his chest, licking around his nipple until it hardened into a little bud. Tony groaned as Loki’s fingers stroked down to his balls, following the crease along to his perineum, and back to his hole, stroking and circling the puckered skin, then running back up. He flicked his tongue against his nipple as he stroked up Tony’s balls again, and then, just as he reached his shaft, he closed his teeth around the bud and nipped, wrapping his hand firmly around his length, pulling firmly and slowly up before sliding back down. Tony cried out and arched his back, fingers clenching in his hair, pulling him closer. Loki’s thumb pressed and rubbed along the vein on the underside as his fingers closed around him again, twisting and rubbing._ _

__He raised his head from Tony’s chest to watch him squirm against the pillows, biting his bottom lip and opening his mouth in delicious little gasps and groans. Tony couldn’t help but close his eyes when he felt the most pleasure, completely engulfed by the feelings of the moment, and just watching him _feel_ so powerfully was the most erotic thing Loki had ever known. _ _

__He pressed his own body against Tony’s crotch as his hand moved to find the bottle of lube by their bedside. He moved gently, rubbing Tony’s cock between them, finding his own friction against Tony’s leg, and sliding his hand back down between his arse cheeks. Tony moved his other leg to wrap it around Loki’s hips, lifting himself, allowing Loki better access. He cupped Loki’s face in both hands and Loki almost groaned to see his eyes flutter as the first finger breached him._ _

__He slipped into him, rubbing inside, pressing and sliding in and out to spread the gel around, that perfect mix of friction and slick. Tony tilted his head right back, and Loki wanted to bite him too hard, he was so perfect and delicious and unbearably beautiful. Instead he sucked more marks into his neck, brushing his teeth over the muscles and tendons in his exposed neck. The second finger joined the first almost too early, and then the third, but Tony just groaned and rocked against him, gasping and crying out as he found his prostate. Loki smiled as he kissed him, his expressive mortal, so deep in his own pleasure._ _

__His own cock was throbbing, aching against the material, begging for Tony’s warm skin against it, and he vanished the rest of his clothes by magic, groaning himself as his deprived cock was now pressed against Tony’s thigh, and Tony immediately reached down and ran his index finger up his length._ _

__“C’mon Lokes. I want you inside me right now.”_ _

__Loki growled and shifted, kneeling between Tony’s legs. Tony sat up and kissed him, rubbing his own lube-slicked hands up and down Loki’s cock, and Loki shuddered, trying not to buck into his hands as he slicked him up. He dug his fingernails in Tony’s shoulders, then slid his hands down his back, wrapped them around Tony’s arse and lifted him._ _

__Tony smirked and move his hands to Loki’s shoulders, eyes glinting. “You know how hot it is that you can throw me around like this?”_ _

__Loki just gazed into his eyes as he lined him up against Tony’s hole, and both of them exhaled, foreheads pressed together, as he lowered Tony down onto himself, sheathing them together until Tony’s pelvis was pressed against Loki’s hips. They stayed like that for a moment, overwhelmed by the feeling of _home_ and _safe_ and _perfect_ , buried in his lover. Then he tilted Tony back, lying him down once more, and moved._ _

__To start with he moved slowly, pulling all the way back out before sliding back in, nerves tingling as every inch of him was caressed by Tony’s body, the warmth, the pressure, the friction taking over every coherent thought. As the sensations rose he found himself moving faster, rolling his hips, and Tony’s legs wrapped around his waist, his heels dug into his back. Loki leaned up slightly to gaze at Tony’s face, flushed and tense with waves of pleasure, and the change in angle sent the next thrust directly onto Tony’s prostate. He cried out and scratched Loki’s back, and the beautiful pleasure in Tony’s face sent a spike through Loki’s body. He moved faster, harder, pounding against his sweet spot again and again until his body started to shudder with the oncoming orgasm. He could feel his own body tingling from his extremities, the wave of ecstasy moving in towards his core, and he wrapped his hand around Tony’s dripping cock. “Come for me,” he whispered, too wrecked to say any more, and Tony threw back his head as he came, internal muscles clenching in waves around Loki and making the world disappear behind a wave of white across his eyes as he followed._ _

__They lay together, gasping and sweaty, Loki’s face buried in the crook of Tony’s neck until he came down enough to be uncomfortable and cramped, and gently pushed Loki to one side to lie curled up by him. Loki lazily flicked his hand, cleaning their skin, and nuzzled into his shoulder, wrapping his arms around Tony. It was barely eight o’clock, but Loki could feel his eyes unwilling to open. This was the best possible way to end the day, and Tony seemed equally unwilling to move. The window was open, a light breeze brushing over them, and he pulled the blanket over them both as the sound of the waves swept them closer to sleep._ _

__“I love you,” Tony murmured. Loki nearly missed it, so close to sleep was he, but the words he had long given up on earning sank through his consciousness and spread through him like sunlight._ _

__He lifted his head to search Tony’s eyes. They widened, and his mouth opened, as if he was about to take the words back. Perhaps Loki should have let him. But he was too selfish, too needy, so he smiled like the sunrise and kissed him, trapping those words in the world. “I love you too.”_ _

__Tony sighed in relief and smiled back at Loki. “I thought it was too soon. I’ve wanted to say it for months.”_ _

__“Truly?”_ _

__“Yeah, of course. Of course I love you, I mean, you’re perfect.”_ _

__“I am anything but,” he laughed._ _

__“Well, you’re perfect for me, then.”_ _

__“Thank you, Tony.”_ _

__“For what?”_ _

__“For being you. For…for loving me.”_ _

__“You don’t have to thank me for loving you, babe.”_ _

__“Yes, I do,” he sighed, and pressed their bodies back together, his nose buried by Tony’s jaw again. “I always will.”_ _


	2. ᚾ Naudhiz (Toil)

Tony left early the next morning, due for a board meeting in New York. He kissed Loki’s temple gently and carded his fingers through his hair before he slipped out, and Loki squirmed closer to the touch, too warm and half asleep and happy to care if it was dignified or not.

Today would be a good day, he decided. Today he would be the perfect Moðir, the one his children deserved. They would play some of the games Loki found mind-blowingly boring, because it would be good for them to see that their Moðir cared for what they found interesting. He would encourage them to join in cooking with him so that they would feel some ownership of their food and be more likely to eat a sufficient portion before getting bored and claiming they were not hungry. They would do some reading, maybe Vali would get past a sentence before flat refusing to go any further.

Narfi pushed the door open and flopped onto Loki, bony little joints digging into his ribs and hips. Loki wrapped his arms around his son and buried his nose in his hair, rocking the boy back and forth in the pure joy of having his children. “Hello, little one.”

“Hello, Moðir. I love you.” He gave him a wet kiss on his mouth and a tight squeeze with all the strength in his gangly little arms.

Loki smiled so wide it hurt and squeezed him back. “I love you too.”

Vali joined them soon after, by which time Narfi had woken up properly and was squirming around like the excited puppy he was, telling Loki all about the castle he wanted to make from Lego, and the social lives of fish, and how Roald Dahl’s _Matilda_ was his personal inspiration, and other such pieces of information which were apparently connected in a small child’s mind. Vali squirmed under the covers and curled around Loki’s chest, still drowsy. 

Of course, Narfi ended up kicking her, and then she shouted at him, and he made puppy eyes and said he was sorry, which was apparently not good enough for Vali who huffed and pressed her frowning face against Loki’s chest. 

“I _said_ I was sorry,” Narfi wailed at Loki.

“I know,” he replied. “And that was the right thing to do. But sometimes people just need a little time.” He pulled Narfi in for a hug too. “Saying you’re sorry is a gift to another. You must not expect the gift of forgiveness back, as nice as it is to get it.” He kissed both children and tried to work out whether he was being a disgusting hypocrite with either of them, but they both burrowed into his shoulders for a moment and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of having them safe in his arms.

He helped Vali to dress and followed the two children to the kitchen, scrambling eggs and putting bread into the toaster while they laid out a wooden train track around the living room floor.

“Come play with us, Moðir,” yelled Narfi.

“I am making your breakfast,” he replied, not bothering to raise his voice since they were well within earshot. Both of them seemed not to have realised that sound can diffract around doorways even if light could not.

“Awwww!”

“I will play with you after breakfast,” he promised, feeling slightly smug at fulfilling one of his promises to himself. Then he scrunched up his nose at the fact that he was making breakfast without involving them. He would have to try to get them to help with lunch. They were playing so happily with each other, it would be a shame to interrupt that.

When the food was ready, he laid it out on the table and both children tumbled in after he’d called them a couple of times. Narfi started eating immediately, but Vali glared at her plate. “I’m full.”

“You have not eaten any of it,” he pointed out.

“I’m still full.” She had a strange way of pronouncing the _u_ sound, shortening it so it sounded more like it was written in the Midgardian alphabet, and Loki tried to focus on that rather than the irritation that came with her claiming she wanted no food as always. “Can I get down?”

Loki shook his head. “Eat some of your breakfast. Would you like me to feed you?”

She turned her head and stuck her bottom lip out in an impressive pout. 

“Very well. But you will have nothing else until lunch time, and you will be hungry.”

“Can I go play?”

“No. Stay at the table politely until your brother and I have finished.”

Vali slumped in her seat, but waited patiently. Loki shrugged. She would not starve herself deliberately. Perhaps she was truly not hungry.

“Moðir, guess what? I’m going to make a friendship bracelet, Lila showed me how to make one, and do you know who I’m going to make it for? _You!”_

“That’s very kind of you, Narfi, thank you.”

“That’s because you’re my best friend.” Vali made an offended sound at that and Narfi turned to her. “And you’re my best sister. You’re the best sister in the _whole Nine Realms._ ”

“Can you make one for me too?”

“Uh-huh,” he nodded. “You can even choose the colours.”

“Yaaaay!”

“And then I’m going to make one for Tony and JARVIS and Jor and Lila and Cooper and oh! And Clint and Laura and the baby in Laura’s tummy and do you think Lucky the dog can have one?”

“I am not sure…”

“Oh! He can wear it as a collar! And I want to make one for Angrboda and Hela and Fenrir. And what about the postman and that lady who works in the shop? Do you think they’d like one?”

Loki laughed softly. “I think you can make as many as you like, and see if you have enough.”

“Will you help me, Moðir?”

“Why don’t we play a game that Vali can join in with for now?”

“Monopoly Junior, Monopoly Junior!” the children yelled, and Loki tried to suppress the sigh that hissed out through his slightly rictus smile.

Narfi got the box out from one of their cupboards and set up the board. The children bickered over the playing pieces while Loki shared out the money, but the game proceeded well enough. Vali was improving in her counting, and Narfi wasn’t trying to boss his sister around quite as much as usual. Loki, as always, managed to run out of money and property first, and he glared idly at the dice, trying to work out if he had personally offended them in some way. The two children continued, at first happy with Loki as the banker.

Then the silliness began. Narfi started folding up the money to keep in his pocket and buy items from around the room. Vali started throwing the dice so that it hit the playing pieces. It made Loki smirk at the mischief, but for some reason whatever tricks Narfi came up with offended Vali, and whenever Vali thought up something naughty, Narfi whined about it. Loki’s communication with them devolved from discussing who had the best property and whether Narfi should buy a skate park or a video game shop, and turned into a constant litany of ‘stop annoying your brother’, ‘do not throw counters at your sister’, and ‘sit down before you hurt yourself’. 

Norns, he thought, I am the _god_ of mischief, and yet I cannot cope with my children’s misbehaviour! 

Eventually Narfi yelled at Vali about knocking his counters over just after he’d put them back up for the third time, Vali screamed back wordlessly and stamped her feet, and Loki, anger flaring, threw them both out of the dining room before setting the entire game on fire.

His breathing was harsh, fingers bound into his hair, as he ran through everything he should have done differently, all the reasons the game had deteriorated so terribly and what he should do to make it better next time, when both children shuffled back into the room. 

“Sorry Moðir.”

His heart melted and he turned with a half smile curling his cheek and pulled them both into an embrace. “I’m sorry I shouted,” he sighed, his face buried in soft hair. “And burned the game.”

“That’s OK,” said Narfi. “You’re the _best_ Moðir in the whole wide world.”

Vali squeezed his shoulders, her chubby little cheek pressed against his. “I love you so _much_ in the whole wide world!”

“I love you too, both of you, so much,” he said, his heart feeling like it might burst with joy and grief and guilt. “Would you like to watch a movie?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

“JARVIS?”

“Of course, sir. What would you like to watch, children?”

“Totoro!”

“Rise of the Guardians!”

“No, Totoro!”

“According to my records, Miss Vali chose the last movie, so Master Narfi will choose this time.”

“Awwwwwhhhh!” Vali wailed and stomped her feet. 

Narfi did a victory dance. “Come on, Vali, you like the Tooth Fairy, don’t you?”

“No!”

“You do!”

“NO!”

Narfi shrugged and went to the sofa to watch the TV. Vali stood with her arms crossed, brow scrunched up and lower lip pouting and Loki rubbed the bridge of his nose, anxiety rising again. No matter what he did, it ended like this.

“Miss Vali," said JARVIS, "you know the agreement. If you do not want to watch your brother’s choice you may play in a different room, but you must accept it. It will be your turn next, remember.”

“Yay!” And that was all it took. Vali brightened up in an instant and ran over to sit next to Narfi, where he spread half of his blanket over her feet. 

Loki sighed at his own failure. “Thank you, JARVIS.”

“My pleasure, sir.”

He slumped upstairs to gather some of his books. He had some new ideas for protective spells to place around the property, but he’d found it difficult to focus. The children often woke at night, and he would spend hours kneeling by the bed, stroking their hair, long after they had fallen back to sleep. He tried not to put them in front of the television too much, but there were times when he felt he would explode if he did not leave them for an hour.

Ridiculous, he thought, pulling a leather bound book from one of the shelves in his office. He had spent a hundred years pining after his children, and now that they were here he wanted time to himself. He felt his lip curl in a sneer of self-loathing. Truly, satisfaction was not in his nature, and he was a selfish creature who had never deserved his children. He had gained them through lies and trickery and selfishness, and here he was, selfish in his dealings with them again.

He sat down heavily, opening the book on his lap but not seeing the words, and wondered, yet again, if they would have been better off with Angrboda. If he had never found them. They would have grown up like the triplets, wild and free and fierce, and completely secure in the love of an incredible woman. Instead he had brought them under the care of a broken creature, who should never have been able to bear them were he not some unnatural freak, who then tried to escape when he should have been blessing their presence every moment of the day. 

And for Narfi to call him the best mother in the world was like a knife to his heart…he had somehow tricked an innocent child into such beliefs, and he could not even be sure how. One day Narfi would grow up, and he would realise how wrong he had been, and he would hate him for having lied to him, having allowed him to believe he was the best…

“Sir?”

Loki jerked up at JARVIS’ voice, and tears he hadn’t known he was shedding fell onto the page beneath his hands. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. “Yes?”

“Is there anything I can help you with, sir?” The AI’s voice sounded so painfully gentle, Loki wanted to scream and tear his hair out. He should not be treating him with such kindness.

“I…no, thank you JARVIS. Are the children well?”

“They are engrossed in the movie, sir. Are you OK?”

“Yes, thank you, JARVIS.”

“If you don’t mind me saying so, sir, I wasn’t just asking about your physical health.”

Loki sighed. Was he so obvious? How had he ever hidden anything in Asgard? “I…” He closed his eyes and smiled, because he would have to scream if he did not. “I will be fine, thank you JARVIS.”

“Yes, sir.”


	3. ᚦ Thurisaz (Danger)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair bit of graphic violence in this chapter, also discussions of suicide and suicidal ideation. Cos I'm all rainbows and butterflies ;)
> 
> By the way, Thor's characterisation in this fic is heavily influenced by STARSdidathing's beautiful fic [Sharpen Your Teeth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5363684/chapters/12386846)
> 
> So in other words VERY different to the Thor in the Unconditional series, or in Vicious Cycle, or even in the fic I'm currently halfway through writing on paper...
> 
> I think I write too much you guys...

Clint found him by the lake shore, his hands clamped over his biceps, trying to hold the vibrations of anger and anxiety and uselessness in. He jerked around as he heard his footsteps on the gravel. “Are the children well? Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, Loki, they’re fine. JARVIS had them playing hide and seek. You know he wouldn’t let them out of the house.”

Loki sagged, letting out a long breath. “I should not have left them. I knew it as I did so but…”

“Hey, Loki, don’t worry. It’s not like you left them alone, JARVIS was there.”

Loki couldn’t bring himself to reply. His words caught with his breath in his chest and he clenched his fists, forcing himself to breathe.

“Hey,” Clint said again. “Are you OK?”

He nodded and smiled, straightening up. “Yes. I…I needed to find somewhere to set a protection spell, it was easier without them.”

“When was the last time you had a break from the kids?”

“I do not need a break from them,” he snapped, walking past. “I had a break of a hundred years.”

“Loki, that’s not…” Clint sighed and followed him. “Look, Laura sent me and Jor back to invite you all over for dinner. Tony’s not coming back til tomorrow, right?”

Loki faltered, surprised. “That is very kind of her, she does not need to—“

“Lila’s been on at me for ages to bring them over. She was deeply offended that Jor came without Narfi today. I think she’s got a little crush,” he grinned. 

Loki turned and narrowed his eyes at Clint. He could tell there was a lie in there somewhere.

Clint sighed. “OK, so I’m inviting you over because we’re worried.”

“We?”

“JARVIS texted me.”

Loki let out his breath in a long hiss and marched back towards the house. 

“He said he’d do the same for Tony if he didn’t write it into his protocols to keep quiet.”

Loki froze, still facing away from Clint. The assassin walked up to stand next to him. “JARVIS worries about all of you.”

“It is not necessary—“

“Bullshit, Loki. Don’t forget I’ve been in your head. I remember you putting yourself in the most dangerous situations. Reckless. You were trying to get killed, and every time someone came close, you were fucking gleeful, OK? You think we didn’t notice?” He snorted. “Agent Turner and I were planning to get you a therapist, you know. When the whole glorious purpose thing was over. We were discussing which one in SHIELD would be the best for you on the way over to the helicarrier. He was going to capture Dr Wu.” 

Loki stared at him, jaw slack, horrified and humiliated. Clint smacked him on the shoulder. “Don’t look so traumatised. But this shit doesn’t go away by itself, Loki. Can you honestly tell me you’re not still thinking of ways to die?”

Loki snorted and turned away, but Clint grabbed the shoulder he’d just thumped. Loki closed his eyes.

“Didn’t think so.”

“How can I be so selfish?”

“I don’t think it’s selfishness, Loki.”

“What else could it be, Barton?” he snapped. “I have my children back, my two perfect children. And yet sometimes I fantasise about driving a dagger through my temple, because maybe that would work. The ones dipped in ichor would almost certainly cause lasting damage akin to death.”

“Why?” he asked, but it wasn’t judgemental. “What sets you off?”

“I do not even know! If it was something concrete, some _reason_ I could deal with, it would not be so…so shameful.” He curled his shoulders in, crossing his arms and resting his head on one hand. “Clint, I have…I have everything I ever wanted. I have people who accept me. A man who actually _loves_ me as I do him. I have _my children_. The children I thought I would never see alive again! I…I thought, before, that if I died I would see them, that _that_ was why I wanted to die. But here they are, within my reach on this side of the veil, and I…I _still_ turn to gaze into that void. What is _wrong_ with me?”

Clint rubbed his shoulder and took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Loki. But you’re not alone. I’m not going to say there’s not _something_ wrong, but don’t think that means there’s something fundamentally wrong _with you_. It’s just…brain chemistry. And because you’re an alien, and a war criminal, it’s not like we can take you to a regular doctor, but will you at least talk to Angrboda?”

“No!” he gasped, and looked desperately at Clint. “I cannot—please—what if she knows I am not fit to take care of the children? She will take them—she would be within her rights to take them, I am _not_ fit, but…but I can’t, please—“

“OK, OK, calm down. I won’t tell her. But for what it’s worth, I think she wouldn’t think of it like that. I think she’d understand. She’s a mom, she knows how hard it is with little kids. Hey, that brings me back to my original point. You guys, dinner, our place.” 

Loki bit his lip, wanting with equal parts to accept and have a buffer between himself and his children, to protect them from his darkness, and to smile and assure everyone he could cope by himself. 

Clint stood in front of him and held both shoulders, glaring at him as if he could see his entire internal conversation. “Loki, you know everyone needs a break from their kids sometimes, right? Before I retired from SHIELD I used to go on missions for months at a time, I come home thinking of much I want to spend every second with the kids, and within twenty four hours I want to hide myself away in the garage again. It’s _natural_. It’s just what happens. Everyone needs a bit of space. And you’re not being a terrible parent by taking that space, either, you’re just showing them that their mom has thoughts and a life and needs outside of them. The world doesn’t revolve around them, you know?”

It was the smell, or rather the sensation of ozone and electricity in the air that alerted him. Loki froze, his mouth open to reply to Clint when he heard the distant hum of a jet and the closer, approaching whistle of a flying imbecile with a blunt instrument.

“Clint, to the house, now.”

“What?”

“Thor is coming," he breathed.

“Shit!”

“Stay with the children. I will handle him.”

“What, alone? Listen, Loki, that’s very brave and all, but—“

“Of the two of us, Barton, which is incapable of dying?”

“You don’t know that for sure. You might have just got lucky - anyway, weren’t you just talking about ‘effects akin to death’?”

“Barton, my children, now!” He could see a speck on the horizon and turned to face the man who was once his brother while Clint thankfully stopped arguing and started running.

Thor landed with a thump, one knee bent low, kicking up a crater of sand and gravel. “Loki, you have gone too far.”

“Thor, what a pleasure.” His heart pounded, and he raised the arrogant, sneering mask. He would not give any enemy the satisfaction of seeing his fear.

“I thought you dead…again,” Thor snarled, Mjolnir hefted as he stalked towards him. Loki deliberately did not look at the hateful weapon as he cast a double to take his place and ported to the side. His clone looked up as the Avengers’ jet landed, releasing the Captain, the Widow and a man with a silver backpack. Loki himself kept his eyes securely on Thor, noting the new attackers’ positions through his illusion's vision.

“Loki, you need to come with us,” called the Captain, always so reasonable.

“Oh, I think not,” said Loki’s clone.

“Do you remember what I said I would do if you betrayed me again, _Brother?_ ” Thor spat the last word, and through his hurt and rage Loki saw the irony that Thor had probably learned that particular way of saying the word from Loki himself.

“Betrayed?” he snarled, his clone walking towards the thunderous god. “Tell me how I betrayed you, Thor. By leading you to Malekith as asked? By killing the Kursed when you could not? For saving your woman? Twice?” He smirked at Thor’s twitch. “How _is_ the delightful Lady Jane these days?”

The clone flickered to nothing as Thor’s fist flew through it, and Loki reappeared with a vicious smile. Too easy.

But he had celebrated too soon. Apparently Thor _was_ capable of learning, for he used his momentum passing through the illusion to spin himself and hurl the hammer at Loki the instant he re-appeared, Mjolnir clipping Loki’s shoulder and sending pain shooting through his arm and into his ribcage as he caught himself on the gravel.

“Thor, stop!”

“Barton!” Loki yelled, his eyes betraying his fear as he had sworn the wouldn’t. “I told you to stay back!”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the boss of me any more, Loki,” the man replied, an arrow notched and pointing at Thor. He didn’t even glance at his old teammates as he spoke. “Sorry, guys, but you don’t know the whole story.”

“Barton, what are you doing?” yelled the Captain.

Romanoff put her hand on his arm. “He’s got him under his control again, Steve.”

“Not this time, Tasha,” Clint said, his voice so steady it had to be false. “Regular old baby blue eyes here.”

“Friend Barton, I have no quarrel with you. But I will be taking Loki back to his cell, or he will give me his life for his betrayal.”

Loki snorted as he stood. “You already had my life, you idiot. Or as close as I can give it, it seems.”

“No more of your tricks, Loki. No more lies, and illusions. You pretended to die in my arms. I mourned you again.”

“I did not pretend, you fool! I thought to die. I welcomed it. Preferable to thousands of years in solitary confinement.”

“Guys, there’s really a lot you don’t know about Loki - about New York,” Clint tried again. “Just calm down and let us explain.”

“Clint, you’re compromised,” said Romanoff gently. Patronisingly.

“Why should anyone believe the Liesmith?” snarled Thor.

“Why should anyone expect the Berserker to think?” snapped Loki, letting his hurt and anger get the better of him again. “Unless it is to use his hammer as his brain. And I do not just talk of Mjolnir.” He grabbed his own crotch, lip curled in a sneer.

Thor raised Mjolnir again, only proving Loki’s point, and storm clouds gathered in his fury as he had expected.

He did not expect a small shape in the grass at Clint’s feet to shimmer and grow, swelling and stretching to reveal the largest serpent Jor had ever presented.

The Avengers shouted in horror and raised their weapons. Clint dropped his bow and waved his arms, screaming “don’t shoot, don’t shoot.”

Thor turned from Loki, eyes wide in surprise. He whirled his warhammer and let it fly at a child under Loki’s care.

Loki knew he could not stop Mjolnir, so he hurled himself at Jor, leaping high to push the huge snake’s head with all his strength and magic. In the instant before Mjolnir struck his chest full force, he saw the snake’s body flicker, leaving the young Jotun in skinny jeans and converse trainers sprawled at Clint’s feet with an open expression of surprise. Then the hammer hit him.

He felt his ribs shatter before he even hit the cliff. Stones embedded themselves in his temple, and his cheekbone, jaw and skull cracked, sending spears of pain across his face and into his neck. But nothing below that. Mjolnir lay on top of his crushed chest, pressing the air out of him. He couldn’t breathe for so long that panic flared through what was left of his consciousness, and when he finally gulped for breath, he choked. Warm iron filled his mouth and bubbled out of his lips. Clint and Jor bent over him, Jor sobbing and speaking, but he couldn’t hear the words. Clint was trying to heave Mjolnir away, shouting. Loki’s eyesight was darkening and he tried to open his eyes wider to see again. His chest should hurt. But all he could feel was the pain in his face. Even when Thor lifted Mjolnir and crouched by his side he felt nothing. He tried to speak, ask why Thor was so concerned when this was what he’d said he _wanted_ , but no words came, just another gush of warm liquid.


	4. ᛚ Laguz (Formlessness)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still more hurt than comfort for this chapter I'm afraid...and it might be a bit graphic too. It is getting better though!

It was warm and peaceful, and he hadn’t felt like this for some time. There were people waiting for him, across the warm dark ocean that lapped and caressed his body. Sigyn, Mother…but not his babies, and not his Tony.

Loki huffed a laugh in his head. Of course. He would only realise that he wanted to live when on the way to the land of the dead. Satisfaction really was not in his nature. But right now, this was the most satisfied he had ever been, not truly caring upon which shore he was washed.

The ghost of arms wrapped around his chest as he floated on his back in the absence of pain. Every moment they grew stronger, more solid, and he closed his eyes, accepting of his fate.

And then the world was filled with a green and gold glow, blinding, passing across his vision insidiously and bringing with it a slow and building pain. For now it was localised to his face, a steady throb, then tingling at the edges of the breaks in his bones, but there was a torturous crunch at the base of his skull as vertebrae knitted together and his spinal cord reassembled, and his entire body flooded with it. Loki’s eyes flew open, sightless against the glow, and he would have screamed had his lungs not still been full of blood. He could feel the shard of a rib moving in his right ventricle, drawing itself out of the muscle slowly as his heart fluttered frantically around it, pumping blood into his chest cavity, into his punctured lungs so it bubbled up his throat and down his chin. He could not hold on…it was too slow, the healing would bring him half way back, but it was _too slow_ and he could not bear it, could not survive this lack of air, this all encompassing pain, not again. 

As the darkness closed on him again, before his lungs had managed to pull in a single breath of air, he was released back into the ocean, and none of it was necessary any more. He had no need to breathe here, the pain was a distant memory as he drifted, shocked only because he knew creatures should feel shock when they die twice from the same injury.

There was a nagging memory that this had happened before. He could vaguely remember waking up to worried brown eyes the last time the green glow of his own treacherous magic knitted his heart back together. Would it work again? He wondered idly, but felt no particular care either way. For now, resting on the black ocean was enough, and he closed his eyes for an eternity to feel the water toy with weightless strands of his hair, rocking him with wavelets never large enough to cover his face.

He didn’t know how long it was before the green started to build. This time the pain grew upon him slowly, along with some awareness of a hand on his wrist, of soft leather beneath his back. Of a beloved voice shouting, and before the pain grew too great he wanted to smile and reach out for his lover.

“…least you managed to carry his body inside this time, _fuck_ …”

“He’s got a pulse, guys, he’s…”

The Widow’s voice was drowned out by the screaming in his ears. He knew it wasn’t him making the noise, because he still couldn’t breathe, his lungs still bubbled with blood. The bone in his heart finally left with a sickening pop and the muscle fibres reached for each other. The injury itself had been immediate and hidden by a broken neck, but the return to normal was unbearable in its sadistic slowness, bringing to mind the Other’s knife sinking into his flesh like an elegant dance while Thanos watched, greedy for his pain. 

Other ribs popped and cracked, pulling out of his lungs, and all of a sudden there was the hint of space there. He threw himself to the side and coughed, spitting yet more blood and heaving on the air, begging it to feed him, hunched over and panicked against the fluids still trapped in his chest.

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him up and rubbing circles into his back, a voice hardly heard but murmuring low so he could feel its vibrations under the high pitched _pain_ that screamed through his ears. There was an animal moan, a drowning gasp, and then the green slowed and dropped him into the ocean again.

The next episode felt immediate, and at the same time, he could not tell if an eternity had passed him by. His eyes opened, and instead of the dark ocean he could see brown eyes, hear loving words before the pain grew through the tissues and bones, knitting them together in such a way as to cause pain with every step. The screaming came from him this time, but he only knew that because when he drew in a breath, the sound stopped. He battled the panic and the agony, forced his mind to face the sensations of his body reshaping itself the way he had faced his torturers, with ferocity and pride and a mask of disdain.

“Shit, his eyes, the pupils are different sizes, doesn’t that mean a brain haemorrhage? Lokes, Loki! Oh my god, can you hear me?”

Stars and galaxies of pain flowered across his mind. Not possible, thought Loki, knowing the brain has no pain receptors. Somehow he was forced to feel his veins re-absorbing the blood, closing up the vessels, replacing dead cells. He opened his mouth to reassure Tony, and a bubbling keen came out instead. Tony looked stricken and cupped Loki’s cheeks in his hands. “It’s OK, babe, you’re gonna be fine, your magic’s doing its thing.”

“Moðir?” 

“Is that a kid?”

Loki’s eyes snapped to the archway to the kitchen, and it took his visual perception a while to catch up with the sudden movement. When the stars cleared, the green glow was starting to fade too, and he clung to consciousness with both hands. “Narfi…”

Clint was kneeling down next to the little boy, whose eyes were wide and horrified. Loki reached out to him as he gulped out a sob.

“Hey, little guy, don’t cry, it’s OK, Moðir’s gonna be fine.” Tony’s voice trembled as he left Loki’s side to scoop Narfi up, tucking him close, taking as much comfort from the embrace as he was giving. 

Loki tried to lift himself straight up, but his muscles rebelled, and he had to roll onto his side, bones shifting and cutting into different tissues, as he pushed up to a sitting position. “Narfi,” he tried again.

The little boy was sobbing loudly, but Tony heard and turned to him. “Lie down, you idiot,” he snapped, hurrying over. Loki leaned back into the sofa and reached out again for Narfi, so Tony placed him gently on the filthy leather so he was tucked up under Loki’s arm. He burrowed into Loki’s shoulder, his little arms clinging around his neck, which ground and made Loki’s vision blur.

“Hey, go easy on your mom, he’s hurting,” Clint said, rubbing Narfi’s back.

“‘Mom’?” asked the new Avenger, his nose crinkled in confusion.

Loki ignored him, feeling his grip on consciousness failing, and pulled Narfi’s head back to look him in the eye. “Darling, I need to sleep now. Will you let me lie down?”

“You’re not going to die, are you?” he begged.

Loki tried to shake his head, and found he couldn’t make the muscles move, so he smiled sadly instead. “No, I will not,” he assured him. “I just need time to heal.” He looked at Tony, who lowered his body down, lifting his legs onto the seat. “Keep Thor away…” he murmured, clutching Tony’s Iron Man undersuit sleeve. Tony was always wearing the suit when he came back from the dead, he thought, before drifting into unconsciousness again.


	5. ᛖ Ehwaz (Faith)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Thor fans...he really is an arsehole in this fic!

The healing woke him again, and a scream escaped his lips before he could claw back some self-control and grip Tony’s offered hand, breathing quick, shallow breaths. His heart was on fire, his lungs breathed smoke, and the bones in his head flowed with molten steel.

When it passed he slumped back against the sofa, but found it slightly easier than before to stay awake. He opened his eyes as Tony stroked his cheek with his thumb, a watery half-smile crinkling his eyes. 

“OK?” 

Loki nodded slightly, glancing around. “The children?”

“Uh, they’re…Jor took them upstairs, he’s cuddled up in bed with them. Clint’s standing guard, and JARVIS said the three of them fell asleep about half an hour ago.”

Loki sighed. “They must be traumatised.”

Tony nodded. He looked traumatised himself. “You’re not supposed to die before me,” he whispered, then looked up at Loki as if he hadn't meant to say it.

Loki smiled sadly. “I do not think I will be dying before anyone.”

“You did though,” came a new voice. Loki turned to see the Widow walking into his field of vision. “You died. Twice, actually. No pulse for a good twenty minutes the first time, before that green stuff hit.”

Tony let out a breath and squeezed his eyes shut. Romanoff looked almost apologetic. 

“I assure you, it was not intentional.”

“What, dying or coming back?”

“Neither,” he admitted. Tony’s face snapped up to glare at him. “I had no control over the latter”, he said, stroking Tony’s face. “But I am grateful that it brought me back to you, to my family.”

“Yeah, about that,” Romanoff drawled. “We’re going to have to hear that story, I think.”

Tony sighed. “JARVIS, order enough pizza for everyone, please.” He looked up at her. “Think you can manage to wait until Loki’s had a shower? Or do you want to hear the story with his hair stuck to a pool of dried blood? I’m pretty sure that’s not enough to hold him, in case you’re wondering.”

She rolled her eyes and waved at him, sauntering off without another word. Tony looked at Loki, eyebrows raised, and Loki let him help him up, staggering towards the closest bathroom.

The memories hit Loki hard enough to make him dizzy as they stepped into the tiled room and stripped, Tony supporting Loki into the shower. He held him around the waist as he had when he’d returned with the infection, almost a year ago. It was a blink by Jotun standards, and Loki had much more than that stretching ahead of him if he was truly unable to die. But the life he had with the chaotic mortal had absorbed him, giving him enough memories that he could make them stretch to hours of reminiscence, and he hoped, he begged, that the time that remained to them would be enough to sustain him through millennia of solitude. This time, when Tony reached up to rub shampoo in Loki’s matted hair, he turned and rested his head on his shoulder, rubbing his hands along the wet skin of his back just for the comfort of sensation.

“I was so worried,” whispered Tony, stroking his long hair over his shoulder as the water poured through it. “JARVIS contacted me the moment Clint came in the house yelling to Jor to get the kids to safety, and I came straight here.” He laughed. “I broke a window flying out, didn’t bother to get to a balcony.” 

Loki smiled and tightened his arms around Tony’s waist. “So dramatic.”

“Says the guy who pushed a giant snake out of the way of an unstoppable hammer.”

“Jor could have been killed,” he protested.

“You actually _were_ killed,” Tony snapped back.

“It did not take, as you can see.”

“Loki, I came back to find the Avengers fucking bent over your dead bloody body, with Jor in hysterics and Clint pointing an arrow at Thor, threatening to electrocute the fucking God of Thunder if he came anywhere near you. Natasha said you’d had no pulse for ages. You fucking _died_ , Loki.”

“I am sorry,” he whispered.

Tony put his hands on his cheeks, and lifted his tired head to look at him. “I thought my heart was going to stop when I saw you there. You were…you were _pulped_. Your chest had actually caved in on the side, it was…it was _sick_. There was so much blood, just…and then when you woke up the first time, god, the noises your body made…and there was _more_ blood, just gushing out of your mouth, and…and then you blacked out again, and your heart stopped _again_ , and I swear I didn’t know how I was going to cope. I was just thinking about Vali and Narfi and how I was going to tell them I couldn’t keep their mom safe, and they’d have to go back to Angrboda, and…I’ve been planning to have at least a few more years before I get too old for you guys, you know? I…” his voice trailed off and he put his hand over his mouth, eyes squeezed shut as tears ran down his cheeks, mixing with the water. Loki pulled him close, pressing their bodies together as the shower hammered down on his back. “I can’t do without you, Lokes,” he whispered, his voice so broken against Loki’s chest, and his heart broke like the bone had stabbed through it again.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” Tears escaped his own eyes and he pressed his unbroken cheek against Tony’s hair. He wanted to tell him he couldn’t do without him either, but it was too close. He would have to, in a matter of decades, and how could he possibly cope? Tony pulled back and kissed him gently, wet lips moving softly against each other before pressing his head back against Loki’s collarbone again.

***

Neither of them wanted to put their filthy, bloodstained clothes back on, so they simply wrapped large towels around their waists before returning to the living room. “Fuck them,” said Tony sharply. “They’re the ones invading our home, if they don’t want to see us getting out the shower they shouldn’t turn up like fucking psychos.” Loki didn’t point out that he, at least, was still a criminal on two realms. Three, if Surtur hadn’t forgiven him for that business a couple of centuries ago.

Well. Four, if the Dwarves still wanted his head.

He was too tired to argue that wearing clothes would make them appear stronger. He didn’t think there was much he could do to appear strong in any way when he was forced to his knees in the doorway by another bout of perfectly timed healing.

When he staggered to his feet again, clutching at the towel hanging low on his waist and leaning on Tony’s shoulder, he was faced with the disconcerting sight of his enemies gathered around looking concerned for him. He shook his head, looking at Tony and Clint. _Mortals_. They were a special case.

Tony led him to the sofa, where Captain America was moving cleaning products and a basin filled with bloody water and a scouring pad. Loki tried to flick his magic at the mess that remained, but winced when it stuttered in his veins and sank back into him to recover.

“Don’t go wasting your magic on cleaning, Lokes,” Tony snorted, and Loki rolled his eyes. He lowered himself onto the sofa and tried to sit upright, a king holding court rather than a battered prisoner facing execution. Tony jerked his head to the stairs. “I’ll get us some bathrobes.”

The silence settled into the space between him and the Avengers when Tony left the room. Loki glared at each of them. Only Romanoff met his eye. 

“The scar…” Thor gestured to his chest, and Loki looked down at the silver line that ran to the left of his sternum.

“It was no illusion,” he said evenly, running his finger down the thin skin.

“So then you truly—“

“Yes. I died on Svartalfheim.”

“Look,” said the new Avenger, and Loki really wished someone would introduce him. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m completely lost. You invaded New York, right? So why the hell is Tony Stark shacked up with you? Did you switch sides, or did he?”

“All will be revealed, Fly Boy,” said Tony, returning with Loki’s favourite robe, white and soft and ridiculously indulgent, and all of a sudden Loki didn’t care about looking healthy and just wanted to be curled up next to Tony surrounded in the warm fabric, his hands wrapped around a mug of tea and some mindless movie on the television so he could fall asleep on his lover’s shoulder.

Tony helped him to stand and wrapped the robe around him, and he wanted to cry, of all the stupid things. He allowed himself a nudge, a kiss to his temple, and then lowered himself back to his seat, ignoring the slight sneer of Thor’s upper lip.

“Sir, the pizza has arrived,” said JARVIS.

“Great, thanks JARV. Call Clint down, will you?”

“Mr Barton says he is unwilling to leave the children unguarded,” JARVIS replied, and Loki smiled fondly.

“Good point,” said Tony, casting an evil glance at Thor. “Would you do the honours, bud?”

“My pleasure, sir.” A whirring came from the workshop, and three Iron Man suits climbed the stairs to take up guard positions at the children’s bedroom. 

Clint emerged a moment later, his quiver and bow strapped to his back. “Hey Loki. Good to see you up and about again.”

Loki nodded to him. “Thank you.” He hoped the two simple words could convey the depth of his gratitude, just how grateful he was for everything Clint had done in the last few hours. He glanced at the sunrise over the lake. More than just a few hours, then.

Tony handed out pizza and sat beside Loki, pressed up against him. The others arranged themselves on the various seats, all avoiding the large rust coloured area.

“I think we’re going to need an explanation,” started Captain Rogers.

“Yeah,” said Tony, glaring at Thor. “And then I think _we’ll_ be needing an explanation. About a lot of fucking things.”

Loki let the others talk. Thor ground out the tale of Malekith, neatly skipping the part where he had forgotten to tell Loki of his mother’s death, or where he and his friends had threatened Loki with death in the event of his inevitable betrayal. He wondered if Hogun, Volstagg and Sif would take their turn killing him as well, now that he was immortal. Regardless of the fact that he had not actually betrayed anyone this time. Thor also skimmed over Loki’s death, and he wondered if he was embarrassed at having held his dying brother, at having begged him to hold on, or whether anything Thor felt conflicted over or disliked just ceased to exist in his memory. The final part of his tale was new to Loki, in which Thor returned to Asgard to request permission to remain on Midgard with Jane Foster, praising Loki’s honourable death and relinquishing the throne. Odin had flown into a rage with him, threatening to end Foster’s life himself, before falling into the Odinsleep and leaving Thor bitter on the throne.

Tony took up the mantle, voice sharp edged, to tell of how he had flown through the portal and found Loki coming back to life in the black sand, his brown eyes narrowed at Thor when he told of the shattered sternum and scar tissue on his pericardium that JARVIS had detected. Loki closed his eyes and pretended to sleep so he did not have to see Thor’s lack of a reaction, or anyone’s pity. But when Clint spoke of Gamora’s visit he blinked again, tilting his head on Tony’s shoulder to watch Rogers and Romanoff.

“Wait, so you were mind controlled to?” Rogers sounded off balance, like he wasn’t sure whether to be disbelieving or guilty.

“Not exactly,” Loki said, and didn’t bother to elaborate. 

He should have, he realised, when JARVIS and Clint went on to explain that he had had a different part of his brain affected by the mind stone, and had been tortured for a year prior to his arrival on Midgard. Silence met the information.

“Seriously, guys, I’m not compromised,” sighed Clint irritably.

“You must understand,” said Romanoff, “that this is all very convenient for Loki. He escapes from prison, shacks up with Tony Stark, and suddenly he’s innocent? Why didn’t he say anything before?”

“When, exactly, would I have been met with a different reaction?” Loki asked, closing his eyes again, disinterested in the conversation. It was less confrontational than he’d been expecting.

“You could have told us when you were in custody in the Helicarrier. We could have helped,” said Rogers.

Loki looked carefully at him. He _would_ have helped. The rest of the Avengers, the rest of the mortals, would have refused to believe his tale, but Rogers would have heard a victim and sprung into action. “Mind link,” he explained shortly, embarrassed by his childish swell of affection for a crusader, someone willing to stand between him and danger without thinking less of him. “My actions, even my thoughts, were monitored during the invasion. It ended when the Hulk split my skull,” he said, glancing at Romanoff, whose face betrayed nothing.

A short, awkward silence, and Clint picked up his tale again. Loki kept his eyes fixed on Thor as Clint told of their journey to Jotunheim to find the children. He found himself surprised by some of the events, as if it had been a trip he had taken in a dream. Thor’s face was set. He seemed to have taken lessons in holding one’s expression from Odin, and the thought made Loki recognise his rising anxiety. He forced it away, furious at himself for even approaching the idea of wanting to win _Thor’s_ approval. Trying to earn Odin’s for a thousand years was bad enough.

“Wow,” said the new Avenger.

“Yeah,” said Rogers. “Loki threw the Battle of New York, and he’s got children.”

“They are not children.” 

The low rumble startled everyone, even Loki, who’d been expecting something along those lines.

“What do you mean, they’re not children? You’ve seen Narfi,” Tony said, his voice rising in indignation.

Thor’s nose crinkled on one side as if he had to touch something disgusting. “I am a God of Fertility. Children are created from the union of a man and a woman, not a _male sorcerer_ taking the body of a woman. They are abominations.”

Loki was expecting the tension that jarred the air around Clint and Tony. He had not been expecting the three visitors to be just as angry with Thor’s statements.

Thor seemed unaffected by the environment, as always. He had moulded his world around him, everyone so eager to please the crown prince that he had never needed to pay attention to the way the air changed its flavour when strong emotions were being felt and not expressed. He leaned forwards to look at Loki, pleading with his reason. “I thought that this foolishness had ended with Sigyn,” he said. “I thought you had realised that this was for the best, that this illusion came to an end.”

“My children are not, have never been, an illusion,” Loki said, forcing his voice to keep even and quiet, but unable to stop the venom in the words.

“Loki,” he shook his head, as if Loki was a foolish Midgardian child who still believed in Santa Claus well beyond the age of cynicism. “This behaviour is not becoming. You had your fun with Sigyn, playing the woman, but to now bring my shield brother into this depravity? You are bringing the Man of Iron down into shame that he may not easily escape as you did by virtue of your position. How do you justify this selfishness to yourself? And then to recover these…these _constructs_ that you made in your _deviancy?”_

Thor’s face crinkled up as if he would be sick, and Loki barked out a laugh. That Vali and Narfi could inspire such disgust was the last word in surreal, and he let himself fall back against the cushions. One could not argue with a nightmare.

Tony thought differently. He stood, every limb shaking in fury, and pointed at the glass doors to the lake. “Get out.”

“What?”

“I said get the fuck out. You’re in here spouting this _poison_ about _my family_ , and I’m not having it. Get out. Don’t bother to come back.”

Thor stood as well, his height and bulk towering above Tony, and Loki was up in a quick motion, standing in front of his love and ignoring the stabbing, burning pain running up and down his torso with the quick motion. 

“I will not be insulted—“

“You forget your place, _Brother_ ,” snapped Loki. “You are the guest in this house, on this realm, and Regent of Asgard or not, you are obliged to respect Tony’s wishes.”

“Then you will accompany me,” he snarled, stepping forward, Mjolnir in his fist as if he had learned nothing. “You have your sentence to serve in prison in atonement for your sins.”

“My sentence?” he snorted, a vicious smile growing. “My life in that cell? It is spent, surely, twice over.”

“What?” The hammer dropped slightly in his grip, and Loki wondered how hard he must work at denial to be that obtuse.

“He’s already died twice,” said Romanoff, coming to stand beside Loki and casually adjusting her Widow’s Bites. “He’s already spent a life in jail.”

“Anyway,” added Rogers, his voice colder than Loki had ever heard, even when he faced him in Stuttgart. “He’s innocent, isn’t he? Doesn’t Asgard have some sort of appeals court, when you get new evidence it can be brought to trial again?”

“Trial?”

Loki smirked. “There are no trials on Asgard,” he replied, knowing how that would shock the Americans. “The Allfather’s word is law, and his law is absolute. I was…lucky…to escape execution.”

“Why didn’t you defend yourself then?” the other Avenger asked.

“There is no provision for it,” Loki shrugged. “I was brought before him in chains, he pronounced my sentence, I was taken to spend my life in a cell, in solitary confinement.”

“ _Life_ in _solitary?_ ” asked the man, horrified. Loki shrugged.

“Why would we allow him to speak?” Thor growled. “He would only twist the facts with his lying tongue.”

“Why would I speak?” Loki asked, drained of antagonism but still needing to stand in front of Tony, to keep him safe. “I would never be believed.”

“You know,” said Romanoff casually. “There’s such a thing as Asylum in USA.” She half-smiled at Clint. “There’s also such a thing as defection. I bet if we brought you in SHIELD would be happy to have you on our side.”

“At the expense of Thor?” he frowned, skeptical.

Romanoff shrugged, her eyes still fixed on the thunder god. “Thor’s not around much,” she pointed out. “He’s busy being king, isn’t he?”

“And you,” Thor said triumphantly, pointing at Loki with that fucking hammer, “have your own duties as prince, whether your time in jail has been served or not. You will be returning, Loki, mark my words.”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up into his hair. “Oh, so now I am prince, when it suits your ends? No, Brother, you mark _my_ words.” He spread his fingers, calling on his magic to respond, sluggish as it was. “I hereby rescind all claim to the thrones of Asgard and of Jotunheim, all connection to the line of Odin and of Laufey. I refuse my heritage, and I refuse any names other than Loki, and my branch of the family tree is severed.” Green light flared between them, and Loki felt it reverberating through Yggdrasil and into the laws of the two realms. He staggered slightly, set adrift among the mortals as no-one, nothing of import. And it was liberating. He raised his head, patting Tony’s hands where he’d grabbed him in support, and smiled at Thor. He could tell he had felt the ripples too. He could tell he had no call over him as kin or subject, and saw the anger flare in Thor’s eyes again. “You said you had lost all hope that your brother remained,” he said softly to Thor. “Now you are proven correct.”

“This is what you want?” Thor asked, his voice low and steeped in disgust. “You want to live as an _argr_ nothing with your false offspring? So be it. You have refused us for the last time, Loki Son-of-None. There will be no coming back from this childish rebellion.” He turned without a backward glance and marched out of the door, whirling Mjolnir and taking to the air. 

“Well,” said the new man. “That was fun.”

Loki turned to him. “What _is_ your name? It has been driving me mad.”

The man snorted and his cheek twitched up into a smile. “Sam Wilson. Good to meet you.”


	6. ᛗ Mannaz (Support)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki continues to mend

Loki and Tony fell asleep curled around each other, whispering reassurances and affection into each other’s skin. Loki woke alone, with the wave of vindictive healing magic flowing through his muscles, startling a sound out of him before he was properly awake and could clamp down on his treacherous voice.

When he was back in control of himself, he heard his children’s voices drifting up the stairs, drawing him towards them. He pulled on jeans and a black t-shirt, struggling to get his stiff body even into the loose clothing. 

Narfi and Vali were sitting at the kitchen counter with paper and colouring pencils spread in front of them, chatting to Clint and Wilson. Rogers and Romanoff stood in the doorway, heads bent close together, eyes on the children.

“Moðir!” Narfi saw Loki first and leaped down, and both children raced towards him, throwing themselves against him, Narfi’s face buried in Loki’s stomach and arms wrapped tightly around his hips. Loki winced and took a slow breath, trying to hold back any signs of pain as he rubbed their backs. “I was so worried about you, Moðir,” Narfi said, his voice muffled against Loki’s shirt.

“Me too!” said Vali cheerfully, and Loki guessed she hadn’t witnessed what had happened last night. She just liked to copy her big brother.

Loki ran his fingers through Narfi’s soft brown curls. “I am so sorry for scaring you, Narfi.”

“That’s OK. Are you hurt now?”

“I am getting better.”

“Want some pancakes?” Wilson asked.

Loki looked up in surprise. “Thank you.” He lowered himself carefully onto one of the seats at the breakfast bar and smiled as Wilson handed him a plate of fluffy pancakes. Narfi stayed close, wanting to be in physical contact all the time. Vali was happy to move a bit further away, but she took her lead from Narfi, and soon he was finding it difficult to lift his arm to feed himself, because both children seemed to find it essential to kiss that one _exact spot_ of his elbow.

“Hey, kids, leave Moðir alone, let him eat,” Tony said, appearing from behind and scooping both children up. “You know what you should do? Ask Uncle Steve over there to show you his drawing skills.” 

Vali cheered and pulled her paper and pencils off the table to run over to Rogers, who looked a little nervous. Narfi stuck out his lower lip and buried his head in Loki’s side, making him flinch.

“Sorry,” he muttered, without moving away.

“Narfi,” Tony said, rubbing his shoulder. “Let Moðir eat, at least. He’s not going anywhere.”

“I will be right here,” Loki told him, stroking his hair. “You will be able to see me the whole time, and I’ll be finished soon.”

He grunted and didn’t move. Loki sighed. While Vali’s defiance manifested as screaming rages, shouting and throwing things, when Narfi dug his heels in it was accompanied by silence and sulking. He buried his nose further into Loki’s ribs, and he couldn’t suppress a hiss of pain.

“Sorry Moðir.”

“Please give me some space, Narfi,” he tried, keeping his voice even.

“I just love you so much.”

“I know, and I love you as well, but you are hurting me. Please…” he gasped as Narfi pressed a solid kiss on his side. “Narfi! Stop. That hurts.” He pulled Narfi away, only for him to grab hold of his knee instead. Which hurt less, but by now the clinging was beginning to make his skin crawl. He clenched his fists and closed his eyes, breathing in through his nose and reasoning with himself. Narfi did not mean anything by it. He was afraid, and a little boy. He did not _intend_ to hurt, he just wanted to make sure his Moðir was safe and _there_ , and the only way he could do that was to hold him. But when Tony rubbed his shoulder he flinched violently and stood, pulling Narfi’s hands from around his leg. “I am going to the bathroom, OK?” he looked Narfi in the eye for a moment, then turned and limped upstairs.

His hands were shaking by the time he had reached the first floor, and he leaned against the mirror in the _en suite_ of his and Tony’s room, pressing his forehead against the cold glass. The guilt was quick to arrive. How could he push his child away when Narfi needed him so badly? He was only a little boy, and traumatised by seeing his Moðir so close to death, of course he needed to know he was well! And yet again, Loki was putting himself before his children, unable to get over himself and help someone in greater need.

“Are you OK?”

Romanoff’s voice made him jump so violently it triggered off another healing episode. Or it could have been a sour coincidence. Either way, he was bent double in front of a woman who had beaten him in a battle of wits, whom he had insulted with deliberately shameful misogyny. A woman who made a mockery of his title, the God of Lies. She had her hands on his shoulders, propping him up with his head on her shoulder. There was a shallow frown between her eyes as he pulled back, taking deep breaths. She manhandled him until he was sitting on the floor with his back against the bath, arm curled around his chest.

“Better?”

Loki just nodded, trying to get his breathing under control. He wanted her to just go away, leave him to hide himself away in the hopes that nobody would notice. Instead, she sat down against the wall, facing him. “Why are you in my bathroom?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I followed you.”

“Why?”

“Thought you looked distressed. You can get a lot out of a person when they’re emotionally compromised.”

“True,” he said. “Well, go ahead.”

“Why are you emotionally compromised?”

Loki laughed. “I was expecting more subtlety.”

“Why bother? We’re supposedly on the same side now.”

“Are you ever on anyone’s side?”

“I’m always on my own.”

“You sound like me.”

“No,” she shook her head and looked at him from inscrutable eyes. “You pretend you’re like that, but you’re not, are you? You’re the opposite. You find someone to win your loyalty and you’re uncompromisingly theirs, aren’t you?”

Loki snorted. “That is ridiculous.”

“Thor talks a lot when he’s drunk,” she said. “And apparently a pint or two of vodka will get even a god drunk. He told us stories about you. For hundreds of years you couldn’t do enough for Odin, then suddenly you turn on all of them. What happened?”

He rolled his eyes and shifted against the bath.

“I think you felt betrayed. And after yesterday, it sounds to me like you had good reason to feel that way.”

“It matters not.”

“No, it doesn’t, you’re right. Because you’ve got Tony now, haven’t you?”

“That’s not—“

“What happens when you feel like Tony’s betrayed you?”

Loki looked at her flatly and found himself losing a little respect for her paranoia. “You do realise that my children will live many hundreds of times longer than Tony, yes? Do you know the difference between the love for your child and anyone else? It does not matter if your children love you back. My love for them, my loyalty to them, does not depend on their loyalty to me.” He rolled his head around, stretching his sore neck muscles, and closed his eyes. “And when they are gone, well, you will no longer be around to concern yourself with my reactions.”

“You really are immortal then?” she asked softly. “You’re going to live longer than anyone, even your own kids.”

“Yes.”

She nodded, only a slight raise to her eyebrow betraying her reactions. They sat in silence across from each other in the bathroom as the shadows moved across the floor.

***

The days passed in a haze of dragging hours and sudden flurries of manic energy, the healing episodes still painful, but effective and attenuating. When they struck, Tony would wrap himself around Loki’s doubled over body and stroke his back, murmuring encouragement, giving him an anchor to cling to as the pain swelled and abated. He seemed to be prepared to do this even while the others were present, while the Captain looked away, blushing, and Romanoff watched with cold interest. 

And it wasn’t just the three Avengers who had arrived on the first day. One by one the others arrived, singly or in pairs to visit and gawk at the monster turncoat. Loki used all his considerable diplomatic skills to hold his blank politeness in front of them, to assure each one of his willingness to co-operate, to offer certain limited services to SHIELD, and to the security of Midgard. Fury had arrived in a swirl of helicopter blades and leather, single eye narrowed and pushing every button he knew about. Loki watched his posturing efforts, bored, until he swore in front of the children and Loki removed his voice with a gesture.

“Is that an adult word, Moðir?”

“Yes, Narfi.”

“Has that man lost his voice?”

“Yes, Vali. Do not point at mortals, they find it rude.”

“He looks really cross.”

“That would be nominative determinism for you.”

“What’s notimane dema—deta—“

“Nominative determinism is when someone becomes like their name. This gentleman’s name is Director Fury. Director, if I return your voice, will you please refrain from teaching my children swear words?”

“Oh, that’s OK, Moðir, Tony says motherfucker all the time.”

Loki glared at his lover and tried very hard not to laugh. Tony gave a wide grin and his best puppy eyes. “In my defence, it was, like, twice, and I’d got solder on my lap.” He turned to Narfi. “Remember what I said about not using those adult words?”

“I _didn’t_ use it! I just told Moðir that _you_ said it.”

Loki gave up and returned the director’s voice. Who taught the children some interesting euphemisms instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently (I saw it ages ago in an interview on Graham Norton) Samuel L Jackson has to do PG dubs for the aeroplane cuts of some of his movies, and he takes great pleasure in making up ridiculous euphemisms to go over his ubiquitous swear words ;) I couldn't resist the idea of Nick Fury using some of them to yell at Loki while his kids were present!


	7. ᛞ Dagaz (Hope)

Tony threw himself onto the mattress beside Loki with a loud sigh. “That’s it. The last one’s gone. We’ve got the place to ourselves again.”

Loki closed his book and turned to face him. His chest barely even ached with the movement. Tony turned his head and leaned forwards slightly to bump his nose against Loki’s. “I’m glad they know the truth about you now. And it’s nice to have people over. But it’s nice to just be alone.”

“You, me, and three children?” Loki teased.

“You know what I mean.”

Loki’s smile turned serious and he rested his forehead against Tony’s, stroking his cheekbones with his thumb. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“I know we make your life complex, inconvenient—“

Tony pulled back so he could see Loki’s face properly, a frown furrowing between his eyebrows. “Inconvenient? Yeah, that’s what everyone’s always wished for in their life, convenience.” He laughed and pulled Loki’s hips closer, kissing him on the head. “And as for complex? You do know I’m a genius, right? Complex is kinda my thing.”

Loki pressed his chin forwards and captured Tony’s lips in a slow kiss, linking their legs and sliding his hand under Tony’s shirt, over the muscle covered ribs. His thumb skated a sensitive nipple, and he felt Tony’s soft gasp as his nail flicked the nub. Tony’s lips slipped away from his, down his jaw and along his neck, so Loki’s head was almost resting against Tony’s rather than the pillow. Tony took a deep breath and pulled Loki close so that their bodies were pressed together along their length, chest, waist, hips, legs. His arms wrapped tight around Loki’s ribs, and he could feel his biceps tensing intermittently as they held each other close. He pulled his hand out from under Tony’s shirt and buried his fingers in his hair instead. Now the embrace had been made he wanted more of it, sex or not. He just wanted Tony pressed against him like this, so close their skin was almost merging.

“I’ll take your personal brand of complex as long as I can, Lokes,” Tony whispered.

“That will be as long as you live, then.” Loki didn’t know how the words were able to escape past the swelling of hurt in his throat, but he spoke them against Tony’s temple.

Tony squeezed his arms again, almost, but not quite hurting his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“What in the Nine for?” Loki frowned.

“I…” Tony trailed off, uncharacteristically coy, and Loki squeezed him back. He almost knew. He could almost tell what Tony wanted to say, but he didn’t want to leave something so huge and painful in question.

“Tell me, love.”

“Loki, I’m a mayfly. I’m…I’ll be gone before Vali loses her first baby tooth, and a lot of that time I’ll be an old man. Promise…promise me you’ll take them before I start needing diapers and losing _my_ teeth?”

“No,” said Loki, pulling back and holding Tony’s face in both hands. “I promise no such thing. Do not even _think_ of shortening our time with you, Stark. Do you think I am just with you for your looks and your youth? I hate to damage your ego but you are already proportionally older than I.” Tony rolled his eyes and Loki smirked at him, then shook him gently. “If all I have with you is a few short decades, I would not forsake any of it for any reason. I will take pride in caring for you when your body can no longer do the job, in carrying you when you fall, finding spells to amplify your hearing and sight, kissing every wrinkle as it appears and watching silver hair run through my fingers instead of black. I will hold you until your very last breath, and be honoured to witness your death because I will know that I did not waste the opportunity to know you.”

Tony made a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, and buried his face back in Loki’s neck, holding him tight again. “Holy shit, babe.” He laughed properly. “How can I say no to that?”

Loki smiled. It hurt. “I am immortal in a universe of mortals. Even the others of the Nine Realms will die eventually, and yet I will remain, watching all I love go where I cannot follow. I will not turn away from your death. I cannot. I know my…my children will meet that end one day as well.” His voice trembled and shrank to a whisper. His words may have been brave, but every inch of his soul howled and beat against the walls of his decisions. How many loved ones would he have to watch passing before he became another Thanos, insane with grief, desperate to destroy the universe in the hopes it would destroy himself. He held Tony close. “Give me those decades, Tony, I beg you.”

“Shit, Lokes, I…I’ll try.” He pulled back again to press his nose against Loki’s with a wobbly grin. “I got rid of the alcohol today. JARVIS’ got me on all sorts of medical diagnostic things. And the suit’s shielding’s being upgraded. I—“ He huffed. “Pepper was always on at me to do these things. I feel kinda guilty that I didn’t do them for her. Didn’t do them for me. But you, and the kids…I want as much of that as I can grasp.” He moved back just slightly, so they could hold eye contact, slightly cross-eyed. “I love you Lokes.”

“I love you too.” 

Loki pulled him close and kissed him, firm and strong, trying to chase the fear away. Their bodies were still pressed close, but as lips and tongues moved together there was not enough skin. Loki used a silent spell to shift their pyjamas to the other side of the room where they fell, still tangled together as they had been on their bodies. The heat of Tony’s skin against his was intoxicating, and he pressed closer, kissing, tasting down his jaw, onto his neck. Tony tilted his head back, sighed and groaned as Loki nibbled and sucked the skin there. His hands burrowed in Loki’s hair, scraping on his scalp before running down the length of his back, leaving trails of fire where his nails passed. Neither one of them was willing to pull apart to move forwards, and their cocks were trapped together, tight between their bodies, hot and hard against each other and the skin of their stomachs. One of Tony’s legs curled up around Loki’s waist, the other slipped between his own, moving against his balls and making him shudder in pleasure. Loki kissed him again, sliding his hand in the tight space between them until he could stroke both of them, just with his fingertips. Tony twitched and moaned, and dug his fingernails into Loki’s back, making him smile into their never ending kiss.

The junction of Tony’s hip and thigh was soft and smooth, and Loki stroked him there and up his waist with his thumb, gripping onto him as he rolled his hips, rubbing their cocks together. Every movement sent static shocks up his back, and he found himself arching into the motion, pressing ever harder into Tony’s body. He wondered how long it would take them to come like this, the friction growing slicker all the time with pre-come, this slow growing buzz taking over every nerve ending until it burned with wanting more. But Tony, whispering praise and begging and babbling pushed his hand between them where Loki’s had been for a short while. When he wrapped his calloused fingers around both of them Loki curled into it, gasping and swearing and kissing Tony as he bucked his hips up against Tony’s smooth cock and rough hands, incoherent with the stimulation. 

As the friction grew too much, Tony started to pull away to reach for the lube. Loki gripped him tight, not willing to lose that contact between them, no matter how soon it would have been regained. With a green glow he gathered water from the air around them, changed its chemical structure so it held together as a gel, and linked his slick hand with Tony’s around both of them. “Holy shit, Loki, you are so fucking amazing,” Tony gasped, pushing Loki almost onto his back and rubbing into the circle their clasped hands made. Loki tipped his head back, his eyes falling shut as the buzzing grew, electric charge gathering through every muscle. He gripped Tony around the back with one arm, and undulated beneath him, kissing him hard and wet and filthy, twisting his wrist around the two of them and drawing every beautiful sound from Tony until stars burst behind his eyes, his back arching. He swiped over the head of Tony’s cock, twisting once, twice, and holding him as he shuddered through his own orgasm, held tight and precious.


	8. ᚢ Uruz (Strength of Will)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because things have been good doesn't mean it's a happy ever after. Good days and bad days come and go, but this time Loki's got friends to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late guys, I got a massive migraine in the middle of my lesson, had to teach the last 20 minutes with little flashy static lights dancing across my eyes, then go lie down in a darkened room lol! But on the plus side this is a long one :)
> 
> Triggers for anxiety attacks, probable depression, and suicidal thoughts, but then again, so is the rest of the fic...

Words are not enough, Loki thought, as he tried to convince himself to join his family for breakfast again. It had been four months since Thor’s visit, and Loki’s conversation with Romanoff and his declaration to Tony spun in his mind, along with a sneering commentary. How naive he had been, how well he had tricked them all, including himself, into believing that the Liesmith could be sincere. How much he had thought of himself, that he could possibly be all he had promised, a good father, a loving partner, when in reality he was sitting in his pyjamas in a wardrobe because he could not bear to be around any other living being.

He could hear the children downstairs, their bird voices rising and falling as they talked of amazing things, things he would probably never hear again because they would have something else to talk about tomorrow. He was aware of this moment slipping away, a moment that could be one of those crystal memories that remains for lifetimes, but when he tried to convince himself to join them, to try and parent half as well as Tony, his heart beat harder and the tears came faster, and he curled himself tighter beneath the clothes.

Any time footsteps sounded on the floor, he held his breath on the verge of panic. The thought of someone finding him like this, hiding from the family he had fought so hard to get back, was unbearably humiliating. He had visions of taking one of the knives from his pocket dimension and severing his spinal cord, cutting his own head off somehow, just to avoid their concern, just to avoid having to interact with anyone. If he had to speak to another creature he would cut with his words and he would not forgive himself for hurting the people he loved more than anything. 

But how could he say he loved them? How could he claim to be any sort of a father when he shunned their company? He had hoped that the last brush with death would help him get closer to some sort of acceptance, or at least feel lucky enough to drag himself through an eight hour day - even six hours - without wanting to hide himself away and deny the world existed. Instead he had found himself getting bored and distant, his moods swinging with no warning from enthusiastic to sharp, and he caught himself snapping at the children if they were too loud, or shouting when they ignored him. To add insult to injury, it was always Odin’s words that came the easiest when he lost control. What kind of an idiot was he? He knew what words could hurt the most, and of all the people in the universe, he would want Narfi and Vali spared any hurt in existence. Yet of all people, they were the ones with whom he lost patience the most.

Tony had already started to look at him in concern. Once he had stepped in when Loki shouted at Narfi, and told him to calm down. At the time Loki had nearly exploded with rage. How dare he interfere and tell him what to do? How dare he undermine him? He had world walked, just to the roof of the mansion, and sat on the peak of the tiles, creating fireworks from his hands until the sun set and left him drained and weeping like the pathetic child he apparently was. His one source of pride was that he had dragged himself back into the house before bedtime to apologise to both Narfi and Tony. 

Narfi had called him the best Moðir in the word. “I love you even when you’re grumpy.”

Loki had smiled to hold back more guilty tears, both arms wrapped tightly around his little boy. He kissed him goodnight and closed the door before turning to Tony.

“Hey, babe.” Tony scruffed up the hair on the back of his head. “I hope I didn’t overstep, earlier—“

“Not at all.” Loki shook his head, but couldn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “I wanted to apologise for leaving like that. I need…I am glad to know that someone is willing to protect my children. Even from me.”

Tony snorted. “I don’t think they need protecting from you, Lokes, I know you wouldn’t hurt them. You were just getting worked up, that’s all. Are you OK? You seem, I dunno…”

Part of Loki wanted to fall to pieces at Tony’s knees, but he shook his head instead and wrapped his arms tight around him, squeezing his burning eyes shut as he leaned his head on Tony’s shoulder.

***

“Narfi, Vali, get your shoes on.”

“Awwwwhh!”

“Five more minutes!”

“You just had your five more minutes. Now it is time to go.”

“But I’m just in the middle of building a sandcastle, I’ll be finished soon ok?” Narfi kept his eyes on the pile of sand in front of him, even while Vali walked up to Loki, her shoulders slumped, because Ragnarok had clearly come to her little world.

“Cheer up Vali. We are only leaving to go to the Bartons’ house. You want to see your friends, do you not?”

“No.”

Loki rolled his eyes and turned away from her. “Narfi, now!”

Narfi left his sandcastle and stamped up to Loki barefoot, little fists bunched. “I have sand on my feet.”

“Never mind, you can wash them at the house. Put your shoes on.”

“But they’ll get sandy, I don't want to.”

“You cannot walk up the beach barefoot, the rocks are too sharp, you know that.”

“But if I clean my feet first--”

“Narfi,” he sighed, “just put your damn shoes on. It will be a short walk to the house, you can wash your feet there.”

“I don’t want to.” Narfi’s lower lip stuck out and he sat on the floor with his arms crossed and his shoes pushed to one side. 

Loki gritted his teeth. “I don’t care. Put your shoes on.”

Narfi continued to glower, and Loki could feel the frustration turning to anger. He bent down and gripped Narfi’s foot, pulling his leg straight and dusting it off sharply before shoving a shoe on. Narfi shouted and screamed and struggled, and Loki grabbed the other foot, holding it tightly under his arm to put the second shoe on. By the time he let his son go Narfi was sobbing, and Loki felt shame burn through where his fury had been, followed by a cold satisfaction that he had done what was expected of him. Loki is useless, Loki fails at everything, Loki cannot take care of his children properly and resorts to anger and force to get things done. As expected. He closed his eyes a moment and turned away, walking up the beach. He could hear Vali behind him, trying to encourage Narfi. Even his young daughter was better at this than him.

By the time they were back at the house Narfi’s sobs had turned to gulps, which turned to hyperventilation. He frowned and knelt in front of him. “Calm down, Narfi, we can wash your feet now.”

Narfi gasped for air, high pitched in breaths and humming out breaths, as tears flooded down his cheeks, and Loki recognised the panic attacks he’d had as a young man, hiding in fear and gasping for breath, whenever he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he was going to fail and make a fool of himself again. The insidious voice that took so much pleasure in his uselessness was quick to point out that Narfi shouldn’t be having panic attacks so young. It was almost certainly Loki’s fault that his son was so troubled. Loki forced the words away and focused on his little boy. 

“Listen, Narfi, you’re getting worked up. I want you to name, in your head, three things you can see around you right now. You do not have to speak, just look around and name three things.” He watched Narfi’s tear-filled eyes flicker around, his little chest moving quickly under hunched shoulders. “OK? Finished?” The boy nodded. “Now name, in your head, three things you can hear. When you’ve finished look at me again.” The big eyes flickered, then returned. “Now three things you can feel, or touch. Good, you’re doing very well. Now we’re going to do two things you can see. OK? Now two things you can hear.”

Loki continued counting down to one object of each. Narfi was still breathing fast, so he started the sequence again, and again. Eventually Narfi was relaxed enough to be breathing normally. “Do you feel better?” He nodded. “Would you like a cuddle?”

While Narfi buried his face in his shoulder and sniffled, Loki wrapped his arms tight around him, feeling the ribs rise and fall under his fingers. He was so tiny, so fragile. Why had Loki ever thought he could possibly care for two such precious, delicate creatures? Even when he had been with Sigyn, before torture and immortality, genocide and war, he had been a troubled person, so sure of his own unimportance that he had made himself into someone completely different just to earn Sigyn’s love. He had been arrogant to believe that someone so mentally unhealthy could ever raise healthy children, even if he and Sigyn had stayed together.

It was three exhausted people who stepped along the world tree and into the Bartons' living room. The children perked up quickly when Lila squealed and ran for a hug, and Cooper followed them at a more sedate pace, and Linda raised an eyebrow at him. “You look, uh, flustered,” she smirked. “Kids been running you ragged today?”

He snorted. “Can I help you with dinner?”

“Nah, it’s all in the oven, not much to do except turn the potatoes every fifteen minutes. Clint’s in the workshop with Jor if you want to join them?”

“Thank you,” he said, bowing his head slightly, and walked across the lawn in the cool evening air. 

Clint was standing at the lathe while Jor turned dials under his supervision. Loki found a clear space on the workbench and leaned against it, crossing his arms and relaxing into the white noise of the machinery.

“What are you making?” he asked, when Clint cut the power.

“Arrowheads. Jor wants to see which wood is best for the tips.”

“Do you not usually use metal?”

“Oh, yeah, but this shit is cool. Jor’s been telling me about different woods and their magical properties, like rowan for protection and stuff. So we’ve been experimenting. He puts spells on the arrowheads as we craft them, then we see what effect it has.” He grinned manically. “There was some in-freaking-sane stuff with this ash arrow we made. Jor shot a tree with it and it went on this five hour cycle of ageing and de-aging, like those creepy clocks in Harry Potter, you know? It grew massive, rotted and died, then grew up from a seed again. The whole life cycle must’ve taken about fifteen minutes, it was hypnotic!”

Loki laughed and raised his eyebrows at Jor. “That is strong magic, Jormungandr. What are you working on now?”

“Mistletoe,” said Jor. “I can’t quite figure out what to do with it, though. It’s poisonous, but associated with forgiveness and reconciliation, so I’m going to have to think about it. Is it not pretty, though?”

Loki took the pointed cylinder of wood, dark grains streaking along the paler wood, and turned it to see the knots and imperfections that twisted the image.

“We’ve just been polishing it,” Jor continued. “The wooden arrows can’t go quite as fast or pierce as many materials, but they take magic better.”

Loki probed it with his magic, letting green tendrils sink into the wood. “Binding,” he said. “That’s what this one wants. Binding magic.”

“Binding?”

He nodded. “You are making a weapon from a material that is normally associated with reconciliation, love and protection. Hence binding.”

“That’s a really good point,” Jor said, a frown burrowing across his brow. “I must go and find some books,” he muttered, taking the arrowhead and wandering out of the workshop without a backwards glance.

“That kid,” said Clint with a grin, “is one intense little bastard.”

“I was just thinking he reminds me of myself at that age.”

“Yeah, I can completely imagine that.” He swept a pile of fine sawdust onto the ground and started cleaning the old lathe. “You OK, Lokes?”

“Fine, thank you. Yourself?”

“No,” he said. “I meant really, Loki. Are you OK?”

“Of course.”

Clint looked at him for a moment, then rolled his eyes. “OK, c’mon.” He pulled a couple of beers out of a small fridge in the corner of the room, beckoned to Loki and led him outside to a ladder leaning against the corrugated metal roof. “You coming or what?”

“Why are we climbing onto the roof, Barton?”

“Because high places are awesome,” he shrugged. “Also because the sun’s about to set over the lake, it’ll be pretty.”

Loki shook his head and followed, crawling along the slope and swinging his legs over the peak to sit next to Clint.

The wind was still warm from the heat of the summer’s day, running its fingers through Loki’s hair as he drank from the brown glass bottle. They sat side by side in silence for a few moments as the sun set the fields and water alight with its warm golden glow. 

Clint took a long drink and looked at Loki out of the corner of his eyes. “You know, we never did finish that conversation.”

“What conversation?”

“The one about you needing to take a break. To be fair, you probably forgot about it because of this massive great hammer sticking out of your chest, like, ten minutes after.”

Loki sighed and fiddled with the label on the bottle for a long time. He tried to summon up the energy to deflect or even outright lie.

“How...how do I know what is really best for them?” he asked eventually, stretching his legs out on the warm metal. “They cannot be better off with me than with Angrboda. Am I...am I being more selfish keeping them with me?”

Clint didn’t reply for a while, and Loki wondered if he’d finally pushed him away, got too much for him. He was always too much, and not enough. Then Clint waved his beer bottle in Loki’s direction. “OK, let’s say for one minute that Angrboda’s a better parent than you - which she isn’t, but let’s pretend.” He nudged Loki’s shoulder with his own until he looked up to meet his serious blue eyes, his wicked grin nowhere to be seen. “Do you think they would know or care? If you left, or...or worse, if you found some way to die, do you think they would understand?”

“I would ensure they knew it was for the best - leave a message--”

But Clint was shaking his head. “Kids blame themselves, Loki. For the stupidest things. And for something like their mom leaving or dying? Shit, Tony still blames himself for his parents’ deaths, and that was a car crash when he was sixteen.”

Loki stared. “But...but that was not his doing, he could not have done a thing--”

“I know. I didn’t say it makes sense, it’s just something people do. You do it. A lot.” Loki opened his mouth to protest, but Clint just rolled his eyes and carried on. “If you disappear, they’ll just think they weren’t good enough to keep you here. Keep you happy. Especially Narfi, you know how that kid worries.” Clint shook his head. “Clearly takes after his mom.”

Loki stared at his hands. So it was too late. Perhaps it had been too late the moment they were born. He squeezed his eyes shut. How could he be so selfish? He was no better than Odin, toying with children’s lives and their very existence.

Clint rubbed his back. “Hey, you OK? I know it’s…” he sighed and marshalled his thoughts. “I’m sorry. It’s just another thing trapping you, isn’t it? Another choice taken away.”

Loki shrugged and stared out over the lake, watching wind shadows move over the surface. “Perhaps…” he said slowly, “perhaps that is not a bad thing. Perhaps knowing that to leave them would be to them an unutterable cruelty no matter how much better off they might be to my point of view…it makes it easier to hold on.” He glanced at Clint, seeing a soft smile curve his friend’s lip. “I have only ever wanted to do what is right for them.”

“Well, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that they’d feel worse off without you, no matter what anyone else believes. They don’t need a perfect parent. They need the one they love, and that’s you. They’ve been waiting for you for a hundred years.”

“I do not think I can ever live up to that,” he breathed.

Clint scoffed. “You already have, by coming back for them. Look. Love them, don’t hurt them, and listen to them. Everything else is just the details.”

“I do not want them to think of me as I do my fath...my adopted father. Or my real one, for that matter.”

“Well, both of them hurt you and they didn’t listen, did they? And, look, maybe you’ll fuck something up. In fact, I’m pretty sure most parenting is just damage limitation from previous mistakes. But if you _do_ , and Narfi, or Vali, come to you one day and say they hated what you did in this situation or that...well, then listen, say sorry, and show you love them.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Hardest fucking thing you’ll ever do, man,” he grinned. “But you’re allowed to be yourself, allowed time to do your own thing, and you’re allowed to fuck up, as long as you apologise after.”

“A parent, apologising,” he said wryly.

“I know,” Clint snorted. “Shocker. C’mon.” He tipped the last of his beer back and swung himself around and down the slope of the roof to the ladder. “Dinner’ll be ready soon, better get back to help the kids wash hands and stuff.”

“Clint?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Clint winked and started down the ladder. Loki watched the sun, bisected by the horizon, and took one breath after the other.

***

“Hey, is that Loki?”

Loki held the phone close to his ear. “Yes?”

“Oh, hey, it’s Laura. Clint’s off on some freelance thing, he texted me your number, hope that’s all right.”

“Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about. I was just wondering if I could ask a huge favour…”

“Of course.”

“You don't even know what it is yet,” she laughed.

“It hardly matters. You have been so kind to me and the children.”

“Aww, bless your heart. They’re a pleasure, and so are you. I was wondering if you could have my three for a few hours today? It’s just…” she sighed. “I’m shattered. I’m really at the end of my rope, I just need to go into town and have a coffee and not have to hear ‘Mommy, Mommy’ every five minutes, you know?”

“Of course,” he said, eyes wide. “Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Oh God yeah. Everyone needs a break though, you know? Especially moms, am I right?” She giggled, and Loki laughed along with her, still a little blindsided. 

He left Vali and Narfi with Tony and teleported into the Barton’s house, tucked Nathaniel into the crook of his arm and took Lila’s hand. Cooper held the nappy bag, and Laura kissed the children in turn. “Thank you for this, Loki. I really needed to re-charge.”

“Any time.” He bowed his head slightly, and drew the children through Yggdrasil and into the mansion.

“Woah,” Cooper gasped. “How do you do that?”

“Lilaaaaaa!” shrieked Narfi and Vali, running and squeezing their friend.

Loki jogged Nathaniel on his hip and turned to Cooper. “The Nine Realms are connected by the world tree, Yggdrasil,” he explained, and formed a glowing map of the Nine and their place on the great ash. Cooper’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. Loki spread his fingers and the image grew until it showed the tiny branches winding within the globe of the Earth. “To world walk, I send my magic into the tree and cause the branches to move. When I want to go to your house I call for this branch, and when it springs back to the correct place, it takes me along with it.”

“That is so cool,” the boy breathed, green seidr lights reflecting in his eyes. “Do you think a human like me could ever do that?”

“I do not know,” he hedged. “I have never known a mortal to use magic, and I have never known anyone else of any race who can world-walk. However,” he said, as the boy's face dropped, “perhaps no-one has ever been taught.”

“Oh no you don't,” said Tony, coming up behind them and nudging Loki. “If you’re going to be teaching, I want to be there.” He grinned at Cooper. “Mind if I tag along?”

“No, sir,” Cooper smiled shyly. He was still slightly star struck around Tony.

An hour later, Cooper had wandered off to climb regular trees with Jormungandr. Apparently it was still ‘cool’ for a newly minted teenager to climb trees when accompanied by a six foot snake who also happened to be the human equivalent of sixteen. Lila, Narfi and Vali were decorating a large cardboard box, and Nathaniel was asleep. Loki’s hands felt strangely empty.

“Coffee?”

Tony held out a mug and Loki turned with a smile. “Thank you.”

“They’re weirdly easier to deal with when they’ve got friends around, aren’t they?”

Loki looked at him in surprise. “You find them difficult to deal with too?”

“Oh God, yeah. Jesus, they’re three and six in human years, they just _are_ difficult to deal with. Awesome, but full on.”

“I did not realise...I thought…”

“What, you thought it was just you?”

“I...no, I suppose not. Clint has mentioned he finds his own children difficult...but I thought he was just being kind.”

“I don’t think anyone finds kids easy.”

“Really? It’s just...some people make it seem so easy.”

Tony shrugged. “I only know what I’ve seen on TV shows, really. And...uh…” he scuffed the floor with his trainers. “And from the parenting forums.”

“What are they?”

Tony was properly blushing now, the pink rising up from his collar. “I signed up to a bunch of parenting forums when you brought the kids home, OK? You know, online groups where people talk about the trials and tribulations of having kids? I’m on groups for three year olds, and six year olds, and groups for homeschool families, and same-sex parents…” He looked at Loki from the corner of his eye. “Is that OK? It’s not too...I know I’m not actually their dad, have I--”

Loki kissed him. “I love you.”

The blush had spread up to his cheekbones and he drank his coffee in a failed attempt to hide his smile. “Take it that’s OK then?”

“I am honoured that you want to take such an active role in their upbringing.” He slipped his arms around Tony’s waist and rested his nose against his temple. There was a part of him that wanted to cry that Tony would become the world expert on raising human three and six year olds, and no other age. Narfi and Vali deserved to have Tony around for the rest of their lives, and it was painfully unfair that it was not to be.

“You should read some of the threads, you know?” Tony said gently, rubbing Loki’s forearm. “There’s loads of stuff, some of it’s hilarious, like all the ridiculous things kids have said. But other stuff is just people ranting, and it’s great to feel like you’re not alone, you know? You’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just how it is.” He raised his hand to Loki’s face and caressed his cheek. “I know you worry about that.”

Loki was silent for a long time, just breathing in Tony’s space. “I do worry...I know I am not the best at this--”

“You know you’re awesome, though, don’t you?”

Loki laughed softly.

“You are, Lokes. You’re the best parent they could ever have, and they love you. You don’t have to be perfect, but you are the best for them.”

“I wish I could believe that.”

“I wish you could, too.” Tony turned his face to kiss him softly. “I’m just gonna have to keep telling you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, small children can get panic/anxiety attacks, my 6yo does - the scene in question was heavily based on her most recent attack, and yes, I do feel horribly guilty for forcing her shoes on during a temper tantrum.
> 
> Also, I don't know if it's clear about the last section...the Bartons have realised that Loki's not going to _ask_ for help, so they're trying to model good behaviour by asking him for help first! I wanted to show a scene where Loki learns to ask for help but in actual fact, he'll take a few repeats to get the point.


	9. ᛁ Isaz (Catastrophe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK! *Rubs hands together gleefully* Let's get this party started, shall we?
> 
> The second half of this chapter, and the whole of the coming chapter, is entirely due to Sancta breaking my writers' block!

The call came at five o’clock in the morning. Loki could hear the Director’s voice through the speaker as Tony spoke softly in the pre-dawn quiet.

“...looks like it’s been through a run in with the motherfucking Death Star. Figure you’d have the resources.”

“Shit, yeah, Fury, you know I’d fucking kill you guys if you kept me away from that thing.”

“Bring that boyfriend of yours too. Looks like we’ll be needing his special brand of psychopath.”

“He’s not a--” Tony glared at the blank screen of his mobile. “Asshole.” He got out and started pulling clothes on at random from the wardrobe and drawers. “Lokes, did you get any of that?”

Loki sat up and nodded. “I am to be trusted with something?”

“Not just something, babe. This is the fucking big time.” He knelt on the bed and took Loki’s hand. “Gamora’s back. She and her crew crashed their spaceship just across the border in Ontario this time. Fury’s gathered them all up into a helicarrier.” He rubbed Loki’s cheek, his brown eyes worried and so painfully loving. “You gonna be OK seeing her again?”

Loki took a deep breath. “I don’t know. But I would not miss it for the world. She was the only spark of light, the only hope in the darkness for all those years.”

They dressed quickly, and Tony handed his suit and tools to Loki to store in a pocket dimension before world walking onto the flight deck of the helicarrier and knocking on the door.

“Hello, can Nicky come out to play?” yelled Tony. Loki’s lips twitched.

A squad of soldiers opened the airlock, guns not pointing at them, but only just. “Director Fury said you were to meet him at the rendezvous point.”

“Meh, thought we’d save some time,” Tony shrugged and led Loki in, ignoring the weaponry twitching in their direction. “Take me to your leader.”

The director was waiting for them in a conference room with wide, arching windows over the clouds below, and Loki wondered idly whether he had looked undignified running from wherever he had been when their arrival was announced. The sacrifices one made to appear to have the upper hand. 

“So. You can teleport onto objects above the ground. I’ll bet you could have teleported out of that Hulk tank as well, huh?”

“It would not have irritated you quite as much, Director.”

Fury laughed, a sharp bark. “No, you’re right. That was...irksome.”

“I was going for aggravating.”

“So,” Fury continued. “What do I get to call you now that you’re not an Odinson any more? No-onesson?” He cocked his head. “Not sure that’s going to catch on quite as well as Erickson and Anderson, but it suits you down to the ground.”

Loki could feel Tony tensing up beside him, and kept his face relaxed. “Just Loki is sufficient,” he said. “Now, I believe you called us here for a reason beyond discussing societal conventions?”

The Director smirked and led them through the corridors of the helicarrier. Loki kept his mind firmly on the task and the route ahead, and not on the memories of fear and plotting and collateral damage. But when Tony’s fingers brushed the back of his hand, he was happy to link them and squeeze.

The guards at a heavy steel airlock stepped back from Fury with a salute, and he brushed past without acknowledgement, marching into a hangar with Loki and Tony on his heels. 

“Holy shit,” breathed Tony. “It’s all my childhood wet dreams come true.”

He walked up to the battered starship, and reached up to stroke the wing with reverence. “She’s like a fucking transformer-like Bumblebee.”

“And everyone knows Bumblebee’s the coolest,” said a cocky voice, and both Tony and Loki spun to face the gangplank.

The group that walked towards them were the most rag-tag bunch of beings Loki had ever seen, and he had watched the Avengers assemble. There was a blonde human man leading the march, followed by a colossus, a raccoon carrying a pot plant...and her.

“Gamora.”

The assassin turned to face him, and her dark eyes widened fractionally, one slim, metallic eyebrow raising. “Loki?” He bowed his head awkwardly, wanting to pretend that her face brought him nothing but joy, as it should, because she had given him hope where there was none, but faced with her green skin and sharp, cold eyes, he found himself faced with flashes of pain, flinches of memory.

“You know this guy, Gamora?”

“Yeah. I’ve tortured him some.”

Tony knew this, he was sure he had told him, but his gazed snapped to her and he stepped closer to Loki, placing himself between them, the fool. As if he could ever slow her down.

As if he would _need_ to, Loki corrected himself as he gently moved him to the side. “It is somewhat more complex than that,” he assured the shocked looking blonde human. “It is good to see you, Gamora.”

“It is?” she asked. She sounded sarcastic, but he could see the undercurrent of genuine uncertainty beneath her words.

“I hoped I would get the opportunity to thank you for the information you passed to me through Barton.”

“You found them then?” He nodded and she relaxed fractionally, the only signal of relief she’d allow such unknowns to see. “Good. If _he_ got hold of them like he did Nebula and I…”

“He will not.”

“They’re safe?”

“As anyone can be.”

“They better stay that way. Thanos seemed to think they’d grow up with power to rival an infinity stone, if they were used together. I think we can both agree he’s got enough of those.”

Loki clenched his jaw to stop himself imagining his children in Thanos’ hands, broken and rebuilt time and again, fused with tech like Nebula when injured, then injured again to see what they could stand.

Tony squeezed his hand tightly. “It’s fine, babe,” he said. “He’s centuries away. The kids will be long grown by the time he gets here, they’ll be able to look after themselves. And you’ll be by their side.”

“Uh, about that,” said the human.

“Yeah, we might have some bad news,” the raccoon nodded.

***

Thanos had the Time Gem.

Loki stood at a wide plate-glass window and flicked a knife up, down, across his fingers and along the back of his knuckles, keeping his body busy so it didn't collapse. Because the Mad Titan had the Time Gem and was using it to absorb the time dilation effects of travelling well beyond light speed, so even from an outsider’s point of view he was racing towards them, devouring light years in seconds, faster than standard hyperspace travel by a factor of hundreds. 

The crew of the Milano had run into a Chitauri scout ship near Trappist-1. With their hive mind, all scouts could receive information regardless of distance from the mothership (Tony muttered something about quantum entanglement). One of the soldiers, Gamora’s knife buried in his ribs, could not resist taunting her with the information. Thanos would be within reach of the Nine Realms himself in just over nine months.

It had taken the Milano three months to get to Earth. Loki’s children were now six months away from danger.

The door behind him clicked and he spun, heart beating up into his throat. “Gamora,” he said, forcing any trace of fear away. “What news of your ship?”

“Peter and Rocket are showing Stark around the Milano. Stark’s offered the use of his workshop for repairs if the tools he brought aren’t enough. I left when he started trying to explain the Theory of Relativity to Drax using a metaphor involving cows and trains. He may be there some time, Drax is pathologically literal, and probably doesn’t know what a cow or a train is. I certainly don’t.”

Loki grinned. “That sounds quite enjoyable to watch.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” she shrugged. “Peter’s loving it. He was trying to convince Stark to ‘do quantum’ next.” She made air quotes and he almost did a double take.

“You have clearly learned a number of mannerisms from your human.”

She snorted. “He reminds me of yours.”

“I thought so too. How soon before we can retrieve the star maps?”

“Most of the damage was to the hardware of the console. Rocket’s talking about cobbling together a probe to access the data without using the usual interfaces.” She shrugged. “The Director says there’s a Dr Foster arriving soon to work out the conversions to Terran star charts.”

Loki winced. “That could be awkward.” He tucked the knife into a pocket, not trusting his hands to remain tremor free. In battle his heart beat strong and steady, his hands sure and his mind ice clear, able to take in all stimuli and react. But without an outlet, the adrenaline was building up steadily until it hummed under his skin, building up into a whirlwind in his brain.

“So,” she said. “How are we going to kill Thanos?”

He snorted. “Did you somehow miss the part where he is immortal?”

“Nothing’s unkillable.”

“Are you speaking from experience, or wishful thinking?”

“Bloody mindedness,” she smirked.

“Fair enough.”

“No new lore, no legends or secrets, then? Not even on Asgard?”

He shook his head. “Mother was able to bring me books during my time in the dungeon, but not many at a time.” He sighed, remembering the fist clenching frustration of being so close to all that information and having to be drip fed, asking for tales of the Titans interspersed with a variety of other topics and never telling her why. He told himself it was to save her pain, to save him from seeing her pity, but in reality he was sure she would turn from him, call him Liesmith like everyone else.

“We’ve been looking for undefeatable weapons, Rocket’s been experimenting with combining one or two of them. And if worst comes to the worst, Peter says there’s always a wooden stake through the heart.” She looked at him. “I’d never heard of immortals known as Vampires, he assures me they were once great and terrible monsters here.”

Loki burst out laughing and leaned on the window, unable to stay upright. Every time he thought his hilarity was subsiding he looked at Gamora’s puzzled, amused face and it set him off again.

“He’s been making fun of me again, hasn’t he?” she smirked when he finally got himself under control, wiping tears from under his eyes.

“I’m afraid so. I apologise, it was not that funny.”

“No problem. First time I’ve ever heard you laugh, anyway. Not that that’s surprising considering our shared past.”

Loki took a deep breath. “I never thought I would get a chance to thank you.”

She stared at him. “Thank me for what? I expected you to hate me, or if the information about your kids was enough to forgive, then stay far away from me at the very least.”

“How could I hate you? You gave me hope, Gamora. Fed me information, let me know I was not alone.”

“Sure, while I was digging my knife into your ribs!”

He shrugged. “In somewhere as dark as that, even the smallest light can be a beacon.”

Her face softened slightly around the edges and she smiled at him. “Come on,” she said at last. “Let’s go rescue Drax from any more science lessons.”

***

They didn’t get back to the house until late afternoon, and Loki knew that both of them would have stayed for days on end had the children not been waiting for them. Sam Wilson had come over to help Jor take care of them all day and Loki hid his smile, ineffectively, when he saw the pools of glitter scattered over the table.

“We’re making wings!” Vali said, expressive little hands waving emphasis. Wilson spread his hands and gave a slow turn, shedding a rain of blue and red and gold from the cardboard angel wings they’d strapped to his back.

Tony didn’t bother holding back his laughter. “Those are _awesome_. You know you’re getting that as your new paint job on the next set, right?”

“You think you can embarrass me? I’ve got three kid sisters, man. Bring on the glitter, I’ll model that thing and auction it off for a kids charity after one battle.” He grinned and struck a pose while Narfi and Vali went back to sprinkling glitter on their own wings. 

“You should take that cardboard set back today and wear them for the Pride parade,” Jor grinned. “Unless you think it will send the traditional sensibilities of Captain America into cardiac arrest.”

Wilson rolled his eyes. “Please, kid, Cap’s bisexual. Traditional sensibilities my ass, him and the Winter Soldier probably woulda had some sort of kinky threesome with Peggy Carter if they’d all got through the war together.”

“How do you even know about Pride and the homophobic attitudes of the forties?” Tony spluttered at Jor. “You still talk like you’re auditioning for Romeo!”

Jor grinned, showing his pointed teeth. “I have been reliably informed that I am a teenager, and teenagers spend all of their time on the internet,” he said. “And I am insulted that you think I would audition for Romeo. Mercutio is much more my style. He has all the best sex jokes.”

“Oh, dear God, I do not want to know what else you’ve been learning,” Tony wailed. “JARVIS, tell me you’re monitoring his internet usage.”

“Of course, Sir,” JARVIS said, affronted. 

Loki laughed through their bickering, immersed himself in the day, and made sure to focus completely on the semi-predictable routines of cooking, eating and bedtime. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want this precious heaven ripped away so quickly, before he had even learned to appreciate it fully, like it deserved. He couldn’t help but feel that his inability to love his children enough had tempted fate, which never needed much of an excuse to torment him anyway. Perhaps if he had found a way to enjoy his children the way he should have, the universe would have found him worthy to keep them longer. He pressed his head back against the sofa and close his eyes.

“Lokes?”

He blinked up at Tony, sitting on the edge of the sofa, looking down at his hands. “Is everything all right, Tony?”

“Look, Lokes, I know this is a bad time, but…”

Loki sat up as well, his heart pounding. Had Tony realised he wasn’t good enough? He had finally seen how broken and incapable he was, finally come to his senses. Loki tried to calm his racing heart. Suddenly Thanos didn’t seem like the most immediate catastrophe.

Tony rubbed his beard and continued, like he was forcing the words out. “I know it’s no time at all for you, but I was wondering if...if you’d maybe want to have a surname again?”

“What?”

“It was Fury, he pissed me off, Loki, the way he spoke to you.” Tony was speaking faster, more confident now he was able to be angry. “He was fucking trying to find weak spots and poke you with them, and that had nothing to do with anything. Look, nobody who matters cares what your name is, babe, you can call yourself the Great Mysterioso if you felt like it, but...I...I wondered, if you _wanted_ to have a family name, you could, like, take mine. Or whatever.”

“Tony…”

“Ah, God, forget it, it was so stupid, I’m sorry. You just got rid of two names with fucking awful connotations, you don’t want to join another dysfunctional family just to get stupid people off your back.” 

He waved his hands in the air, scrunching his nose up like he’d just realised how ridiculous his spur of the moment, just a thought idea had been. Loki felt his heart fill up, and warmth spread through his chest, his arms, up his spine, and grabbed Tony’s hands. “Are you asking me to marry you, Tony?” he asked, his head on one side, a stupid smile stretching his face.

“Yeah,” he breathed. He met Loki’s eye for the first time all conversation, then slid off the sofa to kneel in front of him. “Will you marry me, Loki? I know I’m just...short term, for you, but for me, you’re my whole life, and I want you, all of you, to be my family. You’re already a hundred times better than the family I was born with. You can...you can lose the name after, if you like, or, you know, you can keep it as long as you want to. And I’m not asking so you can satisfy some stupid human convention, or so assholes like Fury will stop taunting you about it, I want you...I want to hold your hand up and yell, see this? This ring here says he’s mine, and I’m his. That name he’s signing at the end of that contract? That’s our name. And when I’m gone and you take off for other worlds, you’ll be taking my name, a little piece of me, with you, at least for a little while, maybe. If you want it.”

Loki cupped Tony’s cheeks and pulled him forward, kissing him with reverence. “You are the kindest, most perfect man I have ever met.”

“Is that a yes?”

“If you would have me as your husband, I would take your name and write it into Yggdrasil where I removed my own, make it mine for all my long years,” he whispered against the skin of Tony’s cheek. “When centuries have passed, I will walk on with your name in my heart reminding me I was once worthy of you and of your love, even at my lowest, when all I knew had turned from me, and I will know I may be worthy still.” He pulled Tony up until he was straddling his thighs and kissed him, pressed back against the sofa with his lover’s weight stopping him from floating away.

“I need to get you a ring,” panted Tony, when they stopped to breathe. His head was still pressed against Loki’s, his hands still tangled in his hair. “And then we’re going to Vegas tomorrow, because fuck waiting. If we’ve got six months to invent some sort of anti-doomsday device, save the universe and hide a couple of superpowered children of an immortal alien from another immortal alien, I’m doing it with my husband by my side. Fuck the planning and the engagement.”

Oh yes, Thanos, thought Loki. Tony had done a very effective job of distracting him from that. He had almost forgotten, he would either be carrying the name Stark for an eternity, or half a year. “I agree,” he said, and pulled one of his favourite throwing knives from his pocket dimension. He sank a powerful thread of magic into its particles, drawing out the vibranium runes and artwork that decorated the hilt, leaving the ironwood bare, only the indentations to show where it had once been. The silver metal swirled and ran together, spinning into a flawless band that dropped onto Tony’s open hand.

“Holy shit,” Tony breathed. “That’s awesome. Hey, wait.” He scrambled off Loki’s lap and ran to the workshop. When he returned he was holding an Iron Man helmet. “Can you do the same with something from this for your ring? I’d like to make it myself in the workshop, but...well, any time I spend in there I should probably be making some sort of device to counteract the effects of the Time Gem, so…”

Loki smiled and held out his hand to the helmet, drawing off some of the gold-titanium alloy and spinning it into a second ring, exactly like the first aside from the colour. Tony took it from the air and slid it onto Loki’s finger before kissing his knuckles. 

“My turn,” Loki said softly, and took the vibranium ring from him to slide it onto his hand. When they linked fingers, the metal ticked together, heavy and new and drawing all their attention. Loki leaned forwards and kissed Tony again, holding him close.


	10. ᛇ Ihwaz (Stability)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki get married.
> 
> Twice.
> 
> Blame Sancta ^_^

Loki and Tony stayed on the sofa, talking until the dawn crept over the horizon before falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was Jor who poked them awake the following morning. “Why did you not sleep in your bed?” he asked, his head tilted to one side with a cheeky grin. “The kids were very disappointed they could not wake you up by jumping on you, but they were quickly distracted with some pieces of wood on the landing.

“Pieces of wood?” Tony asked blearily, sitting up and stretching.

“The ones left over from the bookshelves you made last week. They are building a playground for Heeyum the rhino and Blib-Blib the penguin.”

“I’m never going to get tired of Vali’s ability to name things,” Tony said, shaking his head. Loki grinned. Vali had her own little language. For some time she had refused to call the corner of her duvet, which she liked to hold when she fell asleep, anything but a beeyuwah. Nobody knew why. She didn’t rename everything she came across, but when a random object received the dubious honour, the entire family usually gave in and copied the name.

Loki ran his fingers through his hair, and caught a couple of strands in the ring he’d almost forgotten about. Now he had remembered it, he could not stop touching it, could not get his awareness away from it, and he could feel his lip curling in a smile as he turned it around his finger.

“Are we gonna tell them now?” Tony asked, his voice low, maybe a little anxious, like Loki would reconsider his answer in the bright light of day.

“Lets,” he replied, leaning over to kiss Tony, just a peck on the lips.

“Tell us what?” Jor asked.

Tony held up his left hand. “We’re getting married today, kiddo. Get your best suit packed, we’re off to Vegas.”

Jor’s face split into a sharp-toothed grin. “It’s about time,” he smirked. “You’re not getting any younger, human.”

“Jesus, Jormungandr, way to make a guy feel good.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“But why are we going to Vegas?”

“Instant wedding,” he said. “You don’t have to wait ages like you do in other states.”

“Why do we not just visit my mother? She is a high priestess, she can perform a handfasting upon request. And you know she would be delighted to do so.”

“I had not even considered that,” said Loki. “Would you be satisfied with a wedding on another realm?” he asked Tony.

Tony shrugged. “We were just thinking Vegas because it’s instant and legal. Getting Angrboda to do it...well, now it sounds like a proper thing, you know?” He frowned for a moment. “We’re going to have to get Clint. Probably still have to do Vegas though. Earth probably doesn't recognise Jotunheimian marriage certificates.”

"It's Jotnar," Loki grinned. “Who else are we going to invite? And should we give Angrboda some warning or simply descend upon her with a house full of people?”

Jor held up one hand. “Clint only,” he said. “He already knows the location of our home, but anyone else will not be able to enter, not without finding their own way through the Ironwoods and past our defences.”

“Oh yeah,” Tony said, eyebrows shooting up. “I remember your defence system, Mr Giant Fuck-Off Snake.”

Jor tsked. “Such language in front of young people. Are you sure you wish to tie yourself to such a foul mouth, Soul-Uncle?”

Loki hummed, “I think I shall manage,” and leaned forward to kiss Tony, making sure to make the kiss as filthy as possible. 

Jor just laughed at their efforts to embarrass him and wandered off. “If you two are busy sucking each other’s faces off, I shall have to tell the small people myself.”

“Do not dare!”

The Jotun started running up the stairs, and both Tony and Loki chased after him. Loki managed to catch the boy around the ribs and covered his mouth just as they got to the top. Narfi and Vali looked at them quizzically. 

“Are you playing tag?”

“No,” said Tony. “But how do you guys fancy getting Uncle Clint and going to visit Angrboda?”

Both children cheered and bounced up and down.

“Would you like to know why?” Loki asked, and suddenly felt nervous, looking at his children’s big eyes and wide smiles. Would they accept this decision?

“We’re getting married,” Tony said, sitting down with his legs tucked under him. “Are you guys OK with that?”

“That. Is. _Amazing!_ ” yelled Narfi. Vali looked like she didn’t have a clue what anyone was talking about, but if her brother approved, it was probably something she could get on board with. “Can I be ring bearer and Vali be flower girl? Like in Tangled Ever After?”

“I want to be a ring bearer!”

“I asked first.”

“Awwwwhhhh! But I want to!”

“OK fine, you can carry one ring and I’ll carry one. I want to be Maximus though.”

“Yay! I’ll be Pascal.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tony complained.

“It’s that short film where Rapunzel gets married. The chamaeleon and the horse nearly lose the rings, so I would be careful what you agree to,” Jor told him.

“Nobody is losing these rings,” said Loki.

“I’m going to go and contact my mother.” Jor said, wandering off to his bedroom.

“We’d better call Clint, too,” said Tony. “And get these munchkins dressed.” He looked down at his rumpled clothes. “We’d probably better get changed, too.”

An hour later, Loki held his children’s hands in his and nodded at Tony on Narfi’s other side. Clint stood between Vali and Jor, and as soon as Loki could see they were all securely linked, he stepped through Yggdrasil and into Angrboda’s living room.

“Boda!” the children yelled, and threw themselves into her arms, skin turning blue instantly. Loki had almost completely lost the urge to flinch when he saw the colour take over their body. His children would be beautiful whatever colour they took.

“Hello, children,” she laughed. “Anyone would think I had not visited you last month!”

“We’re going to be ring bearers,” Vali told her, “but we’re not going to lose them like Pascal and Maximus.”

“I am glad to hear it,” Angrboda said. She stood and kissed her son, then embraced the three adults while Jor went to punch his brother and mess with his sister’s hair. “So. You want me to conduct your handfasting?”

Loki nodded. “We would be more than honoured,” he said, bowing his head slightly. “But there are certain things we should all discuss first, Clint as well, before beginning.”

She showed them into her low ceilinged study, where hanging herb bundles brushed Loki’s hair and a nostalgic smell of potions and magic gave him strength to tell them about Thanos and the Time gem. Clint let out his breath in a rush, and Angrboda stood rigid.

“He is hunting the children,” she growled. “He will not find them.”

“Angrboda, I realise this is a lot to ask, but--”

“They must come back here when the time comes,” she said, gentle but firm. “If you are to fight, as I can see you will, then they will need to be guarded, and modesty aside, I believe my power matches yours.”

Loki sighed in relief. “Thank you. I cannot think of anywhere they would be better protected. Aside from your power, Jotunheim is still in the roots of the world tree, while Midgard lies at the nexus with the other planes of existence. Thanos will have to get through us before he can reach you.”

“And our home is well hidden, well warded. Without your oaths to the triplets, you would not have ever found this place. Nor found your way out of Ironwood, for that matter.”

Clint shivered. “What are we going to do? This is an immortal we’re talking about, how do we even start to fight him?”

Loki took a deep breath and watched Tony for his reaction. “I am planning to go to Asgard to seek help.”

“What?!”

He held up his hand. “I know, Tony, I want nothing less. But we need allies of all sorts, and Asgard has the greatest weapons, and the library contains the most comprehensive accounts of battles in the Nine Realms. I will approach them as a representative of Midgard, not as their fallen prince. Fury has also agreed, if I take another with me.”

“Well, that’s me then,” said Clint, just as Tony opened his mouth.

“What are you talking about, that’s you? I’m going with my husband!”

“No, Tones, you’re staying in your lab to make an impossible device to absorb time or something, I don’t even know.”

Loki nodded, and tried not to wince at Tony’s betrayed look. “I also do not want you to get angry on my behalf,” he admitted.

“Because you know I damn well would.”

“Yes, and it may compromise negotiations,” he said, and Tony deflated.

“At least tell me there’s the intergalactic version of diplomatic immunity,” he sighed.

Loki nodded. “Inter-realm, but yes. To allow me to come to any harm would be tantamount to declaring war on Midgard, and while the Aesir care little about Midgard itself, they do not want to damage relations with the gateway to other dimensions. The Alfar, and the Eldjotnar of Muspelheim would be quick to take advantage, and try to wrest control of Midgard from Asgard. Thor and Odin would have no problem defeating Midgard in war, but not Surtur or Frey. And as much as Frey is supposedly a puppet king, I do not think he would take much convincing to cut his own strings.”

“I’m sorry, I glazed over there, did you just politic at me?” Tony snarked. Clint snorted into his hand and Angrboda rolled her eyes.

“As important as these decisions are, and as fascinating the current human tendency to turn innocent nouns into verbs, I think we should marry the two of you so that you may bicker as an officially married couple.”

Now that the moment had arrived, Loki felt strangely shy. Tony held out his hand and after casting the warming spell on the two humans, they followed the giantess outside in the Ironwood clearing, all five children close by and unusually quiet. As Angrboda walked, a tendril of magic swirled from her bare feet, brushing aside the snow to expose the earth, spongy and brown with fallen pine needles. 

“Look!” Narfi cried, pointing behind them where Angrboda had stepped. “Grape flowers!”

In each footprint grew a cluster of little plants, not more than a few inches high, topped with a cone of purple bell-shaped flowers. They did indeed look like upside down bunches of grapes, and the children dropped to their knees to take a closer look. Angrboda smiled at them. “Pick a handful each and come.” As they did so the scent of lemon filled the crisp air. She stood facing the group and held her hands up. More reddish blown magic twisted from her fingers and a pair of young ironwood saplings rose from the ground and bent towards each other, their heads bowed until their branches intertwined and formed an arbour. Loki and Tony, fingers still clasped together, stood in front of her.

“Face each other and clasp your left hands,” she said, her usual smirk gentle and all the calculation gone from her eyes. “You come to each other in the presence of Yggdrasil, your hearts to give to one another.” She materialised a staff, with sharp bundles of trimmed branches still attached at half meter intervals up the wooden pole. “Grasp the staff with your right hands,” she said, and they crossed their other hands above their joined arms so that the staff was held by their left wrists.

Tony grinned. “I feel like we’re playing twister. Left leg blue?”

Angrboda laughed. “Do not tempt me, Tony Stark, or I shall modify the ritual to include some reference to your insuppressable sense of humour.”

“A very important thing in a marriage.”

“One has to have a sense of humour to put up with you,” Loki smirked, and Tony looked so offended he had to lean over their clasped hands, tilting the staff to one side, to kiss him in apology.

“Would you like me to continue?” Angrboda asked, “or are you done already?” She was smiling too much to take seriously, though, and the triplets were sniggering behind their hands.

“Wait!” yelled Vali. “The rings! We’ve lost them!”

“Oh no!” Narfi held his handful of flowers in one little fist and started searching the floor.

“It’s OK, kids,” Tony said, handing the staff to Angrboda and kneeling down. “Modir and I forgot to take them off before, we’ve still got them on. Here you go.”

“Phew!” Narfi said, and held Tony’s ring tight. 

Vali held out her hand for Loki’s, and Tony stood, brushing off his jeans. “Sorry,” he said to Angrboda and Loki. “I’ve probably messed the whole ritual up now.”

“On the contrary,” Angrboda replied. “You have simply made the children a part of it. This is not a spell, Tony, or a ritual set in stone. It is simply a confirmation of what you and Loki already know. That you love each other and would do anything to protect each other. And now it also says that you make each other laugh by teasing, and that you both put the children first, and want to include them in everything you do.”

Loki’s smile was a little more shaky when he clasped Tony’s hand again, and held the staff for both of them, but he could feel the magic warm around them now. It was nothing like his usual precise strands, but felt malleable as the earth, shifting as they moved and becoming part of them rather than trying to mould them to a new intent.

Angrboda held her hand over theirs and red magic flooded wrapped itself around their left hands. “Yggdrasil recognises you. Speak your name and your intent.”

“I am Tony Stark,” said Tony, looking Loki’s eyes, his gaze serious. “And I intend to love you for all the time I have left, make you realise you’re the best husband and parent anyone could ever ask for, and remind you that you don't have to do everything alone. I’ll be here as long as I can, and after that, I want you to know there'll be others to see what I see. Passion, strength and loyalty.”

Loki swallowed the hard lump in his throat and forced himself to think of this moment right now, and not the grey future that stretched beyond these few shining decades. “I am Loki Stark, and I intend to love you for all the time _I_ have left.” Tony’s eyes widened, and Loki quickly continued before Tony could interrupt and protest. “I intend to give you all I have in the time that is given to us, make you happy and learn to be happy, feel every moment I have with you, and trust that when you are not by my side physically, you will be in my heart and in my name.”

As he finished the magic curling around their wrists solidified into a ribbon of stiff, brown material, and clusters of flower like structures emerged from it, sharp little petals in perfect Fibonacci spirals covering their hands until they were almost completely hidden, until the flowers cramped up against each other, pressing their hands closer and closer, and suddenly bursting into sparkling red dust that drifted on the wind.

“Children, the rings, please?” Angrboda took the staff from them while Vali and Narfi handed up the metal bands with solemn little faces, and the rings settled back on their fingers, cool from the Jotunheim air. Loki smiled down at the gold metal against his pale hand before leaning forward to kiss Tony. Angrboda laughed. “You are meant to wait for me to tell you when to do that. Ah well,” she shrugged. “Yet again, it suits you. Welcome to marriage, Tony and Loki Stark.”

Clint whooped and clapped, and the triplets cheered. Fenrir sounded like the wolf he was, throwing his head back and howling, long and joyful. Tony grabbed Loki by his lapels and pulled him forward for another hard kiss. “Loki Stark.”

“Yes?” 

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just wanted to say it. Hey there, this is Loki Stark. My husband.”

Loki smiled and kissed him again. “It sounds right.”

“All right, all right,” Clint poked them both in the ribs. “Save it for the honeymoon.”

Tony sighed and linked their hands as they followed everyone back to the cabin. Loki knew he too had been reminded that there wouldn't be time for a honeymoon. The few hours they had stolen to bind themselves this way had been selfish enough. He squeezed his new husband’s hand. “We should get the children ready to take home.”

“No, you should not,” said Angrboda. She turned and winked at them. “Let them stay here for a few days while you get some enjoyment out of your new marital status. You should have some sort of honeymoon.”

Loki opened his mouth to tell her that was not necessary, that she had already been more than kind, when Tony slapped his hand over his open mouth. “We’ll take it.” He grinned sheepishly at Loki while Angrboda and Clint laughed. “We still need to go to Vegas, anyway. Not sure that’s quite so child-appropriate.”

Loki smiled under Tony’s hand, feeling his skin move against the pads of Tony’s fingers.

Clint rolled his eyes. “Think you can drop me home first, then, guys? Like, sometime before the honeymoon starts?”

The honeymoon did not start immediately. As soon as Tony and Loki set foot in the mansion, JARVIS spoke. “Sir, Mr Rogers and Mr Wilson arrived forty seven minutes ago. They’re waiting outside. I told them I didn’t know how long you were going to be.”

Tony sighed, then his eyes lit up. “Actually, that’s perfect. Thanks, JARV.”

Loki looked up one of the cameras and shrugged while Tony raced off to open the door.

“Congratulations, Mr Stark,” said JARVIS in response, his voice warm.

“Thank you, JARVIS.” He couldn’t help a tiny curl at the corner of his lips as he rubbed the gold band on his finger. He had a feeling this would turn into quite the gesture of comfort. “Thank you for everything.”

“It’s my pleasure. I wouldn’t be so willing to help if I didn’t think you were good for Sir.”

Loki felt his cheeks pink and remembered Tony blustering several times about how Starks don’t blush. He was probably letting the side down, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Tony bustled in at that moment, pushing Rogers and Wilson ahead of him, ignorant to their protests. “Look what I’ve got, Lokes. Witnesses!”

Loki nodded to the two men, then raised an eyebrow at his...his husband. “Witnesses?”

“For the Earth wedding,” he grinned manically.

“What?” yelled the two men, staring between them.

Tony waved his left hand in their faces. “Well, we’re sort of already married, but I don’t think the US government recognises Jotun jurisdiction, hence, Vegas. Lokes, are we gonna have to get married on every realm? I just thought about that.”

Loki burst out laughing, his face crinkling up in delight, mostly at the gobsmacked expressions of the two Avengers. “I do not know about realms outside of the Nine,” he said at last, when he’d got himself under control again. “But other than Midgard any race that recognises the energies of Yggdrasil will see us as bound. So no.”

“Pity,” he said thoughtfully. “I’m gonna get you guys suits.”

“You’re married?” asked Rogers.

“Congratulations, man,” Wilson grinned. He nudged Rogers, who was still staring open mouthed. “Vegas, baby! You been there since the forties?”

“I’ve never been there at all.”

“Probably for the best. Oh well. One of us should dress up as Elvis. Tell me you know about Elvis, Rogers.”

Tony came bounding down the stairs in that moment, handing out suits. He was already wearing his own, the shirt still half unbuttoned and hanging out over the waistband, a champagne coloured tie slung over his shoulders. It was Loki’s favourite suit, though he didn’t usually get to see it for that long _on_ Tony.

“These are never going to fit,” Rogers complained, trying on a pinstriped jacket.

“I may be able to help with that,” said Loki, shifting his own clothes to a dark grey suit that matched Tony’s, snug against his hips and shoulders. He touched their two guests on the shoulders and changed their jeans and t-shirts into well-fitted suits too. 

Rogers shivered. “Heh. Goosebumps. That’s like someone playing with your hair, or something. So weird.” He felt the fabric of the clothes and moved experimentally, as if he was looking for his own clothes beneath the illusion.

“Damn, Loki, I’m coming back here any time I need a new wardrobe for date night. I don’t think I’ve ever had a suit that fitted this well.”

“Tony? You OK?”

Loki turned to see Tony holding the clothes loosely in one hand, staring wide eyed at Loki. He cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah. I’ve never seen you in a suit, Lokes.”

“Is it...do you think it’s acceptable?”

Wilson snorted. “I think we’d better get this wedding done before the honeymoon starts.”

Tony rushed to button himself up and tie his tie, until Loki stroked his shoulders and twisted the material into a perfect Double Windsor with his magic. Tony grinned and grabbed his hand. “To Vegas, baby,” he cheered, and grabbed Rogers, while Wilson took Loki’s other hand.

The humans assured Loki that the bureaucracy involved in marriage licenses and weddings in Las Vegas was much shorter than the average expected, but Loki was still relieved he was able to use magic to conjure identity documentation. Rogers groaned and turned away when he materialised a diplomatic passport out of a napkin for himself. “I don’t want to know,” he muttered. “But I doubt the US government’s going to recognise this.”

Tony looked thoughtful. “Eh. Don’t care. I don’t think the US government recognises Loki, for that matter. Let’s get married anyway, at least we’ll have one semi-legal piece of paper that says Fury can’t call him Loki No-onesson any more.”

They found a chapel with an Elvis officiator, which Tony assured him was obligatory, and waited while a giggling young couple took their turn ahead. 

“Hey, if we’ve got a few minutes, why don’t you take Cap and show him the bright lights of the strip?” Tony said to Wilson, and Loki narrowed his eyes at him, recognising his ‘I’m making an innocent suggestion here and not planning anything at all, honest’ voice. Tony just widened his eyes at Loki in response and waved the two Avengers off. “Meet you back here in twenty, we’ll call if they finish early or something.” He turned to Loki with a predatory look. “Oh, hey, Lokes, you’ve got something on your face, why don’t we go to the bathroom and get that cleaned up.”

Loki followed him, rubbing at his cheek discretely. The moment they were through the door Tony grabbed him by the hips and shoved him into a cubicle, capturing his mouth in a hard, desperate kiss. “Fuck, Loki, that suit’s gonna be the death of me. Do you have any idea how fucking gorgeous you look?”

Loki blinked, blindsided. “I...no?”

Tony ran his hands down Loki’s waist and across his arse, his skin gliding over the soft fabric. “Your pants are made of sin, Lokes. Actual fucking sin. How have I never got you in a suit before now?” He kissed down Loki’s chin and flicked his tongue out, licking his Adam’s apple and tasting the jugular notch at the junction of his collarbones. Loki closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the plasterboard cubicle wall as heat pooled below his stomach. Tony was already hard, his erection straining the fabric and pressing against Loki’s thigh, and he felt his own cock pulse with want in response. Tony must have felt it, his lips stretching into a smile even as he unbuttoned Loki’s shirt and pressed kisses into his chest. “I’m not going to be able to wait to get you home, you know. Gonna have to do something about this. Jesus, Loki, what you do to me.”

Loki buried his fingers in Tony’s hair and pulled him up for a kiss, open mouthed, their tongues twisting against each other. Tony’s hand trailed down his body and _pressed_ against his length, and Loki moaned and shuddered as he sharpened to full hardness.

He was about to start unzipping Tony’s trousers when he sank to his knees, leaving Loki’s hands empty. Tony looked up at him, his beautiful husband at his feet, hands bracketing his hips and rubbing along the charcoal fabric. “Stay right there,” he murmured huskily, looking up at Loki through his eyelashes. “I’m having a taste of you, and then when I get you home I’m going to unwrap you, take this beautiful suit off and see if it looks better decorating our floor.” 

Loki couldn’t help laughing at the stupid line, but his eyes fluttered shut and his amusement disappeared into pure lust as Tony stroked strong fingers down his length, dulled through the fabric of his trousers. He didn’t even undo the button, just slipped the zip down and moved the material out of the way until Loki’s dick was sticking out, dark and swollen. Tony leaned forward slightly and brushed his cheek against the head. Loki’s breath stuttered as he felt smooth skin, then the wiry hairs of his beard brush against his sensitive cock, and his fists clenched, fingers skittering with nothing to hold onto. As Tony laid a kiss against the head he gasped and reached up to grip the top of the cubicle.

“You think you can be quiet, babe?” Tony smirked, wrapping one hand around Loki’s dick and chuckling softly as Loki’s mouth fell open in a gasp. “Or do you think I can get you crying out my name as you come? Or begging me to finish you?” He flicked out his tongue and licked him from base to tip, and Loki’s knees almost gave way. “How long do you think you can keep your gorgeous ass still?” he asked, his voice a purr that Loki could almost feel in his hypersensitive groin. “How long will you let me hold you flat against the wall while I lick and suck and tease?” He placed his free hand on Loki’s abdomen and pushed until his body was pressed hard against the plasterboard before licking all around the groove beneath Loki’s foreskin. 

“F-fuck, Tony,” he whispered. There was music coming from the chapel, he could hear sirens outside, the world was so close, they were cut off from discovery by a thin membrane of space, but Loki wasn’t even embarrassed by how wrecked he already sounded.

Tony’s cheeks stretched into a smile, but he didn’t look up, focused completely on wrapping his lips around Loki’s cock, sliding down a few inches, then pulling back and blowing cool air on him while Loki tried and failed to get his breathing under control. Then he took him back in again, sliding down a little further, before pulling off, and further and further until he was moving his hand away, and Loki could feel the head of his cock pressed against the back of Tony’s throat, the muscles swallowing compulsively and drawing out shuddering moans which he tried to muffle by biting into the back of his own hand. As Tony pulled back, breathing deeply through his nose, he twirled his tongue in spirals around his cock, spit slicked down the length of him, collecting in the corners of Tony’s stretched lips and pooling in Loki’s dark curls.

Tony shifted the angle of his mouth ever so slightly, and ran the very edge of his teeth up his shaft, not enough to hurt, but enough to send electric shocks of adrenaline and security and trust through his legs and up his spine, and Loki gulped back a whimper, his hips twitching against the strong forearm pressed against them, holding him down. Tony’s other hand slipped between his legs and caressed his balls through the material, the dulling of the sensation a perfect counterpoint to the sharp demanding focus of his mouth, his hot, wet tongue and tight lips, cheeks hollowing as he sucked on the upstroke, and Loki felt like he was in a whirlwind, the centre of a storm, where a roaring power cut him off from the rest of the world and kept him still and present and concentrated right here. Tony’s mouth was moving faster, his head bobbing in place, and Loki thought he might be making desperate sounds, pleading, his hands scrabbling at the top of the cubicle and in Tony’s hair and touching the side of his mouth, and running along his shoulders, but the only thing he could truly be sure of was the building fire in his body, starting at the very edge of his awareness and intensifying as it drew together, pooling lower and higher and meeting in the middle, right under his lover’s ministrations. He felt his balls tighten and lift, felt Tony humming or growling, vibrations juddering through his cock as he begged, and then the arm holding his hips still was gone, and Tony was gripping his arse and pulling it towards him, fucking into his mouth until he cried out loud and came, shuddering and gasping and that _tongue_ was still flickering until he couldn’t stand any more, he had nothing left, and he slipped down the wall to kiss Tony breathlessly.

“I hope you can use your magic to clean us up,” gasped Tony as they gained control of their breathing again. He took Loki’s hand and guided it down to his own crotch where Loki felt the spreading damp patch. “Fuck, you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen when you’re falling apart, you have no idea,” he said, nuzzling into Loki’s neck. Loki tried to care that he was blushing, and failed.

They looked immaculate when they left the bathroom ten minutes later, suits clean and uncreased, buttons closed correctly and ties returned to their original places. Rogers and Wilson still smirked and blushed their way through the ceremony, and stifled giggles whenever they caught their eye. Tony and Loki, of course, made it a point to look particularly innocent in their direction whenever possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit worried now, because I've now uploaded everything I've got written! I do have a pretty detailed plan of the remaining chapters, so hopefully I'll be able to stick to the schedule, but please forgive me if I fail epically!


	11. ᛟ Othalan (Heritage)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise profusely for any mistakes, I literally just finished this and I'm writing it on my iPad while on an impromptu day away! To be honest, a lot of it took me by surprise, an I've had it planned out for months! Sort of love it when that happens though! Please let me know if you find any mistakes!

Loki took a deep breath and looked at Clint, his hand clamped around his elbow and his jaw set. “Are you ready.”

“As I’ll ever be,” Clint replied grimly. 

Loki nodded, forced a smile and a wink for Tony, and stepped forward, emerging in Heimdall’s observatory. He felt Clint’s fingers twitch around his elbow as the imposing figure appeared, both hands resting on Hofund, his amber eyes glaring at Loki as ever. The sniper kept his composure admirably and released Loki’s arm, shifting into parade rest. It amused Loki. Clint had never been a traditional soldier, with drills and formal salutes. He wondered if he was emulating Rogers as his persona as a way of dealing with the Aesir.

“Loki,” said Heimdall. “Clint Barton. You will be given an escort to the city.”

Loki nodded to him and turned to face over the rainbow bridge like the foreign diplomat he was. He could have transported them right into the throne room, or into his old chambers, but he was here to formally petition Asgard for help with the threat of Thanos, and he would be playing by their rules. As much as he had played down his concerns with Tony, he really wasn’t sure how much Odin or Thor would accept him as a representative of Midgard. Or how much the insult to Midgard would outweigh the benefits of throwing him into a dungeon for existing. But there was no other choice. Heimdall would not open the Bifrost for a human, no matter how important Fury considered himself, so their only path had been for Loki to give Asgard warning and turn up with Clint, not giving them the option of ignoring the visit or withholding the Bifrost.

“This place is off the fucking chain, Loki,” muttered Clint out the side of his mouth. “I mean, I like being high up, but this is ridiculous.”

Loki stared straight ahead and ignored the yawning void beneath their feet. Clint glanced at him. “You OK?”

He snorted. “If my facial expressions have become so transparent I fear I must have lost my skill for diplomacy.”

“Nah, you’re looking cool as a cucumber. I’m just empathising.”

“Ah. How very not Aesir of you.”

“Thank you for the compliment.”

Loki couldn’t help laughing, his thundering heart lifting slightly from its anxious slump. “Look,” he said, gesturing with his chin. “Our escort approaches.”

“Give me the run down?”

“From left to right, they are Fandral, Sif and Volstagg. Fandral is a master swordsman, son of a minor noble, fancies himself a ladies man and is exceptionally good at seeking out the alpha male of any room and aligning himself with them, while minimising offense to anyone else. He will not mistreat us, but do not mistake his friendship for loyalty. He is…”

“Superficial?”

“Exactly. Nice, but as much support as a pillar of ice on Muspelheim.”

“Where?”

“Volcanic realm. The dominant race there are Fire Giants, or Eldjotnar.”

“Oh. Ha. Yeah, I get the reference now. Next?”

“The Lady Sif is a fierce warrior, in skill she only lags behind Thor and Tyr, our war leader. She is not as strong as many of her opponents, but she fights with a ferocity to compensate and like mine, her techniques make much of her greater agility.”

“Like Natasha.”

“Yes, however unlike Natasha she has a chip on her shoulder a mile deep and cannot stand any reference to her femininity. While Romanov would allow an enemy to underestimate her, allowing her to get close enough to drive the knife home unexpected, Sif will overcompensate and ensure no-one dares to consider her weaker because of her sex.”

“How’s that working out for her?”

“Well, people only make the mistake once, but the mistake itself continues to be made and it is a sure way to goad her into losing her temper.”

“Hell of an Achilles heel. How do you think she’ll react to you?”

“She hates me,” he replied cheerfully. “And she has worshipped Thor since their childhood - oh, she claims brotherhood with him, but only because she does not wish to risk rejection.”

“Or to be seen as a girl, huh?”

Loki nodded and rolled his eyes. “Finally, Volstagg. He is the oldest of Thor’s close friends, and has seven children.”

“Wait, so these guys are all Thor’s friends?”

 

“Every warrior on Asgard would consider themselves a close friend of Thor if you asked them, but these three are his closest companions, and have been for centuries, along with Hogun the Vanir. I have no idea where he is.”

“Shit, are we going to have to watch our back on the way to the city?”

“You should be watching your back at all times, Barton. You are in hostile territory now.”

“Yeah, I _know_ that, Loki. Just...specifically on this bridge?”

Loki shuddered before he could stop himself. “We will not be thrown off, if that is your concern. It would be considered dishonorable.”

“Oh good, if that’s the only reason.”

“On Midgard, if you want to convince people to get something done, you find the financial reason,” he shrugged. “On Asgard you find the honourable one.”

By this time the warriors had closed in and both Loki and Clint straightened up and wore their formal masks. The men stopped, leaving Sif to come closer and give a small bow. “Representatives of Midgard, the Royal Family bids you welcome to Asgard. Please follow us.”

She spun on her heel and marched back the way she had come, leaving Loki and Clint to follow along. Fandral and Volstagg walked closer to them, Volstagg with the same aspect of formality as Sif, while Fandral swaggered and smiled. “Welcome back, Loki.”

Loki inclined his head to both men and introduced Clint. “Tell me, Fandral, how fares the Allfather?”

Fandral raised an eyebrow. “He sleeps still,” he said. “You have not been informed?”

“Cut the crap, Fandral,” he sighed, channelling his husband for an indulgent second. “You know full well I am no longer of Asgard. I have no claim on Odin as family.”

Volstagg cleared his throat and mumbled as he spoke, as if he wasn’t sure whether it was allowed. “We did...notice, that Thor was particular about the wording of your welcome.”

Sif made a sharp sound at that, like a snort. Loki frowned, a microexpression of confusion that he quickly controlled. “It matters not.”

Volstagg turned suddenly, his face a picture of dismay. “How can you say it does not matter, Loki? You renounced your heritage!”

“I do not feel I had a choice.”

“But they are your _family!_ ”

“Volstagg, if it ever came to a choice between your children and your parents, which would _you_ choose?”

“But it is not a choice that should be--”

“I know. But the situation arose. And you know as well as I that there is only one correct answer to that question.”

“But to lose your family…” he trailed off, and Loki couldn’t help a surprised smile. The great oaf felt sympathy for him!

“I have a family,” he said softly, and patted him on the arm. “So,” he said, walking forward firmly. “Thor sits on the throne, then?”

Fandral nodded. “He is the King in all but name, now,” he said. “There is little chance that Odin will awaken again.”

“You are well informed, considering this is almost certainly confidential medical information.” Loki raised an eyebrow. “Is Thor still so loose lipped?”

Fandral looked abashed. “I have a friend in Eir’s employ.”

“A lady friend, I am sure.”

Fandral was quieter for the rest of the long walk to the palace, possibly realising he might have jeopardised his companion’s job. They walked along the vast avenue that continued the direct line from the Bifrost observatory to the palace gates, heads held high. Loki was impressed with Clint’s ability to take everything in without moving his head at all, nothing like the backwater dweller all Aesir expected the Midgardians to be. They walked through the susurration of voices echoing off the vaulted ceilings, Gladsheim restored to its former glory since the Dark Elf invasion. He mentally prepared himself for the humiliation that was sure to come. He had spent a thousand years as the unneeded second prince, never knowing quite how unwanted until his heritage had been revealed by accident. He knew how to be polite in the face of sneers, and he knew how to manipulate his way. Even so, facing his once-brother in private would be bad enough. In front of the court of Asgard, he would have to pull his pride deep within himself to keep his diplomatic mask intact.

“The delegation from Midgard, my Prince,” called Sif, and Loki wondered at the distaste in her voice. The disgust appeared to be heavy on the wrong word. He refocused on his function and stepped forward shoulder to shoulder with Clint to face the golden God of Thunder. 

“Clint Barton, you are well met,” said Thor, his voice rumbling around the hall. He slouched on Hlidskjalf, one fist propping up his chin, every inch the arrogant warlord he had been before his banishment. 

Loki allowed his fists to clench slightly at the deliberate neglect. The audience had of course noticed it as well, it was hardly subtle. He bowed anyway. “We bring grave news, my--”

“What news from Midgard?” Thor spoke calmly, cutting Loki off with no inflection or rush, and Loki’s temper flared in its bonds, well hidden behind his calm facade. 

Clint glanced nervously at Loki before replying. “As Loki was saying, we’ve got bad news.” At Loki’s nod, he seemed to gather his courage and turned to face Thor fully. “The Mad Titan, Thanos, has got hold of the Time Gem and is using it to travel quickly towards our galaxy. He should be within reach of Earth - Midgard - and therefore the other eight realms in about six months, by all accounts.”

“From where do you get your information?” Thor asked, eyes narrowed. “There are...untrustworthy sources who have claimed contact with the Mad Titan before, but all our tales tell of his defeat and banishment to a place beyond contact of the Nine..” He did not even glance towards Loki while he cast aspersions on his honesty. It shouldn’t bother him, being completely unsurprising as it was, but Loki clenched his teeth anyway. Tony was bad for him, it seemed. He had lost the ability to accept such insults without a flicker of a tell.

“We’ve had contact with a group called the Guardians of the Galaxy. They’ve dealt with some of his agents before, and stopped him getting hold of the Power Gem a while ago. One of their people has insider information too, so we know that he’s aiming for Earth again.” Clint spread his hands. “We know we’ve been cut off from the outside universe, and from this plane of existence, for most of our history. We’re getting stronger, but we’re no match for Thanos as we are. We’ve come to appeal for help.”

The silence in the hall was complete for long moments. Thor shifted in his seat, leaning on the other elbow and rubbing his beard with his thumb as he stared at Clint. Loki held his breath.

“Why should we come to Midgard’s aid, yet again? I myself have fought on your behalf twice in recent years, and for no recompense. Is it not time that you learned to protect your own realm? A good father cannot always solve his children’s problems, but must give them space to learn through their own experience.”

Clint gave a little huff of laughter. “You’re not actually our dad, though,” he muttered, almost under his breath. “As for recompense - isn’t it true that Earth is the gateway to the rest of Yggdrasil? So by refusing us help, you’re endangering your own people. It’s only a matter of time before Thanos gets past us _children_ and starts on you guys.” He shrugged. “I’m just saying, it’s good strategy to stop the enemy before they get in the city gates.”

“It is also a good _strategy_ to protect one’s own home before getting involved in the problems of others,” Thor returned. Loki could tell his decision had already been made, his attention waning and his body language starting to face away from Clint, a subtle dismissal. “Asgard has suffered many losses in the past year, with Makekith’s invasion and marauder attacks on our protectorates, which continue even now. To divide our forces and fight a war on two fronts would be irresponsible governance.”

“But if you mustered the ranks of Alfheim and Vanaheim we could prevent this war before it ever reaches the branches of Yggdrasil,” Loki said, the words falling from his mouth unbidden. “Freya and Frey would be happy to follow their nephew, and even those historically not friends of Asgard would could be convinced to fight for the good of their own realms. Sutur is always eager for war, to fight by his side would be safer than to fight against him and would slake his bloodlust for another few centuries.”

Thor rounded on him with a snarl. “Would you presume to tell me what to do? The king of Asgard does not take advice from an _argr_ no-one. Now, you have had your audience. You are dismissed.”

“Thor,” Loki groaned, “have you forgotten all the supposedly essential lessons you learned during your quest to be worthy of Mjolnir? How is it that she even allows you to lift her while you endanger the entire Nine Realms and beyond for your childish power plays and stubbornness?”

“Have care of how you speak, Loki, for we no longer have the ties of brotherhood to bind my patience.”

“As if that has ever stopped you!” Loki took a deep breath and held up his hands in surrender. “At least allow us to visit --”

“No.”

“But you have not even heard--”

“I grow tired of your presence, drifter,” Thor growled. “Leave under your own power before I have the guards escort you.”

“Please, Thor!” he burst out. “You have ties to Midgard yourself, think of your Doctor, who even now works to assist Tony in preparing for the threat. If you will not act for political reasons at least do so for personal ones, that has ever been your way. Even just a visit to the library to find as much information as we can glean --”

“Enough!” he roared, and Loki flinched with how much like Odin he now sounded. “Sif, remove the Frost Giant from my throne room and escort him and Clint Barton to the Bifrost observatory. I grow tired of the mewling of the weak.”

Sif clenched strong fingers around his upper arm and hauled him backwards. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Clint raise his hands and walk quietly ahead of her so that she waved the other guard back to his place. Loki turned back to the man he no longer recognised as his brother and sneered in fear and fury. “You try so hard to be like your father. It is such a shame you have inherited none of his wisdom.”

“Shut up, Loki,” snapped Sif, hauling him so that he stumbled. She nodded shortly to Volstagg and he walked ahead of them, pushing the doors open, leading them through the servants passages, a deliberate dishonour to an ambassadorial envoy.

Loki shook his arm but Sif’s grip was unrelenting. “Let go of me, you bootlicking sycophant.”

She shoved him hard into a wall, taking him by surprise enough that his lungs emptied of air. Clint had an arrow notched with a bow in a blink and wavered between Sif, pressing Loki against the stone, and Volstagg with his hands raised and nervous glances up and down the corridor. “Shut the fuck up, you idiot,” Sif snarled. “Or has your brain been so addled by the thin Midgardian air that you have forgotten the layout of the palace?”

Loki was struggling to refill his lungs without sounding like he had been drowning, so he thought he could be excused a moment of confusion. “What?”

“The library, you imbecile. How long do you need?”

“An hour, at the least.”

“You can have twenty minutes,” she said, scanning the corridors. “Volstagg, take…” she gestured vaguely at Clint, “the Midgardian to Heimdall, we shall meet you there.”

“Wait,” Loki called, and conjured clones of himself, Sif and Clint instead. “We could do with the extra eyes and hands,” he explained, standing straight and frowning at Sif. “Why are you doing this?”

She snorted and marched down the echoing hallway towards the library, leaving Loki and Clint to follow, while Volstagg and the clones walked the other way. By the time Loki had caught up with her, they were already at the library doors and there was no point wasting time interrogating her when he could be gathering everything he could that might possibly have the slightest reference to infinity gems, time dilation and the Mad Titan himself.

“What are you doing?” Sif snapped as she saw him flicking through an ancient tome.

“What does it bloody look like?”

“It looks to me as if Loki the Trickster has discovered a love for the rules at the most inopportune time, just take the blasted books, Loki”

He blushed and muttered something about the rules of libraries being actually important, but it didn't even make sense to his own ears. He started loading Clint and Sif’s arms with books and tucking the biggest into his interdimensional pocket, exchanging them for trinkets and artefacts he had been storing in there for centuries, throwing them to the ground to make space.”

“There’s limits to your magic space pocket?” Clint asked, when he explained what he was doing.

“I do not make the rules,” he shrugged.

“You used to be quite good at breaking them, though,” Sif snorted. 

“Even I abide by the laws of physics, Sif,”

“Really?” she asked. “Even when sky walking?”

He stood, staring into space for a moment, then raced to another aisle to snatch up three more crumbling books, his eyes feverish with joy. “You, my lady, are a genius.”

“Just get us to my brother,” she grumbled, picking out books at random and lashing them together with her belt. 

Loki heard the clanking of armour along a distant corridor, the sound of guards being alerted to thieves. He grabbed Clint. “I do not need to travel from the observatory, we could simply return to Midgard from here.”

“You will want to hear what Heimdall has to say,” she insisted, gripping his bicep. Loki shrugged and stepped forward through space onto the end of the rainbow bridge. He almost escaped feeling sick from the view entirely, with the pumping of adrenaline through his veins.

“Loki,” said a deep voice, and Loki turned to face the usual disapproval.

“Heimdall. Fancy seeing you here.”

“A visitor awaits you,” he rumbled. “Stand back, I must open the Bifrost.”

“There is no need for that,” he said. “I know it bothers you that I do not need your services, but--”

Sif dragged him and Clint behind Heimdall to stand beside a nervous looking Volstagg. Loki waved his hand to disappear the clones.

“You should go, Volstagg,” said Sif. “Be with your family.”

He shook his head, face pale beneath his vast red beard. “Brunhild took them all to a Vanaheim a month ago. They will be safe with her parents.” He looked at Loki. “I know you think little of me - of us - but we have only ever done what we believe to be right. We do not follow your brother blindly, Loki.”

“We do not follow that arse at all,” growled Sif.

Loki stared at her, open mouthed, but before he could formulate words that made any sort of sense, the Bifrost cleared to reveal a short, broad woman, her face pockmarked with welding burns and her inky black eyes narrowed at him.

“Loki Liesmith,” she growled.

“Brokk,” Loki smiled wide and false. “So good of you to come. Sif, Heimdall, if you had meant to kill me you only needed to wait a few months and I'm sure Thanos would have done the job.”

“Enough of your cheek, boy,” Brokk jumped to clip him on the ear. “I could still sew that mouth of yours shut, you know.” She turned to Heimdall. “You said you had a challenge for me?”

Heimdall inclined his head, and Loki spent a slightly hysterical moment wanting to giggle at the sight of their weird eyes facing off, Heimdall’s glowing and entirely yellow, Brokk’s a deep well of black, sucking all light in. “It is Loki who has the challenge for you, not I. Thanos approaches, and he has the Time Gem.”

The dwarf woman sucked in a breath through her teeth and turned to Loki. “I suppose you have yet another mad plan? How much will this cost me?”

“How much is your life worth?” he retorted.

“More than your head,” she snorted. “But we shall need to negotiate elsewhere, it seems. You are about to have company.”

The einherjar were now racing up the rainbow bridge, and Loki turned to look at Heimdall. “Do you make it a habit to commit treason to every king, Watchman?” he asked. “And here I thought I was special.”

Heimdall ignored him.

“Come with us, Heimdall,” said Sif, but he shook his head.

“My services are required by Asgard, and they are too valuable to be so easily discarded in punishment.”

“I always knew you had too much power,” Loki muttered. Sif smacked him on he head. “And you! I have not even invited you.”

“You asked for Asgard’s help. Asgard has refused, so I refuse Asgard.”

Loki looked at her, saw the pale tint to her skin and the grief in her eyes, and held his tongue. He linked arms with Brokk and Clint, made sure Volstagg and Sif were in contact with the chain, inclined his head to Heimdall and stepped forward onto the wooden floor of his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, I now have to figure out exactly why Sif is apparently a genius. Loki hasn't seen fit to explain himself yet, the bastard! Oh well, I have another 4 days lol O_o


	12. ᛜ Ingwaz (Beginning)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I apologise for this chapter, it's a bit truncated. I just got a call that my granny's gone into hospital, and since she lives in Kenya, I've got to head over there in a couple of days - so obviously my update schedule might go to shit! Equally, it might not, because I might need a bit of escapism! Just thought I'd upload what I had, seeing as I'd finished a scene anyway.

“Modir!” 

Narfi jumped into Loki’s arms, wrapping his legs around his legs. Loki laughed and mock-groaned, tucking his face in Narfi’s neck. “Hello, my baby koala.”

“Hey, you came back with people,” Tony cheered, walking in with Vali on his back, little arms wrapped around his neck. She liked to stand with her feet in his hands, rather than wrapping her legs around his hips, and she jumped up and down when she saw Loki.

“Well,” said Sif, dryly, and Loki turned to see her eyebrow arched in a desperate effort to be diplomatic. “Thor did mention something about a new family.”

Loki took a deep breath and let Narfi slip to the floor. “Introductions,” he said, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he felt. Thor’s views on gender and sexuality were pretty representative of most Aesir. “May I present the Aesir warriors Sif and Volstagg, and the Dwarf engineer Brokk.” He turned to Tony and the other humans and aliens who had followed him in. “This is the engineer Tony Stark, my husband, and Narfi and Vali, my children.” He met both Aesir’s eyes as far as they would allow him, an implicit challenge. Volstagg was already won over by Narfi shaking his hand seriously. He saw Sif’s eyes narrow, but she shrugged microscopically and let it go to his relief, and he continued. “The Avengers, Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson - Clint Barton was of late one of their team. The Guardians of the Galaxy Peter Quill and Rocket. And..” oh good, he thought. This wasn't awkward enough. He gestured to the tiny brunette woman peering out from behind Quill. “Doctor Jane Foster, astrophysicist.”

There was a few seconds of silence that extended painfully. “So,” said Brokk, clapping her hands. “I hear that we have a challenge the likes of which has not been seen in the Nine Realms for the last ten thousand years. Would anyone like to elaborate?”

“What has Heimdall told you so far?” Loki asked gratefully.

“Only that the intellectual stimulation this brings me would make up for debt you owe me, Silvertongue.”

“What did you do, Lokes?” Tony grinned.

“He tricked me out of my three greatest creations,” she growled.

“I won them fair and square!” he said, stupidly allowing himself to be drawn into a centuries old argument. Again.

“Oh, indeed, and which part of the contest stated that you could turn into a horsefly and sting me?”

“Which rule stated that I could not?” he retorted. “And anyway, that had no impact on the outcome.”

“So you say,” she growled, “but--”

“As entertaining as this is,” interrupted Tony, “and I can't wait to hear the whole story over pizza, can we maybe concentrate on the giant purple guy with the magic rock due to bring the apocalypse in six months or so?”

“Wow, Tony,” said Rogers. “I never thought I’d see the day you’re the sensible one.”

“Did you ever think you’d see the day I got married and had step-kids?”

“Fair point.”

“Explain,” said Brokk imperiously.

They arranged themselves around the living room, Vali and Narfi subtly fighting over prime real estate on Loki’s lap. He considered sending them away while they discussed such terrors, but his arms tightened around them even as he considered it. If there was so little hope of survival beyond these six months, he would take any contact he could find with his children and hope the fear in the adults’ voices didn't seep into the childrens’ ears. He desperately regretted the days when he’d been crippled by anxiety, hiding away from his loved ones. But then he’d also regretted it when he was doing it, promising every evening that he’d be better tomorrow. He buried his face in Vali’s hair and kissed her head, then Narfi’s nose when he turned for his share of the affection. 

Brokk quickly interrogated Tony, Jane and the two Guardians on the plans and resources they had for the time dilation device, her onyx eyes gleaming with a strange ultraviolet luminosity. “Now I see why Heimdall called me,” she grinned. This is truly a challenge. Now, have you considered the use of adamantium in the casing of the device?”

“Well, we haven't been able to get much of it,” Jane replied, flicking through her notes and shoving her hair out of her eyes. “But the Young’s modulus values for it suggest it would be the best material to cope with the kind of stresses we need to subject it to.” She sighed. “Not that this is the easiest thing to test, it’s all theoretical right now.”

“And that is what I bring,” said Brokk, a smug tone in her voice. Loki rolled his eyes. “I have a machine that may replicate the effects of the time gem when used as a weapon. It will not be as strong, of course, and uses a different mechanism to the infinity stones, pure quantum entanglement rather than magic and quantum physics combined.”

“That would be awesome!” breathed Jane.

Tony nodded. “I bet you’ve got more understanding of quantum phenomena and its practical uses than us earthlings, too, maybe if we can pick your brain we’ll get some inspiration.”

“Brokk loves to hold court,” Loki grinned.

“I should teach you a lesson still, you little shit,” she grumbled. Loki rolled his eyes and covered his kids’ ears pointedly.

“Right,” said Tony, clapping his hands once. “To the lab for the geeks, uh, not too sure what to do about the rest of you…”

“I have half a library to research,” said Loki, pushing the children off his lap and twisting his hands together to empty his pocket universe. “Some of this may be useful for your device.” He handed a number of books on particle physics and materials science to Tony who grunted under the weight.

“Thanks, Prometheus,” he grinned.

“Prometheus brought fire from the gods,” frowned Loki. “I would appreciate it if you did not burn books older than your civilisation.”

Tony shifted the books so he could wave his hand. “Fire is a metaphor for knowledge, go with it.”

“Your nicknames become less and less comprehensible, you know.”

“You love it.”

“Hmm,” he said. “Luckily I love _you_ , anyway.”

Tony stuck his tongue out.

“Can we help with any of the other research?” Rogers asked. “Assuming we can read it.”

“The words will translate before your eyes to your language of choice, and I would appreciate the help. There are histories here which may have information on Thanos’ origin - although I warn you, such tales may not exist, as Thanos is thought to pre-date the civilisations of any of the Nine Realms.”

“Worth a shot,” shrugged Wilson. “Better than sitting around waiting to fight. It’s not like we’re much use elsewhere.”

“I do not think I am very suited to reading,” frowned Volstagg. “But I know nothing about materials beyond their use in cutting and stabbing.”

Loki privately thought that if he had to spend any time forcing either Aesir to sit still with a book he would send them back to Asgard and take his chances without any Aesir on side, but he exercised diplomacy. “Perhaps you could help Clint design weaponry then?”

Sif’s eyes lit up as Clint nodded. “I need to head back to my place to put Lila to bed, but I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Perhaps I could entertain your young ones, then, Loki?” Volstagg said, and Loki tried not to let suspicion overwhelm him. Volstagg was crazy about children, he always had been, even before he was married himself. If any Aesir was to be trusted with his supposedly abominable children, it would be him. He looked at the big man for a moment, then nodded. Volstagg’s smile took him by surprise, wide and a little sad, and Loki watched him offer his hands to the two children and let them lead him to the craft table.

“His second son is _argr_ , you know,” Sif said casually, just loud enough for Loki to hear. “He found out soon after the Dark Elf invasion.”

Loki’s eyebrows raised. “That...no, I did not know.”

She nodded. “I will help with the research until Clint Barton returns,” she said, and turned to the pile of books the two Avengers were sorting through. 

“Uh, Loki, excuse me?” 

Loki turned to see Jane standing awkwardly in the doorway, twisting her hands together and biting her lips. “Yes?”

“I don’t know if you...maybe...had some news from Thor? For me?”

“Ah…” Of course today was the day for excruciating conversations. But then Sif snorted, and both he and Jane turned to glare at her.

“Really?” Jane grumbled. “I know you had the hots for him, it’s pretty obvious, but you had, like, a thousand years to act on it, so don’t blame me.”

Sif looked up, her eyes wide. “Oh! No, I...um, I apologise.”

It was Loki’s turn to snort. “Well, clearly there is a first time for everything.”

Sif glared at him, but really, that was just her standard expression when looking his way, so it barely registered. “What I _meant_ was that Thor is a complete arse and I would not be surprised if he forgets you exist.”

“Oh, come on,” scoffed Jane, “he’s not that bad.”

Loki frowned at Sif. “Thor has been an arse since you first knew him, Sif, and yet you have stood by his side at every turn. What has changed so dramatically in the last year to turn you, of all people against him?”

She stood, gripping a leather-bound book and looking away from both of them. “Thor did not want to be king,” she said. “He was planning to ask Odin to allow him to spend some time on Midgard. With you.” She looked up at Jane, with resignation, but no animosity. “That was what he told us before he entered the throne room. When he came out, the king had fallen into the Odinsleep, and Thor was...different.”

Loki nodded. “He told us Odin had refused his request. The king threatened to take your life, I believe,” he said to Jane. “When Thor was here last, he implied that it was Odin’s fit of anger that sent him into the Odinsleep, and he has not awoken since. They do not think he will.”

Her eyes widened and she put one hand on her mouth. “But why didn’t he say anything? I would have understood…”

Sif shook her head. “I do not know if it was guilt, or the burden of duty, but he has not been himself since he ascended the throne. It is as if he is trying to honour his father by behaving like him.”

Loki nodded. “He speaks like Odin, and superficially makes similar sounding decisions, but they lack the wisdom and diplomacy of the Allfather. As much as I hate the old man, he was a powerful ruler. Thor has worshiped him all our life, he would want to govern like him.” All the more reason to stay away from Asgard for the next few centuries. 

Sif gritted her teeth. “It is as if the last few years - the last few centuries - had never happened,” she said. “He is closing Asgard off against allies and enemies alike, he isolates our realm, and he is isolating the different classes of Asgard more than ever as well. The warriors live and train together in barracks rather than being spread throughout the town, the markets that take over the training fields every month have been cancelled, restricting merchants to the town, the nobles are invited to banquets but not tournaments. He is drawing back from our diplomatic posts in Alfheim, leaving but a skeleton crew, and our forces in Vanaheim are spread thin. Hogun never returned to Asgard, you know. And now, there is so little movement between realms I am not sure he would be accepted.” She clenched her fists. “And when Volstagg, Fandral and I tried to speak to him, to ask him _why_ , and tell him that this was madness, and would surely only cause unrest, he told us to _know our place_ , asked who we were to advise the king of Asgard! As if we were but green squires who had not been by his side and advised him during centuries of campaigns, supported him through every misstep and foolish quest!”

She was practically pacing now, eyes wide with injustice, and Loki wanted to laugh. “Oh, I am sure I could not possibly know what _that_ is like.”

Sif just rolled her eyes at him, and he let it go, because hypocrisy from her was not exactly alien, and he just didn’t care enough to try to school her any more. He looked instead to Jane, to see how she was coping with the news. 

She was standing with her hair almost gathered around her like a shroud, and Loki felt at once sorry for her, and deeply frustrated that such a forceful, independent person should be so completely _stupid_ about someone who proved time and again that he was not to be trusted with his faith. Although, he realised, he had been a fool for Thor for so much longer than Jane, as had Sif and Volstagg. He knew first hand how addictive Thor’s regard could be. If you were with him, his smile was like the sun after winter. If you could have his attention it was like being the only worthwhile person in the world, and you could believe he would never leave you, loyal and loving to you and only you. And then he would be gone, and you would find that he had not thought of you that whole time. If you were not in his sight, you did not exist.

He dipped his head to catch Jane’s eye. “He is not worth it, Jane.”

She laughed. “Oh, wow, and here I thought that was a human platitude.” She sniffed and pushed her hair back from her face, determinedly not looking at any of them. “Look, I appreciate it, really, but I just spent three years pining for the guy, so excuse me if I’m not exactly ready to bounce back. I know, like, _intellectually_ what you’re saying, and I believe you, but…”

Loki smiled and nodded as Jane turned to head down to the lab. Sif shrugged, but then, she had always been one to see everything in absolutes, and when she made a decision, she made it with her whole self. To her, Thor had crossed a line. He had put Sif down, and perhaps, had Loki been there to be placed below her in the hierarchy as always, she would have still been able to believe in him, but not as it was.


	13. ᛒ Berkanan (Sustenance)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience with me over the last couple of weeks, I really appreciate everyone's kind messages as well! Writing was quite helpful whilst I was away, and now I'm back in the UK and back in my usual rhythms, I should be able to get back into my original posting schedule of every 4 days. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Berkanan also does mean 'Loki was fortunate in his deceit', which is very specific, I feel...
> 
> Please also excuse my abuse and deliberate misunderstanding of the laws of relativity and the space-time continuum. I do understand how time dilation works to some extent, and I can explain why time travels slower when you move at velocities near the speed of light with the aid of a graph, but I'm pretty sure most physicists are looking at this and groaning 'that's not how it works!' I know guys. Magic.

2 months later

Loki slammed his hands down on the table by his book, making Steve jump and nearly drop his own research. “I’ve got it!” He raced out of the room, straight down to the workshop, where Tony was talking to Jane and Brokk.

“I’ve got it!” he repeated.

“Got what, babe?”

“I know how we can absorb the effects of the time stone, it’s so _simple_ , I don’t know how I could have missed it! All we have to do is form a large pocket dimension in the centre of the device. They usually create a space where there is none, but the material is formed from a distorted area of the space-time continuum, so with very little modification they will accept distortions in time instead.” He grinned at their blank faces, then realised that he probably looked somewhat manic. “What do you think?”

“You distort part of the space-time continuum to store your _stuff?_ ” said Jane incredulously. 

Sif snorted from the other side of the room where she, Clint and Rocket were sketching out schematics for weaponry. “There is the Loki we all know, breaking all the rules.”

“I do not _break_ rules, Sif,” he sniffed, “I simply interpret them creatively. In fact, it was your comments that gave me the idea. I have been reminding myself of the laws of quantum physics and thermodynamics, but it was relativity that gave me the idea in the end.”

“Right,” said Tony, sounding slightly glazed, “so what do we do? How do we make a freaking pocket dimension?”

“You will not. I will make one, using my magic.”

“Now, wait, hold on,” Clint frowned. “Not to sound like I’m doubting your skills, but you’re Thanos’ main target. If you get taken out early on, shit, even if you just get a bang to the head, nobody else has a chance. We need something portable, that can be worked by anyone, so we’re not putting all our eggs in one basket.”

“He’s got a point,” said Jane. “That sounds like it’ll be a great idea, but we can’t rely on just that, we need to make something else, too.”

“Very well,” he said slowly, thinking through calculations. “I think…if you can modify the housing of your device to use uru, I should be able to transfer the magic into the mechanism. Uru is an excellent conduit for magical energy, and with Brokk’s experience working that material I will be able to create a mechanical switch for the device so someone with no magic can activate it.”

“Well, what are we waiting for, let’s make one for everyone.”

“There is a problem with that,” said Brokk. “Uru is rare, formed only in the very heart of a collapsing star, and harvested before it forms a black hole. We have enough to make one, perhaps two, if the amount of magical energy to be contained is as large as I think it will be. I will need to see your calculations.”

“Then I suppose I shall need to make them,” griped Loki.

“What are you basing all of this on, then, if you haven’t got any calculations?” asked Jane.

“Instinct,” he replied with a shrug. “I know what will work, and in what quantities, because I have several hundred years of experience, but to explain it will take more time, because I need to work backwards to make it comprehensible to yourselves. It is not an insult,” he said quickly, seeing her and Tony frown. “It’s like…imagine trying to explain trigonometry to a child, when they have not yet had the _time_ to learn about things like angles, graphs or multiplication.”

“Ah.”

He nodded. “And on top of that, to absorb the huge times that will probably be involved, I will need to create a much larger pocket dimension than usual.”

“You will probably need help, loathe as you are to admit it,” said Brokk.

“I have gown up somewhat, Brokk,” he said, and pretended that he didn’t sound so whiny. “I do know how to ask for assistance.”

Clint and Tony snorted, and he glared at them. Brokk just smirked.

“Very well,” he huffed. “I shall ask Angrboda to help me.”

“Good idea,” Clint nodded. “Want me to pop over and ask her round?”

Loki nodded, and Clint saved his work and trotted upstairs to the stable portal room. Loki had formed two a month ago, one to Clint’s house, and one to Angrboda’s, so he did not need to be called on every time someone wanted to travel. They were designed to only be opened in the presence of a certain level of maturity, which meant that Cooper and the triplets could open it, but Clint and Tony were excluded on days when they started pranking each other. The latter had not been intentional in the design, but Loki did find it very amusing.

The glass sliding doors to the pool area opened and two wet children raced in to slam against Loki’s legs. “Modir!” yelled Vali. “I missed you!”

“I have only been upstairs,” he laughed. 

“I love you sooo much in the whole wide world.”

“You’re the best Modir ever!”

Jane laughed. “Sounds to me like they want something.”

Loki shrugged and stroked their wet heads. Neither child had developed quite that level of guile yet, unless what they wanted from such flattery was time and cuddles, and right now, he was quite willing to give in to their desires. He sat down against the wall and let them squirm onto his lap, soaking through his jeans. “What have you been doing today?”

“Jor turned into a giant snake and took us for a ride in the pool,” said Narfi.

“I found a fussil,” said Vali, holding out an oval stone. 

Loki nodded. “What sort of creature do you think that fossil was from?”

“Uh…an iguanodon.”

“No!” laughed Narfi. “Iguanodons are much bigger than that.”

“Do you guys know lots of dinosaurs?” Jane asked, sitting on the steps to drink her coffee. They both nodded. “What’s your favourite?”

“I like Tyranosaurus,” said Narfi, his hands waving and backside bouncing up and down on Loki’s lap in excitement. “But Modir’s favourite is Triceratops. It’s called Triceratops because it has three horns and tri means three. What's the name for horn again, Modir?”

“Ceros.”

“And I like Iguanodon,” Vali shouted, not to be outdone.

“That’s the thumbs-up dinosaur,” Narfi nodded knowingly. “Whats your favourite dinosaur, Jane?”

“I don’t know, I was never really into dinosaurs.”

“What’s that little one?” Tony asked. “Small and scrappy, like the size of a chicken? Coelophysis, right? I like that one.”

“I can’t think why,” Loki teased.

“Did you know,” said Narfi, sensing a captive audience and leaning closer to Jane, “that Archaeopteryx was the first bird? You can see feathers in its fossils.”

“I don’t think I did know that,” she said, eyebrows raised. “You know a lot of dinosaur names. I don’t think most kids your age can even pronounce Archaeopteryx.”

Loki laughed. “You are in a room full of geniuses. Think about all of us at their age, and then wonder whether these children have any other option but to be exceptional.”

She laughed. “I guess so. Come to think of it, I knew dozens of constellations when I was Narfi’s age. Well, the human equivalent.”

“And that is all the more impressive, as Narfi will be this age for almost thirty years. Aesir - and Jotun - children have more time to follow their interests and become expert.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose you guys would like to learn about stars?”

“Yeah!” Narfi yelled, jumping up, Vali following quickly behind. 

Jane looked delighted. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had this much enthusiasm about learning something, even from grad students, who choose to dedicate their life to stars.”

Tony smiled fondly at them. “If you ever want to rediscover your love for something, just teach those two about it for a bit.”

“Can you teach us about stars, can you, can you?”

“Double please?” Vali put her little hands together under her chin and widened her eyes.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Saying double please does not make you more likely to get something. You are not a cartoon character. She has picked that up from an extremely annoying TV show, I’m afraid,” he explained to Jane. “I might have to ban it from their playlist.”

She laughed and held her hands out to the kids, leading them over to a holo screen to bring up a star map, and started teaching them about the constellations.

Loki stood, magicking his jeans dry, and slotted himself behind Tony, resting his chin on his shoulder. “How are you doing?”

“Not bad.” He brought up a schematic for a disc shaped object, turning it in the air in front of them. “Just not very fast. We’ve been running into a lot of problems with the simulations. And it took us way too long to enter all of Brokk’s data into the system to create the simulations in the first place, so, yeah, time’s the problem as always.”

“With the addition of Loki’s magic we may be able to make greater steps,” said Brokk from the keyboard where she was entering some of the properties of uru into the system for JARVIS to convert into code. “We will have to have those calculations of yours, as I am not quite as well versed in the laws of magic.”

“That is probably because the laws change from person to person. Magic is a product of will, and based on belief, so while my magic works on the specifics of a word, or rather, the lack of specificity around a word, another person’s will work on vocal inflection or rhythm of thought.”

“That sounds annoyingly esoteric.”

Loki shrugged. “It works, though. Angrboda’s magic and mine are quite complimentary, as we both use language as the foundation of intent. That is why Sif says I break the rules. I do not, in fact. I simply use the inexactitudes of language to form spaces around the rules and bend them to my will.”

“That is why I call you Liesmith,” added Brokk.

“I rarely lie,” he said. “I only resort to lying when I am unable to concentrate and think of a more effective truth to use. I use my words very carefully, and if people believe what I want them to, well, that is their own problem for not paying attention, however, the name has stuck, thank you very much.”

“There is a young rune in our language,” said Brokk, leaning closer to Tony. “As well as representing a phoneme, our runes also carry meaning and stories, and this particular rune, Berkanan, means ‘Loki was fortunate in his deceit’.”

Tony laughed. “You’re going to have to show me how to draw that, then,” he said.

“It is also the first rune in Brokk’s name,” Loki teased. “And symbolises sustenance.”

“Sounds like a good rune all round,” said Tony. “Sounds like a good name for the device, too.”

Brokk leaned over and with her finger, drew the rune on the outside of the device schematic. The three stepped back and considered it. “Yeah,” said Tony. “That looks right.”

***

The months continued in a buzz of activity. Angrboda and spent much of her time in the mansion, locked up in a study with Loki while they wove their russet and green strands of magic together to create a vast pocket dimension before staggering out, drained, to eat their weight in whatever dinner Sam or Peter or Laura had produced that day. The effect of Angrboda’s earthy magic gave the bulge of space-time a basket-like appearance that Loki became quite fond of. It was more rustic than the creations he was used to forming, and it wrapped around the curved metallic form of his own magic, using it as her scaffold and foundations.

The children were delighted with all the company, and while Loki often felt a pang of guilt that he wasn’t spending as much time with them as he should, he was happy that they were surrounded by so many people. When one person needed to get one with a task, there was always someone else willing to take over childminding duties. Jor and Fenrir were both staying at the mansion with Angrboda, while Hela was visiting with the Lady Death, as she was obliged - and happy - to do every year. But Loki surprised everyone, himself included, when he called Laura Barton one day to ask her to take the children while they ran some tests on the latest mock-up of the Berkanan device. It wasn’t until he put the phone down that he realised what he had done, and he stared at his hand on the mobile. 

“There you go, Lokes,” said Clint, and Loki turned to see his friend leaning against the door jamb. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He smiled and shook his head. “You have turned me into a trusting fool, Barton.”

“Not a fool,” he said. “You’ve just learned who you _can_ trust.”

***

Hela arrived while Loki and Angrboda were imbuing the uru with the magic that connected to the pocket dimension. It was less of a pocket, though, more of a suitcase, and they had both been shaking and exhausted the last couple of weeks, and glad to get to the end of the first device.

“Modir,” said Hela, embracing Angrboda. “I bring news, and gifts from the Lady herself.”

“Gifts,” she asked sharply. “How can that be possible?”

Hela looked serious. “I bring a history from the Lady Death, regarding the origins of the Mad Titan. The knowledge may be of little use, but it cannot hurt to know something of his motivations.”

They gathered in the living room, the sun glinting off the lake outside in juxtaposition to the serious faces within. Loki folded his body to the floor by the armchair so he was sitting between Tony’s knees. Angrboda and her boys took the sofa, Clint, Brokk and Jane sat on various seats around them.

“I told the Lady of your quest to battle Thanos, of the threat he bears both to Midgard and the Nine Realms in general and to your children in particular,” she gestured to Loki. “I knew she would be concerned, she draws no pleasure from the swelling of her ranks, but I did not expect her to be so distraught. She told me perhaps it was time to talk of her history.

“Thanos was once, many millennia ago, a mortal being, as long lived as a Jotun. He was a scholar, talented at magic, and fascinated by the extension of life. He was constantly experimenting with spells and elixirs that would allow a person to live longer, believing that if he could perfect the formula to immortality it would be the end to war and famine and cruelty, because a longer life is a more valuable one. His name was Balder, and he was married to a woman called Nanna. They were deeply in love, adored each other. But Nanna died young, of a chronic wasting disease. When Balder, in his grief, tried to follow her into death, he found that he could not. He had discovered the cure to mortality at the worst possible time

“His grief drove him mad, and he was distraught at the possibility that Nanna was alone in the realm of the dead. He murdered her parents first.”

“What the fuck?” gasped Jane.

Hela nodded at her, taking a deep breath. “When they came to Nanna in the afterlife, they were shocked. They said that he had smiled at them as he killed them, certain that they would be happy to be with their daughter, sending his love with them. But they were not the last. As the years went on, he sent more and more people to her, gifts to his lover. When he ran out of people who knew her, he started on others.”

Loki closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Tony’s leg, focusing on the feel of his fingers through his hair. He could empathise with Balder’s grief, imagining the horror of watching Tony die, and then, no matter how much later, watching his children go too. The fact that he could understand _Thanos’_ point of view, of all people, was just as horrifying.

“Eventually,” Hela continued, “he became jealous of those he murdered. He did not stop killing, that in itself had become a compulsion of sorts. But he was angry as he killed, screaming in fury as their lives slipped away, because they would be with Nanna as he could not. So many souls were sent to the afterworld in her name that she was named the Lady Death, and a land without a leader began to worship her as a god.

“Balder took on the name Thanos, and around the time of the first human civilisations, about twelve or thirteen millennia ago, he approached Midgard for the first time. The leaders of the other realms joined forces and marched to war. They had originally hoped to destroy him, and no doubt he wished for that as well, but the best that they could do was hurl him to the other side of the universe. He has been making his way back ever since.”

“Why?” asked Tony. “Why here?”

“The people of Yggdrasil came the closest to killing him. The Lady is not sure whether he is angry or impressed, but either way he comes to destroy us, or claim his own destruction.”

“I vote for the latter,” said Clint, his hand in the air like a schoolchild.

“You mentioned a gift,” said Angrboda.

Hela nodded and held out a ring embedded with a glowing yellow stone. “Her wedding ring. The Lady has hoped for all these years that his soul can be redeemed, that he could still be the man that she loved, but on hearing about Gamora and Nebula, of what he has done to Loki, and what he intends for the children, she says she must see reason. She wants us to return it to him, make him see how his actions have destroyed her love for him.”

“Are we sure pissing him off is the right way to go about this?” Clint asked, one eyebrow raised.

Tony snorted. “Seriously? You think we can make the situation _worse?”_

Clint shrugged, and Angrboda nodded. “Anger can breed poor decisions. If we can distract him, it may be possible to get under his defences, to unleash the effects of the time gem stored in the pocket dimension, and perhaps hurl him back or forward in time. Being immortal, it may have no effect, as ageing him will do little, but it is the best chance we have.”

“Wait,” said Loki, frowning into empty space. “We may be able to do better than that.” He turned to Clint. “Where are those arrows you and Jor were making? The wooden ones, especially that one out of mistletoe?”

“Back on the farm, why?”

“Mistletoe for binding,” said Jor, snapping his fingers at Loki, his eyes widening.

Loki nodded. “If we combine the ring with the arrow, the intent of the Lady Death’s anger, then perhaps we can bind him to her will.”

“We can embed it into the wood,” said Jor, leaping up and snatching the ring from his sister. “If we add a little extra weight to the fletch end I’m sure it will fly true, and we can embed the spell into the wood and this yellow gem.” He squinted at it. “It contains its own power, I think, but it seems to be contained behind a shield, I cannot touch it.” He handed it to Loki.

“You’re right,” he said. “There is something here, but I cannot tell what.” He handed it along to Angrboda.

“Rings of all sorts have power, because they represent infinity,” she said, running her fingers over the stone. “And this, having been the symbol of a marriage so tragically warped, will have absorbed a certain amount of that intent. I do not think it will interfere with the spell, in fact, we may be able to fuse the spell with it.”

“Can we kill him with it, do you think?” asked Jane.

“I think it would be best to focus on binding him to do no harm,” she said, shaking her head. “Even with powerful magic, we would still be going head to head with his immortality. It would be like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, and the fallout could be catastrophic. Hitting him at an angle, working _with_ his power rather than against it, will be much more reliable, if not as permanently effective as death itself.”

“Permanent or not,” said Tony. “At least this gives us a chance.”


	14. ᚱ Raidho (Journey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be the start of the big battle, but then I realised they've got to actually GET to the battleground. And then Loki seduced Tony, so, you know...next chapter!

The nightmare began one hot morning in the middle of June. The children were playing in the garden, collecting seeds and plants and handfuls of grit to make concoctions which they brought to various adults, claiming that they were medicine for coughs and hay fever. “This one is for sore muscles,” said Narfi, handing Sif a cup of orange juice with pollen and tea leaves floating in it.

“Thank you,” said Sif, frowning slightly at the cup. The little boy stood there with an expectant smile and she brought it to her lips reluctantly. 

“It’s OK,” he whispered loudly, leaning towards her. “Just pretend drink it.”

She pretended to sip. “Delicious. I feel better already.”

He took the cup back and trotted off to his sister. “Vali, did you use all of those blue flowers? They were mine, I collected them!”

“Yes,” she replied, scattering them in her concoction. 

“That’s not nice,” Narfi snapped, stamping his foot slightly. “Don’t do that.”

Vali ignored him, and Narfi made a high pitched growling noise in his throat, stomping off to Loki, who was taking a break from spell casting to drink a cup of tea. “Vali stole my flowers,” whined Narfi.

Loki bent down to his level and kissed his head. “Vali, do you know you upset your brother?”

“Yes.”

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“No,” she said, looking up and pausing in her stirring. “Of course I didn’t.”

“Did you hear it when Narfi was angry?”

“Yes.”

“Then you acknowledge him, please. What do you say when you hurt someone’s feelings?”

“Sorry, Narfi.”

“That’s OK,” he sniffled, still leaning on Loki’s shoulder.

“Is that better, Narfi?” asked Loki.

The little boy nodded and nuzzled in Loki’s neck for a while before wandering off to pick more blue flowers.

“I like the way you do that,” said Jane, and he turned his head to see her standing in the doorway. “You explain what they’re doing wrong. It would be much easier for you to just tell Vali to say sorry, but you made her understand why she has to.” She shrugged. “It’s good.”

Loki blinked at her for a moment. “Thank you.” He felt almost shy, like he wanted to squirm and laugh it off.

She nodded, still staring off over the lake. “I never asked why you sent that robot thing.”

He sighed. “I am sorry for that.”

“Still, I want to know why.”

“I did not mean to kill him. I know everyone thinks that. I just wanted time. I knew if he came back to Asgard he would…he would have killed me.”

“You can’t know that.”

“If he found out the truth of what I am he would have.”

“What are you?”

“A Frost Giant.”

“You mean like Angrboda and the triplets? What’s wrong with that?”

“Have you noticed that Sif and Volstagg keep their distance from the family? The Aesir and Jotnar are mortal enemies. I found out that I was taken as a baby into Odin’s family, at the end of a vicious war between the two, and it had been kept secret. I always wondered why I was so much…less than Thor.”

She was quiet for a long time. “Your family is really fucked up, Loki.”

He nodded. “But they are not my family any longer,” he reminded her. “I am a Stark now.”

She sat next to him on the doorstep and they watched the children bicker and play together for a while, the waves hushing on the stones below. “I’d like to go see him,” she said. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re the only one I can turn to. After this is all over, if we’re not all dead, I’d like to go see him for myself.”

“Why?” he said. “If you don’t mind me asking. What do you hope to achieve?”

“Nothing at all,” she replied. “You can’t convince a person to love you enough, no matter how much you love them. But I want to hear it from him that I’m not good enough. I want him to tell me to my face. And I want…I want him to say something that proves that it really is him, not some impostor. Sorry, that sounds crazy, I—“

“No, it’s not,” he said.

“It’s just, it doesn’t sound like him, that xenophobia. That’s more Odin’s bag. It just sounds like a bit of an invasion of the bodysnatchers, you know?”

“I do not recognise the reference, but for someone to take his face with magic would not be difficult, not for a powerful sorcerer.” He nodded. “If we both survive this, I will take you to Asgard to investigate.”  
“Thanks, Loki.”

Then there was a thundering of feet across the wooden floor and Tony and Clint burst out. “Fury just got the call from NASA. Spaceships just passed through the Kuiper belt.”

“Shit,” Jane said, scrambling to her feet. “He’s early.”

Loki couldn’t move. He stared at his children, singing ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ as they pushed their way through the long grass, and he saw the flames of hell surround them.

“Loki.” Tony shook his shoulder, his voice coming from a long way away. “Babe, we’ve gotta get the kids to Jotunheim now. C’mon, Lokes, get up, OK?”

He stood on shaking legs, unable to take his eyes off Vali and Narfi. He wanted to cling to them, to run and run for the rest of his miserable existence, and never let them go, but to do so would be to delay the inevitable. He nodded and pretended he couldn’t feel his hands trembling against his thighs. “Children, come.”

They bounced over to him and he bent down to face them, committing their faces to memory. He never wanted to see them without this light in their eyes. He never wanted them to look upon Thanos and lose their innocence. “We have to go away for a few days for work,” he said, squeezing their shoulders gently. “You will stay with Angrboda and the triplets, OK?”

“Can we have a sleepover?” asked Vali.

“Yes, you may.”

Narfi looked serious. “I’ll miss you, Modir.”

“I will miss you too.” He swallowed the lump building in his throat, grief or panic, it didn’t matter which. “But you be good for Angrboda and hopefully I won’t be too long.”

They both squeezed him tight, and he picked them up, one in each arm, to find Angrboda and her children waiting by the portal, looking just as worried as he felt. “I swear to you, I will keep them safe,” Angrboda whispered. She kissed the children on the head and sent them through with the triplets, holding Loki’s gaze, then Tony’s.

“What if Thanos gets past us?” Tony asked quietly.

“Then we shall leave Jotunheim. I can keep them hidden, you know I can, and as they grow they will learn to hide as well. No matter what happens, they will be safe.”

Loki nodded, pretending to accept her words, even though he knew as well as she did that there are no guarantees, especially not when it comes to immortal beings and infinity gems. Angrboda saw through his pretence and snatched him up in her arms, wrapping him tightly and pressing her cheek against his as his skin turned blue. He stiffened, then sank into her embrace, inhaling the safe irony earth smell of her dreadlocks.

“Be safe,” she said, pulling back and squeezing his shoulders. “All of you.”

She was gone in a blink, and Loki closed the portal, sealing it up as if it had never existed before allowing his tears to fall. Tony wrapped his arms around his waist and they held each other up for a moment, drawing strength from one another’s weakness.

“Loki,” called Sif, marching through the room with her armour creaking. “Your director wishes to speak with all of us. Gather your weapons and let us meet this creature in battle.”

Loki started to pull back, but Tony grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down, kissing him hard and deep. Loki sank his fingers into his hair and kissed him back. If it was the last kiss they ever had, he wanted it to carry all he felt for his husband.

“C’mon, Lokes,” he said, pulling back just far enough to rest their foreheads together. “Let’s go kill the bad guy and be back before dinner.”

Of course, it was not so simple, nor so quick. The group gathered in Tony’s workshop which doubled as a conference room and accepted Fury’s call, several other video links appearing small in the corner. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us. As you’ve been informed, Thanos has just passed the Kuiper belt, meaning he’s now in our Solar System, and we will be meeting him to kick him the hell out. Now. SHIELD, working in conjunction with Quill’s team have developed a number of hyperspace ships, and while not all of them are ready, and none of them are as perfect as we’d all like, they’ll get us into battle. F4 are meeting us there, Doom’s got his own army and a handful of ships, which is a fun fact for the future, if there is a future. The X-men and the Brotherhood have agreed to work together and have also developed their own vessels.”

Tony snorted. “I’m sure the Prof and Magneto found that a great hardship, being forced to work together.” He blew a kiss at the little screen where a silver haired man was rolling his eyes, but not looking too displeased. “Love conquers all, guys.”

“Not everyone fucks their villain, Stark,” grunted Fury. 

“Only the lucky ones,” Tony winked, and Loki pressed his hand over his husband’s mouth. Tony licked his hand, and he scrunched his nose up and wiped the spit off on his goatee.

Fury sensibly ignored them. “Everyone with a spaceship needs to get to the base ASAP for takeoff. Dr Foster, you’re navigator for the Defiant, with the Avengers, you report to Rogers, he’ll make your chain of command clear. Brokk, Sif and Volstagg, you’re on the Onslaught with our SHIELD team, God knows we could use a bit of extra muscle. Maria Hill is your commanding officer. You two Starks and Barton, you’re grounded until the ships get close enough to engage the Chitauri, which should take about twenty four hours, then we need you to zap yourselves to the rendezvous point and get Thanos’ attention. Split their focus. Loki, where are you boys basing yourselves?”

“Saturn’s moon, Titan.”

“Ha,” he snorted. “Very ironic, I’m sure. How do you plan to survive there?”

“Magic, director.”

“Whatever. As long as you guys kill the big bad, we’ll take care of the millions of littler ones. Try and keep them away from Titan, everyone. And try not to get into too much of a pissing contest with the other teams.” He leaned back on his chair and looked serious. “You all know this is probably a suicide run. You’re not stupid. But we are the first and last line of defence between the survival of our planet, and the annihilation of probably the whole universe. Make it count, guys.”

He flicked the switch, and they stood, staring at the blank screen for just that moment too long.

“OK,” said Steve. “Load up, guys. Dr Foster?”

She nodded, her eyes suddenly very wide, and looking like a young girl next to the captain, though she was probably older than him if you didn’t count time spent in the ice.

In moments, they were gone, leaving Clint, Tony and Loki standing in the echoing lab. “Right,” Clint said, clapping his hands. “I’m gonna go say goodbye to my kids. Pick me up when you get the call, right?”

Loki nodded, Tony clapped him on the back, and then they were gone.

“You want to go spend some more time with Vali and Narfi?” asked Tony, linking their hands together.

Loki shook his head, staring at the floor. “If I go to them now, I do not think I will be strong enough to pull myself away again.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, and pressed his forehead against Loki’s shoulder. “You OK?”

“No.”

“Me neither.”

They stood in silence for a long moment, then silently turned and started checking the equipment. “Is it finished?” Loki asked, stroking the housing.

He sighed, eyebrows raising. “It’s as finished as it’s gonna get in the time we have,” he hedged. He lifted the Berkanan device, careful not to dislodge the wires leading to a spare arc reactor. “This should amplify the effects of the pocket dimension, but it’s not like we’ve had the time to test it to destruction or anything.” He shrugged. “We’ll wing it. I always work better under pressure anyway.” 

“Where are you putting this arc reactor?”

“Just under my own, I made a space for it on the suit. The Berkanan clips onto my back.”

“I wish we had time to make another for Clint. I know he will be hidden at some distance from us, but—”

“It’s fine, Lokes. You’ll be cloaking both of us. We can’t do much more than that.”

“I know, I just…“ He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going for a swim.”

“OK, babe.”

The cold water held his attention while he swam up and down the pool, until the sky blackened and stars came out. He lay on his back and remembered the peaceful place near death, where the black was velvet around and above him, no glow of the lamp beneath the surface, no prickling of stars, no junction between water and air. He felt and heard the splash when Tony came to find him, and turned his head. His husband was sitting on the side of the pool, his jeans rolled up past his calves as he dangled his feet in the water. Loki rolled onto his front and swam between Tony’s knees.

“You’re getting me wet.”

“That is because I have been swimming.”

Tony’s lip twitched and he cupped Loki’s chin. “Better?”

He opened his mouth to make a sarcastic remark about ‘better’ being a relative term, but just nodded instead. He did feel calmer. He was resigned to his fate for the moment, whatever that might be, and he ran his wet hands over Tony’s thighs, reminding himself how lucky he was to have his partner here right now. He lifted himself out of the water slightly, just enough to reach Tony’s lips and kiss him, slow and deep.

“You really are wet now,” he said, his voice deepening as he felt arousal stirring low in his belly.

“Mmm. What are you going to do about it?”

In response he pulled Tony’s hips closer so his crotch was pressed against Loki’s chest, wrapped his arms around his back, and vanished both of their clothes. Tony yelped as his bare arse hit the cold stone, and then groaned as Loki lowered himself down into the water again, and curled his tongue around Tony’s thickening cock, licking it into his mouth. He felt him growing against his lips and his mouth watered as the smooth skin trembled against the rough of his tongue. Tony’s fingers tangled shakily in his wet hair and Loki dug his fingers into Tony’s waist, his thumb rubbing the bones of his hips and pulling him even closer.

“Fuck, Loki,” he gasped, fully hard now as Loki pulled away and back down on his cock, swallowing him to the hilt over and over, then swirling his tongue around the head before plunging down again. The currents of water caused by the pool pump stimulated his own erection and he moaned, sending vibrations through Tony’s body.

“S-stop, babe, I want - want to come with you inside me,” Tony gasped, pulling Loki’s hair back. Loki looked up and cupped Tony’s cheeks, pulling him down so he could kiss him, pass his own taste into his mouth. He wrapped his arms around his back and waist, then lifted him into the water, swimming backwards with him until he could stand. His fingers trailed down Tony’s crack, turning the water there thicker and slick as he pressed against his hole, the tip of his finger slipping inside and making Tony’s body undulate against his chest. Tony ground his own cock against Loki’s stomach, and reached down beneath his thighs to brush on Loki’s. Loki groaned and tipped his head back, giving Tony access to his neck as the tips of his fingers brushed up and down his length. He pressed his own finger deeper inside, then another, and stretched him, the water slopping against the side of the pool behind his back.

“C’mon, babe,” Tony breathed, sucking his earlobe in his mouth and biting gently. “I’m gonna fight this war with your come dripping out of me, because I’m yours, and you’re mine, and no asshole immortal’s going to tear us apart.”

Loki gasped like he’d been punched, his cock twitching at the image. He spun them around so Tony was pressed against the wall, and lined himself up against his hole, pressing into him, smooth and slow. Tony let out a long, heavy groan and clenched around him as he seated himself, kissing him hard and filthy. Loki had to press his face into Tony’s neck and just breathe for a moment, feeling the heat of Tony’s body like a brand around his cock, claiming him and marking him.

When he made the first thrust, Tony dug his fingernails in Loki’s back, pulling him closer, like they could crawl inside each others’ skin. He undulated his hips, running his fingers down the curve of Tony’s back until he could feel where they were joined, the stretch of Tony’s body around his own. “I love you, Tony,” he whispered, moving inside him, drawing out the breathy moans, watching how he bit his lower lip and closed his eyes in bliss. “I’m going to love you forever,” he swore, and it was the easiest oath he’d ever made, because nothing could have changed it. Tony smiled for a moment, meeting his eyes with naked love until the bliss made him lose control of his face and he couldn’t hold the smile any more. Loki pulled him away from the wall, cradling his body in one hand, his head in the other, and increased the pace. Tony’s legs wrapped around his hips, and he could feel the thigh muscles work as he matched Loki’s rhythm, lifting himself up and down to meet the impact.

The rising orgasm was slow, spreading like blood through his body, setting every nerve alight and his magic vibrating, expanding until he could feel the whole world through his skin. Tony had his own hand wrapped around his cock, squeezing and stroking and tugging in time with Loki’s thrusts, and he felt his body clench at the same time as he exploded into a million pieces, starbursts dancing behind his closed eyes, their cries mingling in the night air until they sank back against the wall, gasping for breath.

Tony was the first to move, his hands lazy as they ran up and down Loki’s ribs. Loki still had his face pressed against Tony’s collarbone and he mustered the energy to kiss him on the neck, licking off the sweat and chlorine.

“I love you, Loki,” Tony whispered, his fingers tugging the hair at the base of his neck.

“I love you, too.”

Loki could have cleaned them both up with magic. Instead, they showered together, silent and soft, then curled up together on the sofa, bodies wrapped close, either kissing or dozing or talking about nothing. When the call came at ten the following day, they were ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really bubbling at the mo. I finished another novel yesterday, written on paper because that's how I prefer to do it most of the time - ROE is an exception and it's been bugging me to be honest! So this new one's another FrostIron, but about half way through it actually mutated into an original work in my head...I finished the story as it was, but when I transcribe it I think I'm going to turn it into the original one that wants to crawl its way out! But because I'm a total attention whore and you guys all feed my ego so prettily, I'm also going to transcribe it as-is (with editing) and upload it here too! What do you think?
> 
> Also I've been neatening up a YA novel I wrote a couple of years ago and sending it out to publishers. It's based in Kenya, and having just been back there (under depressing circumstances but still!) I fell back in love with the story. So fingers crossed! You know, throw enough shite at the wall and some of it'll stick ;) I hope you like this chapter and it's not too filler? I wanted to build the suspense a little, but I'm not sure if I over-shot


	15. ᚼ Hagall (Ruin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sancta is _entirely_ to blame for the inappropriate giggles ;)

Loki felt guilty when Laura kissed him on the cheek, her tears damp against his skin as she waved them goodbye. Clint smiled at her until she faded and Titan’s landscape replaced his cosy kitchen, but Loki saw his jaw clenching, the tendons fluttering as the forces he put on his teeth became almost unbearable. 

He cast the magic to keep them safe in the hostile environment before they’d even noticed the cold. Jotunheim was one thing, but while his own planet of origin hovered ten to twenty degrees below the freezing point of water, Titan was a full two hundred degrees colder than the Earth. He and Clint wore rebreather tanks - the mostly-nitrogen atmosphere couldn’t kill Loki, but he didn’t fancy finding out how his painful healing treated asphyxiation, and in the low gravity the tanks barely weighed anything. He increased the density of their bones and muscles, though, so their weight felt roughly the same as it did on earth without having to wear extra masses. They didn’t have time to acclimate to the new conditions. They had to be able to focus completely on their fight. Tony had built a super-heavy suit instead, and his own internal life support had needed no modification, but Loki still surrounded him with a protective airtight spell, just in case.

Loki took a deep breath and squinted through the cloud to the ringed planet dominating the night sky. “You OK?” asked Clint, patting his shoulder.

Loki nodded. “As I can be.”

“We’ve got contact with Fury,” said Tony, relaying from JARVIS. “He says the first wave’s engaged the Chitauri.”

Loki tried not to notice that his breath was coming faster, and blew a few long gusts of air out slowly through pursed lips, trying to get himself back under control. 

“You still up for this?”

“I have to be,” he said. “Don’t talk to me right now. If anyone is nice to me, I might break.”

“Healthy, Loki,” snorted Clint. “Right, zap us with your invisibility spell and I’ll be over there on that ridge.”

“We should be well away from any methane lakes, but if you see what looks like standing water, please notify each other. We will need to keep firepower away from it. I do not know if the Iron Man weaponry will be hot enough to compensate for the low temperatures and take it above its ignition point, but it would be better to avoid any extra drama.”

“Although,” said Tony thoughtfully, “that would be pretty damn cool to see. The water produced by the combustion of the methane would freeze instantly, it’d be like fire making snow.”

“Should we survive this experience, I will bring you and the children back here for a field trip, but this time round, you may find that you miss the show.” He cloaked the two humans from any detection as best as he could, but he had a sneaking suspicion, as much as he hated to admit his own inadequacy in magic, that Thanos was probably stronger than he, and certainly much more experienced. He could only do so much, he reminded himself, and his husband and friend were powerful in their own ways.

“You ready?” Tony’s voice sounded directly into his ear and he took one last deep breath and nodded.

The taint Thanos had left in his mind still remained, and although it made him shudder to touch it, Loki followed the trail. He clenched his fists and grit his teeth, and when he felt Tony’s fingers brush the back of his hand he flinched and pulled back, physically and mentally.

“Sorry, babe. Just thought you could have used a bit of moral support.”

“It’s…it’s fine, I…” he took a deep breath. “It is there, I just need to follow the mental pathways, like a memory, and it will lead back to him.”

Tony’s fingers, the metal retraced from them, linked with his own and squeezed. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Really? Tony Stark is asking if I want to talk about my feelings?” he teased, feeling the weight on his chest ease with the gentle banter.

“Well, they say it helps, I dunno, never tried it.”

He chuckled and squeezed Tony’s hand back, drawing strength from him as he approached the trail again. He felt his hand clenching and Tony’s breath catch as he squeezed his hand too tight, and let go before he hurt him. “Sorry. It’s just…it feels rough, like scar tissue. Something that should never be used again. And that’s without remembering what I will find at the end.”

Tony was quiet for a moment, then he leaned forwards and whispered in his ear, “we both know you’re good at easing a tight passage, Lokes.”

Loki’s eyes widened in shock, and he doubled over laughing so hard he could barely hear Clint’s protests. “I can fucking _hear_ you two, you know that? Jesus H. Christ! Get your fucking minds out of the gutter.”

“I got three words for you, Birdbrain. Magic. Water. Lube.”

“The fuck does that even _mean_ , Stark? My fucking brain just melted here, what the actual…just…no, don’t even answer that, oh my god.”

Loki could hardly breathe he was laughing so hard, his face flushed a probably very unattractive blotchy red with both embarrassment and glee that he had found the only person in the entire universe that could make _more_ inappropriate jokes before a battle than him. At last he wiped the tears off his face and straightened up, still bursting out with giggles every few moments, and shook his head. “You are ridiculous.”

“Feel better?”

“Norns, yes.”

“Go on then babe,” said Tony, and Loki couldn’t see him but he knew those eyebrows were waggling like a lascivious cartoon character. “Lube it up, magic fingers.”

Of course that meant another five wasted minutes while Loki doubled over giggling again, and even Clint sounded as though he was fighting a smile while he insulted their maturity levels, but once Loki managed to refocus and approach the trail again, he found himself determined rather than petrified. He took a few deep breaths, preparing for the pain and panic, and let the pathway open.

Immediately he felt like he had been grabbed by his throat and hurled to the other side of the universe, torn through the fabric of space-time and shaken. Against the howling hurricane winds of rage and hate he allowed one message to slip - _I have something for you_ \- before he hauled himself back, and resealed the trail. And if his location had ‘accidentally’ travelled through with the message, so be it. He gulped air and was almost surprised to find himself on his knees, a drip, drip of blood from his nose that flared green with pain as it healed. The ringing in his ears resolved itself into Clint and Tony’s panicked voices.

“Shit, are you OK? Loki, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” he replied, and his voice came out as a croak, as if he’d been screaming. “How long—“

“Only a couple of minutes,” Clint said, his voice steady but with a thread of worry seeping through.

“Fucking felt like a couple of hours to me,” Tony snapped back.

“That’s cos he was screaming for the whole of it.”

“Ya think?”

“I am fine,” Loki assured them, staggering to his feet. He felt like he’d just snorted cayenne pepper, and blinked violently to regain his equilibrium.

He felt rather than heard the approach, a sub-sonic rumbling deep in his bones. The two mortals fell silent when the enemy appeared in a glare of purple and black.

Loki felt every nerve ending scream, a blaze of adrenaline rushing through his blood as the Mad Titan materialised in front of him with a vicious smirk, the orange glow of the Time Gem’s magic fading. Around him crouched a platoon of Chitauri, and as Thanos’ white teeth glinted between his grinning lips, they pounced.

Loki did not waste time on thought. He let the adrenaline take control, flying into battle with his knives whirling, long and bent backwards along his forearm, or short and spinning end over end into chitinous throats. He ducked and weaved, kicked and lashed out, his eyes spotting every move as he turned and twirled and stabbed and slashed.

At last he stood unopposed in a field of ichor and bodies, nothing between him and his greatest enemy. With a swooping sickness in his gut he remembered his incarceration. How they would allow him to escape and send the soldiers after him, cannon fodder, just low enough numbers to give him a glimmer of hope, to allow him to get further each time. And then more would appear over the horizon, and more, and he would be overwhelmed, overrun, and flattened beneath the weight of bodies which tore at his flesh and dragged bones from their sockets. Sometimes he would still be conscious when they heaved his limp body, paralysed, back to the torture chamber.

He forced the bile back down his throat and scanned the horizon. There were no reinforcements this time, and he forced himself to believe that this was because Thanos was spreading himself too thin, pushing himself into a battle against a foe he had underestimated, making poor decisions in his anger. He straightened up and looked his nightmare in the eye as it laughed at him.

“You said you had a gift for me, Godling. I see you did not appreciate my gift in return?” he tutted. “I thought you would enjoy the nostalgia.”

Loki swallowed again and stood straight backed and arrogant. “I bear a message, more than a gift,” he said. “From your Lady Death.”

Thanos laughed, long and insane, and the skin of Loki’s back squirmed as if it were trying to escape him. “For one they call the Liesmith, you are quite terrible at it. Have you not yet realised your punishment, little God? You and I are alike, you can no more die than I. Try again.”

“I have not seen her myself, I admit,” he said, and was so proud of himself for holding his voice steady. “She has sent word with a messenger. She implores you to stop.”

Thanos threw his head back and laughed again, and there was no humour in it. Loki wondered, under his terror, how long it had been since he had felt joy, what his voice sounded like when he laughed truly.

“Can you not see?” he asked, his voice more gentle than he’d intended or thought possible faced with Thanos. “How can this possibly end well? You started this for the love of her, so that she would not be lonely in the land of the dead, but she does not want this. I know…I know what it will be like. I know I will have to see my husband die, my children, and I know I will never be able to follow them, and I know that it will drive me insane one day. But they would not want this. She never wanted this from you, Balder.”

“You know?” Thanks choked, his voice high with hysterics. “You think you _know_ what this is? You presume to know from your droplet of infinity, your dilute taste of this hell that you understand what led me to this point? You call me Balder as if you know? Well then. You shall know.”

He held out both hands, palm out, and Loki saw the orange light unfold across the distance in an instant, the magic of the Time Gem hitting him full force in the chest before he had a chance to even flinch, let alone twist his hands to open his own pocket universe to absorb the effects, and yet his mind still managed the snide comment, _well, that was a waste of months of preparation._

At first it was as if nothing had happened. Then he turned his head and saw Tony beside him, that half smile of his deepening, the wrinkles curling into his tanned skin. His hair whitened, thinned and fell back. And then, he was gone.

On the other side of him, his children grew, passing into puberty and middle age just beyond the reach of his imploring arms, then fluttering the wings of their short lives and they were gone like Tony. 

He felt his blood drain from his heart, the air punched from his lungs, the grief weighing down on him like tonnes of centuries and the ache of solitude, time flickering past so fast he could not even reach out one hand to take hold of an instant. No matter how long lived, no matter how powerful or strong or peaceful the regime, all changed and he was left alone again and again and again. No matter how much he loved, they all left and Loki existed alone. He felt every instant, every day of grief and loneliness, and yet he could not call a pause on any moment to savour it as his endless arrow of time stretched on ahead, tearing his sanity away, then his heart and any ability to care, leaving him a hollow unspeakable wreck who forgot even the vows he had made to love one memory as a constant, and Loki looked down and saw himself as Thanos, just him and Thanos alone, battling in perpetual hatred at the heat death of the universe.

The millennia, millions of millennia passed before Loki’s eyes and left him unchanged and yet unrecognisable, a shell of a creature that couldn’t die. All that was left was hate and abandonment and anger, and yet there was an echo deep in the past, deep in his chest, no, just behind one ear, just moving in front of him and

Loki _gasped_ for air and fell back, back into himself and the moment Thanos first hit him with the full force of the Time Gem. He landed hard on the ground, lungs jolted into movement, and sound roared back around his ears. He looked up. 

Standing in his place, on guard above him, Tony held out the Berkanan device, a vortex of gravity roaring and sucking the lashing orange magic into the massive pocket universe. Most of it. Loki’s eyes widened as tendrils escaped and curled around his body, leaving streaks of ancient oxidation on the unreactive alloy of the Iron Man suit. 

“Now, Clint!” Tony screamed, his arms shaking, and Loki leaped forward to catch him, to take his place, anything, because he could hear the trembling in his voice, the age weakening his muscles. 

The bowstring’s twang sounded in Loki’s ear where he had connected Clint’s communication spell. The arrow whipped past them, Loki, Jor and Angrboda’s magic clearly visible around it, but also highlighted with a yellow that grew in intensity.

As Tony’s arms fell, Loki caught him. The arrow struck through the Time Gem, piercing it to orange shards, hurling past and into Thanos’ chest where it exploded with a whipping and slashing of yellow magic, hurling pieces of stone and wood into them and throwing them backwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ducks and runs for cover*
> 
> Sorry? 
> 
> I SWEAR I'LL GIVE YOU THAT HAPPY ENDING, I SWEAR!


	16. ᚲ Kaunan (Mortality)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go...I hope this one works out OK, please let me know! ConCrit is more than welcome!

Loki struggled up, brushing debris off his chest and shaking his head to dispel the ringing in his ears from the explosion. As soon as he got his bearings he scrambled to his hands and knees and raced over to Tony’s prone form, eyes widening when he saw the cracks in the arc reactor, the chunks of orange gem embedded in the centre and bleeding through the blue glow. The Berkanan device lay beside him, smoking, and its reactor was completely dark, so he couldn’t simply exchange them.

With trembling hands he pressed the release on the Iron Man helmet and cried out with relief when he saw his eyelids flutter. “Tony! Can you hear me?”

“Loki?” His voice was wavering and weak, an old man’s voice. His skin was wrinkled and liver-spotted with age. Not just a healthy eighth decade, but the grey translucency of a man close to death.

Loki forced a smile and cupped his face in his hands, bending low to kiss him, just a sort peck on his upper and lower lips so he didn’t stop him breathing at all. 

“It’s not good, is it?” he asked.

“We will fix this, Tony.” He gathered his husband into his arms, moving him carefully as he felt his old bones and lax ligaments struggle to hold him steady. “We will get Clint, then transport you home.”

“Thanos—“

“I don’t care,” he said, and took a deep breath to pull back the anger and fear that sneaked out in his snapped reply. 

He heard running feet and looked up to see Clint race over to them, sliding to a stop on his knees. “Shit…Tones?”

“Hey there…Birdbrain.” Loki’s eyes snapped to him as he heard him struggle for breath.

“We need to get him back, hold my shoulder.”

At that moment the wind that had been picking up became a howling gale, rushing towards them from every side. No, not towards them - to the crater behind them where Thanos had been. Loki cradled Tony close, trying to shelter him from the dust and sand, and prayed that this was not Thanos re-forming himself.

Clint scrambled to the edge of the crater, peering down at the epicentre. “Barton!” snapped Loki, beckoning him back. They had no time for this, and he was putting himself in danger if Thanos was truly coming back.

“His body’s down here, that arrow—“

“Get _away_ , Clint, we must get Tony to safety.”

A figure appeared behind Clint’s bent form and Loki yelped wordlessly, his arm out and the little quantity of magic he had left pouring from him to wrap around his friend and pull him back to them. But it was not Thanos. 

A grey, insubstantial woman turned her face towards them, large eyes sad. As they watched, colour seeped into her face and clothes, until her robe shimmered with violet, and chocolate brown curls fluttered out from under her cowl. She bent her lips in a tiny smile, then turned back to the crater, holding out her hand, palm down. “Balder,” she said, her voice deep as the toll of funeral bells. 

A second amorphous cloud of grey mist rose slowly from the ground, resolving itself into a broad shouldered man, Aesir in appearance, his golden hair and skin bright. He stared at the lady as if he had come to his god to worship. “My Lady,” he said, his voice quavering and weak.

“Balder,” she said softly. “What have you done?”

“Nanna…” he fell to his knees at her feet, his shoulders trembling. “My Nanna…” His voice broke in shuddering sobs until he could no longer support himself on his hands, and he pressed his forehead to the ground, gasping for air he could not possibly have need of.

“Come now, Balder. Come and meet those you have sent to me.”

He struggled to his feet, still gulping tears. “How…?”

She held out her hand, which he clung to like a drowning man. “The topaz on my ring, husband. Every soul you killed in my name is bound to the symbol of our love. Balder, how could you? Could you not hear me begging you to stop?”

“I…” he shuddered and bowed his head, tears falling to the floor and dissipating before they had a chance to mark the dust at his feet.

“You created an infinity stone, you know? The Soul Stone.”

Loki gasped in realisation. “The magic in your ring? I could not access it.”

She nodded and turned to him. “I masked it. I did not want anyone else getting hold of it. Too much damage has already been done by these gems. Your binding spell, and Clint Barton’s prowess with his bow have shattered two of them, and for that I thank you. Time and Soul were enough to tear Thanos from his body, and bring Balder to me.”

“Then…then this is real? I am dead?” Balder asked, eyes feverish.

Nanna nodded. “And you have much to atone for, husband.”

He fell back to his knees and bowed his head to the ground at her feet, his body shaking but controlled. “Anything…anything you ask. As long as it is _over_ and I am near you, just to be able to see you…I will do anything, take any punishment.”

“You will atone,” she said firmly. “You will meet with every soul you have taken, make amends in any way you can. But know that you may not ever be able to make up for your sins to even one of them, and that is _their_ choice. Do you accept?”

“Anything,” he repeated, raising his face to her. “Just to have seen you this one time, I shall thrive on your voice, oh, my Lady, my one true love.”

“I shall visit you then, during your atonement. Every year, for one day only, for as long as it takes, and then, only when you have given your dues to every soul whose life you stole, will I be once again yours.”

“Thank you,” he sobbed. “Thank you so much, I am sorry, Nanna, I missed you…I missed you so much I could not bear it.”

“Hush, my love,” she said, her own voice wavering as she pulled his shoulders, lifting him up to stand and touching his cheek. He pressed his face into her palm with a gasp like she had stabbed him. 

“Well,” said Tony. “That’s nice. See Lokes? There’s…hope for us yet.”

Loki looked back down to his husband, white haired on his lap, and smiled through his tears. “Do not think I am letting you go so easily. I will have my decades more with you.”

“I dunno, babe,” he whispered, and to Loki’s horror his eyes fluttered shut.

“Tony!”

“S’okay, babe. Just…” he opened his eyes and strained to curl his lips up in a little smile. “Remember…I don’t want any company in…the afterlife, any more than Nanna did, ‘kay?”

“Tony, no, you’re not dying just yet. I just need to stand and we can return to the lab, collect your spare—“

“It’s not…the arc reactor, Loki. I can live…for days…without that. I’m just old.”

“No,” he shook his head, his vision blurring with tears and panic. “No, I do not accept it.”

“I love you,” Tony whispered, and his eyes fluttered shut.

“Tony! Tony!” Loki screamed, trying not to shake Tony back to life, when all he wanted to do was smack him for playing a cruel trick, pretending to die when it could not possibly be. He needed more time, he needed the decades he had been planning on to prepare for the grief that would follow. Because as it was, he could not contain it. 

He threw his head back, his husband limp and lifeless in his arms, and howled, the magic roaring out from him. Dimly he sensed Clint flinching, his arms coming up to cover his face, but the protection spell he had laid on him before held firm and the tendrils of fury bypassed him even as it boiled the sand below their feet to glass. He wanted to tear the universe apart, leave a monument to his lover in ruins that matched what was left of his own broken heart. 

They were calling his name, these creatures around him that claimed to care for him, but if they cared they would leave him alone to burn up the world. He turned his blurred gaze on the goddess of Death. “Bring him back…please…please let me have him back.” She looked speechlessly between him and Thanos, and how _dare_ she look to him when he had killed the only man who had ever loved Loki for himself? “Please!” he screamed, forcing all the air out of his lungs, as if it would take him along with Tony. 

Thanos spoke, soft words that jarred with Loki’s image of him. Just said “the Soul Stone,” like it was supposed to mean something to Loki. Like he wanted to hear _him_ when he knew he was destined to become him. If this grief did not break him here and now, he would be waiting to meet it again when his children were taken from him, and he could not bear it. Clint was scrambling around in the wreckage, swearing and yelling, and none of the sounds were getting through to Loki as he bent his head over his husband and let himself break. What was the point in anything else? Perhaps they would just let him stay here until he calcified. He would do less damage like that. He did not want to be another Thanos, not when he saw how much grief one man could wreak because he could not contain his own.

Clint shoved him out of the way suddenly, and Loki’s head jerked up. He was pressing something onto Tony’s chest, and Loki wanted to hurl him away, just let him grieve in peace, but he had turned to Loki and was _shaking_ him now, hands tight on his shoulders, rocking his head back and forth until his teeth clacked. “Loki, snap the fuck out of it!”

“Leave me alone.”

“You need to bind the Soul stone with these shards of Time stone in the arc reactor, come on, this is fucking time dependent, you melodramatic asshole. Get on it!”

Loki’s head snapped up to Lady Death, hardly daring to seek confirmation. Was she truly giving him back?

She and Thanos - Balder - were becoming less corporeal again, their edges blurring, colours washing out. She stepped close to her ancient lover, her hand pressed on his chest, and nodded at Loki. 

He turned back to Tony, shoving Clint’s hands out of the way, his own fingers shaking on the yellow gem of Nanna’s wedding ring. He could feel its magic, released from its concealment, insinuate itself around them, blurring into the edges of their souls.

“What do I do?” he asked, but the ghosts were already fading. He held the panic at bay and took a deep breath, sending green tendrils into the yellow gem and knitting it together with the shards of orange Time Gem embedded in the arc reactor, allowing his magic to move intuitively, as he never did. He was always so precise, planned his spells with intent beforehand, but this time he gave it no guidance, simply sent the raw pleading of his heart for Tony to _live._


	17. ᚹ Wunjo (Joy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMFG I'm so emotional now this is over!
> 
> Errrr anyone fancy writing a fic where Loki takes Jane to meet Thor?!
> 
> A/N: I now have Tumblr because I need more procrastination in my life. I'm calling my kids Vali and Narfi on there just because of this fic (I don't use my kids' real names except on FB because of future privacy or something)... so please come and chat to me ^_^ I'm gold-from-straw.tumblr.com

The first thing Loki did after he had laid his husband gently onto their bed was collect his children. He probably should have left them with Angrboda a little longer, allowed himself to heal up before he exposed them to the aching wounds all over his mind and soul, but he could not bear to be parted from them any longer. He knelt on the wooden floor and held them tight, pressing his lips to first one and then another soft, chubby cheek. They quickly picked up on his mental state and squeezed him back tightly. Narfi’s huge eyes looked particularly concerned as he stroked him on the cheek and kissed both his eyelids. “Did you win, Modir?”

He hesitated. “Yes. It is over.”

“Where’s Tony?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. The arc reactor glowed golden now, and Tony’s heart beat once more, but he had not yet woken and Loki did not dare hope. “He was injured. You must both be very quiet when we return, we do not know when he will feel better, OK?”

They both nodded. “I’m going to draw him a picture to make him feel better,” said Vali with the kind of absolute faith only a child can have. 

He smiled at his children and held of their hands as he stood to thank Angrboda and the triplets. “I shall reform the portal soon,” he promised. 

“It will take some time before you realise that you no longer have to hide, I’m sure,” smiled Angrboda.

He nodded. “I am sure Asgard, Muspelheim and Svartalfheim will stop me from getting too complacent.”

Angrboda smirked at his pathetic excuse for levity and turned to the children. “Why don’t you go and say goodbye to the triplets?” she asked, and they ran to squeeze the teenagers around the waist. She put her hands on Loki’s shoulders and met his eye. “How is he, really?”

Loki took a deep breath and explained what he could about the last ditch attempt to bring Tony back. “I do not even know what I did,” he said. “My magic is precise, and I was so distressed I can barely remember exactly what it was doing.”

She nodded. “Take Hela with you now,” she said. “By her very existence she sits on the wall between life and death, if anyone can tell what more Tony needs it is her.” She leaned forwards to kiss Loki on the forehead and he allowed himself a moment hidden from his children to breathe unsteadily into her neck while she stroked his hair.

“Thank you, Angrboda,” he said. “For everything.”

She rolled her eyes fondly. “Fool. Hela,” she called over her shoulder, “you’re going with your Soul-Uncle.”

The girl’s eyes widened in interest, but she nodded and stepped forwards, lifting Vali onto her hip. 

“I will come too,” said Jor. “I left my woodworking tools there.”

Fenrir rolled his eyes. “Fine, but I would like it noted that I am beginning to feel left out here.”

“Poor darling,” said Angrboda. “I shall shape shift and run pack with you instead.”

“Whiny baby,” grunted Jor. Fenrir stuck his tongue out and winked.

Loki smiled at their antics, but knew how insipid it must look. He held out his hands for Narfi and Hela, made sure Jor had Narfi’s other hand, and stepped into his living room by Lake Ontario. “Jor,” he said softly. “Would you please keep the children entertained? There is something I need Hela’s help with and I do not want the little ones seeing until we are sure of Tony’s health.”

“What?” asked Narfi sharply, looking up at Loki with narrowed eyes.

“Nosey,” he said, but without heat. 

“What were you talking about though?”

“Perhaps I will tell you later, I cannot talk about it right now, OK? Would you two like to make get well cards for Tony?”

“Yeah!”

Hela followed Loki up the stairs to his bedroom in silence, for which he was desperately grateful. Right now he just felt like he wanted to curl up under the covers of his bed and sleep for centuries, leaving all the problems to someone else.

Clint was still sitting next to Tony, talking on the comm. “That was Fury,” he told them. “The ships are on their way back. They won, but there were some heavy losses in the SHIELD and X-men ships. A bit closer to home, Cap got his kneecap blown off, which is just…” he shuddered. “He’ll heal from that, what with the serum, but still, it’ll be months. Volstagg got some pretty bad burns, and Maria Hill’s in a medically induced coma. Just have to wait and see. No changes with Tony, I’m afraid.” 

Loki sat next to Tony and took his hand. “Is there anything you can tell us, Hela?”

The thin girl stepped onto the bed and sat cross legged right by Tony’s hip. She reached out to hold her hand above his face, then over his arc reactor. He eyebrows shot up. “You did this?”

Loki nodded, his heart beating faster. “Is everything OK?”

“Yes, it’s just…well, he may not look like much is happening on the outside but…what exactly did you do?”

“I do not know! My magic is almost never instinctive, it always works on very clear intent.”

“And what was your intent this time?”

He paused, looking at his husband and remembering the panic and cruel glimmer of hope. “For him to live.”

She nodded as if that made sense. 

“What?” snapped Loki. “What are you nodding at, what have I done?”

She raised one eyebrow, turning away from Tony for the first time to look him square in the eye. “You wove together shards of two infinity gems, Soul and Time, with the intent for him to live? Of course he will live! He will live as long as you do.”

The bottom dropped out of Loki’s stomach. “No…”

She shrugged. “It is what I see. His body is healing internally, his organs like those of a young man. Before long it will turn its power outwards and his appearance will begin to return. I expect he will appear around the same age as yourself when it is finished, and probably never look much different.”

Loki stood, knocking the chair over behind him and shaking his head. “This is not…I never meant for…I never meant to do _this_ to him, oh, Norns.”

“Loki, calm down.”

“How can I?” He could hear the hysteria in his voice, shrill and panicked as he realised what he had sentenced Tony to endure. “He will be unable to die, like me, cursed to live forever and watch all he loves wither and die.”

“Not all I love.”

Loki’s eyes snapped down to Tony’s form on the bed. His eyes were open, and as they watched, his body was bathed in a golden glow that almost hid him from view. When it receded the white hair and grey tone to his skin were gone, but not back to who he had been. His eyes were larger, framed with dark eyelashes and a softness to his cheeks. His beard was gone, leaving plump cupids bow lips. 

Loki put his hand to his mouth, torn between falling to his knees in apology for making him immortal, and howling with joy because it was worth it just to see those brown eyes open again. He staggered backwards, about to give in to his cowardice and just run somewhere, anywhere, when Tony grabbed his hand. “Hey, you OK, babe?”

“Tony,” he sobbed. “Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry.”

“What for?”

“I did to you what Thanos did to me, I never…I never meant to bring you into this hell, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey! Stop that.” Tony sat up, pulling Loki down onto the bed. Loki was vaguely aware of Clint pulling a protesting Hela out of the room, but panic was starting to close in on him, all the adrenaline and drama and anxiety of the last few hours pressing in on him from every angle, pushing the air out of his lungs.

Tony shifted closer, wrapping his arms around him, and he was so thin now, long swimmer’s muscles rather than the bulk he’d built up from being Iron Man. Loki clung to him, his face pressed into his shoulder, still whispering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Eventually his breathing slowed to something manageable and his body started to relax. Tony’s hand moved up and down his back and he rocked from side to side, calming him. “You OK?” Loki nodded, but didn’t move his face away from Tony’s neck. “OK. Now, mind telling me why you’re so upset I’m alive?”

“It’s not that at all,” he gasped, pulling back to stare, horrified at him. Tony just laughed and pulled him back.

“I was joking, I’m sorry, that was mean. But seriously, why?”

Loki squirmed for a moment, fighting off the wave of panic and grief. “I did to you what Thanos did to me. I have turned into him after all, cursing you to a life of watching all those around you die until you are left alone, always alone, oh Norns, Tony, I’m so sorry.”

Tony cupped his cheeks in both hands and pulled him back to look into his eyes. “Jeez, you must be really tired, babe. Because you’re missing the one major difference between those two situations.” He kissed him on the forehead, on the cheekbones, on the lips. “I’ve got you, and I get to keep you forever.”

When it dawned on Loki he was silent, staring at Tony for a long moment. Tony laughed at his expression. “C’mon. You need some sleep.” He pulled him down to the bed and covered them both in the duvet.

“You and I…”

“Uh-huh.”

“I will have you forever?”

“Yup.”

Loki rolled onto his elbows and looked at Tony in terror. “You will stay with me, won’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Tony, and pulled him close for a kiss. “Forever.”

***

When Loki woke again, cocooned in Tony’s arms, it was dark outside. The moonlight fluttered on the surface of the lake, casting a silver glow over Tony’s smooth skin.

“Hey,” he said, feeling Loki’s eyes on him and turning to look at him. Loki’s breath caught in his throat. His husband’s eyes had always captivated him, warm and humorous, and with his new youth they seemed to take up a disproportionate area of his face, drawing Loki in until he could drown in their love. Tony raised an eyebrow, and _there_ were those crinkles on his forehead. “Do I look that weird?” 

Loki shook his head. “Not weird, just…younger.”

Tony jumped out of bed and walked over to the full length mirror on the wardrobe. “Lights on twenty percent, JARVIS,” he said. Then “holy shit.”

He stood in silence before the mirror, turning his face this way and that. He stripped the Iron Man undershirt off, feeling around the now golden arc reactor, stretching out his arms and twisting to see his back. “Can’t even remember the last time I looked like this.” He snorted. “Probably because I was off my fucking face for most of my twenties and thirties. Jesus, look at that baby face.”

Loki slipped off the bed and padded over to him. He had been out of reach for quite long enough. He ran his hands down his arms, along his shoulders, across his back, following Tony’s earlier gaze and starting to explore this new body. “You look younger than me, I think.”

“I've always been younger than you.” He frowned in the mirror. “Is…is this gonna be a problem for you?”

“It’s still you,” said Loki, meeting his eyes in the mirror and wrapping his arms around Tony’s waist to pull him closer. “I am so glad to have you back,” he whispered.

Tony gave a half smile. “Pretty glad to be back. Shit,” he said, awed. “Forever with you. I never even dreamed…”

“You do not…you don’t think it’s too long?”

He shrugged. “You’re the God of Mischief, I’m a genius, I’m sure we’ll keep it fresh.” He put one hand up to stroke his cheek. “But babe…the kids…they’re still…”

“I know,” he said, breaking his gaze and resting his chin on Tony’s shoulder. They were silent for a while, weight shifting from foot to foot, almost rocking in each other’s arms. “I am trying to be optimistic,” admitted Loki.

“That’s new for you,” he teased.

“I know. It is somewhat influenced by finding out I will not spend my life alone,” he said, pinching Tony on the hip, who giggled ridiculously.

“Go on then. What’s your plan.”

“No plan,” he said. “Just a hope. Perhaps, by the time they are adults, we will have discovered some way of…keeping them. And perhaps they will not want it. They may want to live out their lives as we were meant to do. Maybe they will have their own children, grow older than us and…and even die, if they must. As all creatures must, except, it seems, for us.”

“But even then,” said Tony, turning in his embrace. “Even then you won’t be alone like you’ve been expecting.” He wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist and they swayed together, chest to chest, nose to nose. “I’m going to get to see them grow up,” he whispered.

Loki smiled, pure joy creasing across his face. “So you will.” He chuckled. “You will be there to help me cope with the teenage years.”

“Do you think they can be worse than we were as teenagers?”

“You have _met_ Vali, have you not?”

“Ha!” Tony’s cheeks were creased with an echo of the smile lines he had when Loki first married him. “She’s gonna be a little punk rocker, you know. She’ll be coming home with piercings and tattoos, trying to shock us, and we’ll be like ‘c’mon, kid, put some effort in’.”

Loki laughed. “And Narfi will be wearing all black and writing bad poetry.”

“Aww, yeah, he’ll be the cutest little emo kid. I can’t wait to be the embarrassing dad.” 

He froze and looked up at Loki with those huge eyes. “Uh…is that…?”

Loki felt a warmth spread through his body, tingling at his fingertips. “Is that what you would like? Would you like to be their father?”

“They called Sigyn Father didn’t they? Or Fadir anyway. I don’t want to take his place. But maybe…would Dad be OK?”

Loki wasn’t sure how his body could contain all this joy. He nodded and bent his head to kiss his husband, pulling him close and revelling in his presence, his vitality, and the fact that he would be able to hold him not for bare decades, or even centuries, but for the rest of their immortal existence. Whereas Balder’s grief and loneliness had corrupted him into Thanos, just by having Tony by his side Loki would never have to feel that brokenness the same way. They may fight, they may spend some time apart, discovering different corners of the universe by themselves, but at the backs of their minds there would be the security that they could return to their other half and find some other constant, someone with whom they could walk outside of time, and instead of locked in hate and enmity they would bicker and play tricks and kiss and laugh and dance on the dying stars until the last traces of energy passed from the universe, leaving only them, together until the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's wondering, this is what Tony looks like now
> 
> https://68.media.tumblr.com/5123564102c4846bd024766e7c24b17f/tumblr_mhir08MeYd1qajc4eo1_r3_500.gif
> 
> Hopefully the link works, it should take you to a gif. The image is from One Night Stand, which came out in 1997, so RDJ should have been in his 30s, which puts him around the same age as Loki. Because Loki's magic plus time gem = de-ageing and healthy Tony. Also because OMG guys look at those eyelashes!
> 
> I know RDJ didn't have very good mental health at this time of his life, but that matches what I think Tony would have been like at the same age. I also know Charlie in that particular movie is very ill, and gets worse over the course of the movie, so just to make it clear, Tony just LOOKS like Charlie at this stage, he's actually fine, and very healthy, and they will live for freakin ever! Also, yes, they WILL love each other forever. Think of Adam and Eve in Only Lovers Left Alive ;)
> 
> Happy ending: Delivered?


End file.
